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A Real Foundation For Relationship

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When: February 15, 2002
Afternoon Meeting
Topics:

Q: I’d like you to help me look deeper at a pattern of mine. I keep falling in love with men who seemingly don’t want a committed relationship. I can see the reflection of my own lack of commitment and maybe even lack of loving, yet I do feel that the love is very genuine.  

John: The love for …?

Q: The man, and the love for truth.

John: Leave out the first one! Let your whole life turn into the second one. Without your whole life turning into the love of the truth, you won’t be with a man rightly.  You’re trying to find, from a man, what you lack in the love of the truth. When you’re going to a man and trying to find in him what you’re lacking within, that is exactly the kind of man who will be attracted to you, so you’ll be teaching each other the lesson that each of you needs to learn: that you cannot find, without, what you’re lacking within. It will never stop until you do, but for you to stop will have you facing everything that you’ve been running away from.  

The only part of you that can have a real relationship with a man is the part of you that doesn’t need to. Very gently leave alone that which you want the very most. When you think that you’re ready to be in a relationship with a man, then be open to be in relationship without it being at all physical. If you find that disturbing then you’re not ready to be in a relationship with a man. You can only handle being physical when you can first handle not being physical. The more that you relate to the physical in a relationship, the shorter that relationship will last. It’s not going to stop until you do.  

Q: I can see I need to stop the neediness part, but loving from the heart, too?

John: Loving from the heart, but not using that to get from a man what you can only have within. If you cannot have it alone, within, with neediness quieted, then you will not be able to sustain it without. The ‘I’, being in right relationship with what it knows, is much easier than the ‘I’ being in a real relationship with another. The more that you gravitate to what is actually more difficult the more that you are avoiding what is actually easiest within.

Let your own foundation heal and come together rightly, then you can join, healthfully, with another.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

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Q: What is a relationship for? What is its purpose? John: A relationship is for bringing the deepest knowledge and the deepest levels, within, all the way through into being functional in your self, which is not just the making, then, of a new self, but of a higher

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