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Sexuality, Shame and Judgement: The Undoing of Your Conditioning

A young man would like to be free of the conditioning and judgments he knows are present in his sexuality and asks for help. John explains in practical terms how sexuality can be returned to the heart, freeing judgments held in the body and bringing balance and healing.

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This dialogue also appeared on VOD-000

Video Transcript

With John de Ruiter from the February 10, 2018 Tiruvannamalai, India Open Mic

Q: In me there are polarities about sexuality. There’s suppressing or denying and I just want you to free that, too.

John: Be in your sexuality in the same way that you lie down to go to sleep. In the same way that you near sleep, you draw near into your sexuality.

Your sexuality, contrary to your experience, first has nothing to do with your self. The beginning of its meaning has to do with your heart, and all of the rest of the meaning belongs to your being. Your sexuality is at home in your heart and in everything deeper. You’re not able to get to know your sexuality in your self. There, what you become familiar with is attraction and aversion. You get to know your sexuality when it’s given into your heart and to everything deeper, just as you don’t get to know you in your self. If you want to know you, lie down and go to sleep. As you near sleep you are returning to what you really are and it isn’t dependent on any of your forms. Instead of connecting your sexuality to your self – to thinking and feeling, emotion and will – connect your sexuality to your heart. Let it return to your heart and get to know your sexuality. It’s really your capacity, in form, to meet and commune.

Where you experience the direct knowledge of your sexuality, without even realizing it is your sexuality, is when you are opened and softened within while you’re in nature: the way that you and nature are inter-penetrative; nature gets right into you. You get to know nature as much as you are being what you really are while you’re in nature. That’s how you get to know your sexuality.

Q: There’s a split. There are attachments in me. It’s not innocence of a child anymore … with a naked body … I don’t know if it’s conditioning; it’s as if something is dirty. It’s not okay, but I know this is not the right place. It’s what you just said: it belongs to my heart.

John: Get to know your sexuality in a way that directly nurtures you; even the thought of it nurturingly opens you.  When your sexuality connected to your heart and to your being moves in your self, that movement cleans your self. The way that you relate to your sexuality is you relating to your nervous system and your mind. You’re not relating to your sexuality; you’re relating to a projection onto your sexuality. You giving your sexuality to your heart and everything deeper opens your nervous system, and frees the judgments held in your body, the judgments that are lodged in your nervous system.

Q: So it’s only through the heart that this nervous system can re-form?

John: Yes.

Q: Not by engaging in these thoughts – just going into the heart.

John: Which returns your nervous system to your humanness. Your humanness brings your nervous system into a healing balance.

Q: I just love how you gave your self fully to all of that and I’m grateful to meet you now, in this. Thank you, John.

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