Q: I’ve had quite a few relationships that ended. In most cases that was good, but it always took me time to get over it. In my latest grief I found a closed place in me which might have to do with not being able to let go. I focus more on the potential than on what really is.
John: You don’t need a relationship for you to be whole. You view what you’ve lost from a lack of wholeness, so you look at it as what it could have been like. You look at it as what it could have given you, how it could have fulfilled wholeness.
The wholeness that you’re looking for isn’t going to come from a relationship. It comes from you being gentled in your heart in the midst of all of your lack, and that the lack doesn’t distract you anymore. Your sense of lack doesn’t have your attention anymore.
When lack has your attention, you’ll focus on something outside of you to address and fill the lack, and then you live in hope while you’re not being what answers you.
Q: That’s actually quite disappointing to hear. This used to be the case for sure. I thought I was beyond this.
John: Let the tiniest little bit within address and answer every need in you. Live with that being what fills your heart, what has your heart. When that is real and lived, when that is sure in you under all pressures, then you are ready to be with the same in another. Then you’re ready for a real relationship.
For you to be in a relationship before that, the relationship will, in measure, not be real. You’ll manifest in your relationship what occupies your heart.