The Deep, Quiet Connectivity Of Real Relationship

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When: January 8, 2020
Evening Open Mic
Where: ,

Q: I love what you say about the self being only the vehicle through which innocence and purity naturally express. At the beginning of our relationship, we were both aware of playing a kind of ping-pong game, where the energy went back and forth as if we were trying to stabilize something. Beneath that there was a bond that grew, so we calmed down more and more.

John: A real relationship is when you don’t need to say anything, you don’t need to do anything, you don’t need to spend “quality time!”  There’s nothing going on, but there’s this hum of deep, nurturing meaning that is there just by virtue of the unseen level of connectivity. Because you’re not up to anything more than that, it just streams and moves. So you could be driving in a car saying nothing. You don’t look at each other, there’s not a thought of anything about each other but there’s this vibrational meaning that is just humming between the two of you. You’re not doing anything. 

To have a little bit of that while talking, touching, doing things with each other, living life on the surface in your house, interacting … to be in just a little bit of that hum in the midst of all of your doing and your interactivity, that’s a real relationship. If that isn’t the centre of you in your common, average doing together, it’s not a real relationship. 

A real relationship is profoundly uneventful. There’s nothing exciting. It’s just very deeply, quietly meaningful with nothing going on, or with something going on, and it doesn’t seem to make any difference to the two of you which one.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q: I have a longing for wholeness and integration, and an awareness of a lot of suffering and chaos caused by self-avoidance. I know there’s massive anger sitting in my gut. How can it be integrated into my being, and how can that become stable in the midst of
Q: Hi, John. It’s good to finally meet you. My question is how do you deal with damage that was done because you were vulnerable, you weren’t expecting it and you were wide open? Maybe when you were younger. John: By most delicately receiving injury instead of taking injury.

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