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What Is True Desperation?

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When: January 21, 2004
Afternoon Meeting
Where: ,

Q: The question “what am I living for?” has been with me a lot in my life. I’ve felt desperate and known I was not living. Now, there is more peace around the desperation. I know there’s truth in that, but I can relax to the point of being comfortable. You’ve talked about the sharp sincerity of love intelligently evolving. How does that come into form, and how do I be relaxed enough so that only what is true is engaged?

John: It isn’t about being relaxed enough. It is about you, as awareness, being true enough. When you, as awareness, are only being true, then relaxation within works. An entrance is gained within even by being just at rest. 

When you are being only true, then desperation also works. There is a kind of entrance that is gained within through desperation that restfulness within doesn’t accomplish on its own. 

True desperation is restfulness within that is also full of fire. It’s just not a personal kind of fire. It is all of your power coming to a very fine point – all of your fire coming to one clean point. The restfulness within that is that there is nothing extra happening. 

There are entrances within that come only that way. It is like an equanimity of fire, where every part of the fire has within it a perfect evenness. Every part of it is in balance. There’s no personal push in it; it’s perfectly balanced intensity. Without such fire, your restfulness within hasn’t encompassed the whole of you.

Q: I love hearing this but still don’t know how it would look in my life. Is it to do with honesty? I see that when I’m not honest, it’s because of personal desires.

John: That is where you value your life more than the truth of being profoundly honest within. You won’t let your honesty become that hot.  

Q: What would that take?

John: You, as awareness, being only true – all to the cleanest, hottest point. Some aspects of awareness will never open without such heat.  For you to be such fire heightens being true in a way that being completely at rest within doesn’t touch.  

Q: So it’s a good idea to keep looking out for when both the fire and the urgency are there.

John: A fire is perfect and pure urgency.

Q: Thank you, John.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q: Yesterday I heard you say that being alive in this body is the biggest opportunity to grow in awareness. I’d like to know what would be helpful for me in growing in awareness. John: By you letting your evolution as awareness matter more than everything that you have:
Q: Right after that last meeting I felt as if a little door opened in me. It had to do with what you said about experience being a messenger. Openness and softness took on new meaning. My body started opening and there was more movement, within. What disturbs me
Q: John, are we all one? John: Yes. But that’s very different from all of us really being there. On a deeper level within, yes, we are all one but if we live being separate from what our being is, we will all be separate: separate from our beings,

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