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A Relationship Dilemma: Finding Quiet Clarity

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When: January 29, 2016
Morning Meeting

Q: I found myself in a very complicated and difficult relationship, needing effort to soften and love in the face of aggression. I moved away some months ago. That seems right because I don’t fit in the relationship, yet there is still an attachment to him. My heart reaches out and is not at peace. I don’t know how to proceed.

John: You can leave him but not because you don’t fit, because as a being you do. His self isn’t like your being, and neither is your self like your being, yet put your being in your self or in his and it fits. That doesn’t mean to go back. If you go back, it’s because you are quietly clear. If you don’t go back, it’s because you are quietly clear.

Either way that you go, your self isn’t yet like that quiet clarity, but it will become like that in time if you are being your most quiet clarity in the midst of your self. 

When you’re residing in that quiet clarity, all injury and offence is received. Because it’s received instead of taken, it goes right in and – in time – all the way through and out again. In that way, as you receive injury and offence it is quietly cleaning you because you are being what is deeper than the experience in the midst of the experience. 

When you take injury and offence, you’re being a victim and you’re empowering it. When you receive injury, there is no victim. There is openness and softness of heart that registers everything and holds on to nothing.

Q: There’s this feeling of guilt in not being able to, and I’ve caused a problem.

John: That’s just you, wielding self-importance. The guilt is a spin. It’s an emotional way of supporting a story.

Q: So the root that has to be taken out is self-importance. How to take it out?

John: By letting the energy and the power that is there in guilt be released into openness and softness of heart. In that way, the guilt no longer tells you what to do.

Q: Thank you.



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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q: I often feel attacked by my father. How can I untangle the knot that’s there in relationship with him? John: Just, sweetly, don’t. Sweetly don’t untangle the knot. When you are so sweetly leaving the whole knot between the two of you alone, you see him and he
Q: What is a relationship for? What is its purpose? John: A relationship is for bringing the deepest knowledge and the deepest levels, within, all the way through into being functional in your self, which is not just the making, then, of a new self, but of a higher

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