As parents, how to guide children with their sexuality? John explains the true purpose of sexuality, how to access deeper sexuality and how to guide a child who is entering puberty, offering comprehension of what sexuality is for.
Q: I have a question about sexuality. My question is how to, for parents, or how to guide a grown-up, in, in a correct way, in a good way, into their sexual power.
John: Sexuality is for communion. But it’s first come into as an appetite. Its introduction awakens a physical appetite. What it is really for is, is for meeting and for communion. Sexuality is really for the communication of your being, the communication of all of your deeper levels, through your heart, into your self and through your body. As soon as sexuality is confined to the context of the body, and the appetite within the body, then sexuality is completely misunderstood. It’s, it’s given power in a way that doesn’t belong. The power of sexuality doesn’t belong to a physical gratification or being experimental. It belongs to what we are as beings.
Q: I understand what you’re saying, and the question is, how to transmit that to him. I would have been so happy to have you around me when I was entering that. And is there still a role model that when, when it’s a boy, that it’s the father that is giving him the man guideline or … no.
John: (Shakes head). Whoever’s able to give it most, gives it most. The way to give the meaning of sexuality is by you coming from the deeper levels of sexuality. The deeper levels of sexuality is what gives sexuality its meaning. The deeper levels of sexuality is what you have in your deeper levels that enables you to meet with anything.
When you’re in nature, as soon as you’re in your heart and you’re in nature, you experience the energy of nature and the beingness of nature. That interaction is your deeper sexuality. It’s your deeper sexuality that enables you to meet and commune. When a child understands meeting and communion with such things as nature, or an animal, or your self, or its own heart, then you have the basis to communicate what sexuality is for. It’s for the direct physical transmission of that. That immediately brings sexuality into a sacredness, and not something that is just simply available for use. Let a child hold a baby, that’s the deeper sexuality moving of a baby. Deeper sexuality is the movement of being. When the being moves through a baby, a baby has direct access into you. It has direct access into the child and the child knows it. The child doesn’t understand it, but when the awareness of the child is there to what’s actually occurring from within the baby to the child, the child is taken by that and loves that.
So you can show in practical ways like that how the deeper levels move, how they open. Introduce it to your child and the, the child is really awakened in that. Then the child goes around looking for the deeper levels in everything, because it loves finding them. When it finds them in anything: in a tree or a baby, in nature, or in its own heart, its own deeper levels open and it loves learning, meeting, and communion. Once a child understands that, a child will have a rich comprehension of what sexuality is for. Sexuality is what is available to make the richness of this, physical.
Then when a child comes into the opening of a movement of its own hormones, and it starts to experience hormonal sexuality, then it has an energy that can be directed toward the deeper levels of sexuality, so it’s poured right back in. As soon as it’s used just simply for what it is, on the surface, then the hormones become more invigorated and exercised and it puts the focus where it doesn’t belong. When the energy that is available within the movement of the hormones in the body, when that is given back into the deeper levels, and the deeper levels of sexuality are already understood – the child already comprehends it, the child has grown up comprehending it – as soon as that energy is turned inward, then that feeds the deeper levels. It feeds even more what the child was already coming into. So the movement of those hormones has a different context than what it initially feels like in the body.
When it’s directed, when that energy is directed to subtlety within, that’s the development of a pattern that’s required within the physical movement of sexuality, that keeps sexuality from moving into coarseness and re-directs it to move into what the being is. When it’s used to feed an appetite, then there’s going to be a separation from being. When it’s used to feed the deeper levels that are already awakened to, then it brings out one’s being.
When a child even begins to realize some of this, children love it. It’s really exciting for them. It’s more exciting for a child to comprehend unseen levels within, and unseen movement within, than something that’s fixed outside of themselves. Instead of looking at something, they love seeing, they love looking into. Once that’s introduced to them, they learn quickly. When children are put into the way, into deeper ways, children absorb. They’re natural responders. As soon as they recognize and comprehend a deeper meaning and that deeper value, they naturally love that. They don’t, if they’re not awakened to that, then they’ll more naturally move in what they experience in their body.
