Q: I want to clear up something with my father before he dies. I know the difference between being open and closed, but when I step into my parents’ home it’s very hard for me to stay open. It’s as if I step back into the child that sees a lot of abuse … my father constantly devaluing and psychologically mistreating my mother. I feel it all. It’s sometimes possible to remain open but I find it hard not to judge his anger.
John: While you experience that, sweetly forgive him.
Q: It’s easy to do here, but in the moment …
John: That’s where it matters.
Q: And that’s where I can feel frustrated because I know it matters.
John: When you’re frustrated, sweetly forgive yourself.
Q: I understand, but I seem to get amnesia in the situation. Out of the situation I know again. It’s a miracle when I can stay open, and I have had beautiful meetings with them. There is both judgment of him and of myself in this.
John: Both are false.
Q: I see that. It feels like having an apple in your hand and forgetting how to drop it, while knowing that’s what you need to do. With my partner I find it quite easy to see when I hold onto something, and I can soften and drop it.
John: Like opening and softening in the midst of really little things, the tiniest little things that annoy. If you open and soften and you live opening and softening in the really little things – things that are so small that it hardly would draw your attention – then you will easily open and soften in the really big things.
It’s you opening in the little that really does it, because that means that openness has you, that you don’t overlook it in the little things. When it is your love, you’ll be it in all of the really little things.
Q: In most situations I can at least reopen myself if I notice that I get tight, except with my parents. The opening is so small compared to in all other situations in my life.
John: Open to see everywhere in your life where you tighten. Open to see it where you’re not used to seeing it. Where you’re not used to seeing it will be in the really, really little things.