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Sweet Forgiveness: When Openness Is Your Love

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When: June 1, 2017
Evening Open Mic
Where: ,

Q: I want to clear up something with my father before he dies. I know the difference between being open and closed, but when I step into my parents’ home it’s very hard for me to stay open. It’s as if I step back into the child that sees a lot of abuse … my father constantly devaluing and psychologically mistreating my mother. I feel it all. It’s sometimes possible to remain open but I find it hard not to judge his anger.

John: While you experience that, sweetly forgive him.

Q: It’s easy to do here, but in the moment …

John: That’s where it matters.

Q: And that’s where I can feel frustrated because I know it matters.

John: When you’re frustrated, sweetly forgive yourself.

Q: I understand, but I seem to get amnesia in the situation. Out of the situation I know again. It’s a miracle when I can stay open, and I have had beautiful meetings with them. There is both judgment of him and of myself in this.

John: Both are false.

Q: I see that. It feels like having an apple in your hand and forgetting how to drop it, while knowing that’s what you need to do. With my partner I find it quite easy to see when I hold onto something, and I can soften and drop it.

John: Like opening and softening in the midst of really little things, the tiniest little things that annoy. If you open and soften and you live opening and softening in the really little things – things that are so small that it hardly would draw your attention – then you will easily open and soften in the really big things.

It’s you opening in the little that really does it, because that means that openness has you, that you don’t overlook it in the little things. When it is your love, you’ll be it in all of the really little things.

Q: In most situations I can at least reopen myself if I notice that I get tight, except with my parents. The opening is so small compared to in all other situations in my life.

John: Open to see everywhere in your life where you tighten. Open to see it where you’re not used to seeing it. Where you’re not used to seeing it will be in the really, really little things.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q: My question is about how to deal with pride, how to dissolve it without dismissing what I am. John: Mark your words. Take care in what you use words for, and why. Don’t say things just because you can. If you have a pride issue that you’re dealing
Q: I have a longing for wholeness and integration, and an awareness of a lot of suffering and chaos caused by self-avoidance. I know there’s massive anger sitting in my gut. How can it be integrated into my being, and how can that become stable in the midst of
Q: How can I melt my frozen heart? John: Like that you have a heart, even though it’s frozen. That melts it a little bit. As your heart melts a little bit, you’ll know more. As soon as you know more in your heart, surrender to what you’re knowing.
Q:  My question is how to get to my next level of awareness. I’ve suffered a lot of pain this year and had an emergency operation. I didn’t see how dangerous the situation was. I stayed in my pain and arrived at the hospital almost at the last moment.

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