Q: What I understand is that that’s the next most important thing to do to prepare this foundation, that when the sexuality is moving into hormonal, physical sense that the child is, in a way, prepared already to direct that into deeper levels?
John: By first awakening them to the deeper levels of sexuality. The deeper levels of sexuality have nothing to do with sex. It has to do with meeting and communion and that is what is available to children within and outside of themselves. As soon as they’re awakened to that, they have the context.
Q: And we as parents, as a couple, we are the example for him to …
John: Yes.
Q: So as you said in one of the meetings today, the strongest way to learn is by example. So that means for us to, to be really, honest and… to really be true. To really love.
John: When you and your wife are being physical together through the use of sexuality, and if through the use, and through the use of that, both of you are moving your deeper levels, then what you’re doing really is making love. When you are in fact, through the physical, making what love is, and it’s only the deeper levels within, the levels of your being that love comes from, if you’re not moving those levels, you’re not making love. You’re not making what love is. And when it seems like nothing is there and you’re beginning with the deeper levels in each of you, then you’ll be making love from scratch:
working with all of the real ingredients. As you bring them together, you’re making what love is.
When you do that together with your wife, the energy of that goes into both of you, it fills the house. The house, the home is filled with a density of what love really is. When you hold a child, and you and your wife are in what love making really is, when you later at any time hold a child, that energy goes into the child. The way the child experiences it, is it’s nurture. It is love. A child doesn’t experience sexuality. It experiences its deeper levels and they move toward you because yours are active.
This woman is touched by John sharing what sexuality is really for and wants to know what it means to be a woman. John shares the subtle differences between man and woman, and shows her how to invite and move in her sexuality anew – this time aligned to the delicacies of its deeper mystery.
The great potential of our deeper sexuality to manifest in our lovemaking all depends on dearness, being given to the heart and our real humanness. This talk introduces the connection between a woman’s sexual anatomy, arousal, and the sexual fields that lie just beyond self-oriented, polarized sexuality.
A newly married woman is exploring how to give more outer form to her marriage, and discovering what it means to grow in realness, togetherness and deeper sexuality with her husband.
This interviewer wants to get at how John’s teachings can open the territory many of us share – the world of relationship and sexuality. What gives relationship a true foundation? How can sexuality go deeper than want and need? You speak of connectivity and dearness, John, but how can we relate to that when we don’t like each other? These questions and more are worked out in this dialogue.
A young man would like to be free of the conditioning and judgments he knows are present in his sexuality and asks for help. John explains in practical terms how sexuality can be returned to the heart, freeing judgments held in the body and bringing balance and healing.
The most powerful human engine is sexuality. The sexual fields are the magicalness of our sexuality, a magicalness that isn’t reachable and obtainable through anything that we can do in our selves. We can’t access them without deepening in our humanness: that our initial purpose of life comes from being within the heart and coming from the heart. Living from that is the revelation of our humanness. The mystery is all there in our sexuality, in the meaning of meeting and communion, connecting us to the beyond.
Real womanness needs no defence, isn’t able to be overpowered. There isn’t anything that can enclose it, confine it, or stop it. Real womanness is quietly, deeply inviolable. Real womanness is just like our being. There, we have the potential for real relationship, that isn’t based on want and need, that doesn’t touch into lack. In these talks from an Open Mic gathering in Netanya, Israel, John explains how to let real womanness grow in us like a new inner garden, integrating our sexuality and enabling us to really get to know our selves.
What is the deepest, truest place for a man in lovemaking? What is the real value of that union between a man and a woman? A master class in deeper sexuality, this talk will take you all the way to where man and woman are the same, and then all the way back up into the surface, where lovely differences flower in a way that isn’t possible without it being from the innermost outwards. Love with forms, all of them. It’s a little like two babies loving each other. It’s magical and the result is magical. It’s a love absorption.
John answers questions on various topics, in an open mic setting. How to have a deeper relationship with your children, how to open without reason, coming from the roots of your awareness in your meditation and in the rest of your day, the practise of NLP – is it helpful?, the need to be happy, being okay in the midst of anything, sexuality, deeper womanness and deeper manness, overcoming childhood trauma and what makes therapy work.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
