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High Level Relationship: A Rich, Deep Togetherness

Editors comment:
As ever, John invites us beneath the obvious into the rich subtleties of our unseen depths where relationship is always delicately new.”
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When: February 12, 2010
Afternoon Meeting
Where: ,

Q: As I’m sitting here together with my husband, can you speak with us about the relationship? Do the man and the woman have roles?

John: Where there is a use of personality in relating to each other, there will be an emptiness just beneath it. Keeping things active negatively or positively, on the level of personality, increases the emptiness. 

Just beneath the emptiness you have your real meeting with each other, where neither personality nor emptiness matters. It is there that quieted vulnerability knows and sees. It is there that knowing and seeing each other means more than even experiencing each other. In the quieted knowing and seeing, you have subtle knowledge of each other. It doesn’t offer very much, but the little that it is is profound and real. In being satisfied with that little, the two of you have the same ground.

Coming from that little bit is worth the most, and on the level of personality offers the least. It is worth having your relationship from there, quieted within, in meaning that matters. It has no embellishments. It doesn’t satisfy on the level of emotion. It doesn’t move the personalities. It does move the very bottom of your hearts, a little and enough. 

In being oriented to that you’ll have in your relationship the resources of the deep, with the riches of real knowledge, real knowledge within, being within subtlety. The more subtle your communication in that, the richer your togetherness.

Your knowledge of what is the more, within, nurtures more than what you experience together. To your accustomed self it offers the least, but to what you know, within, it offers the most.

The very best of your relationship isn’t going to be in what you understand. The very best is in what you know and haven’t yet understood. It’s there that together you don’t need your accustomed selves – just quieted vulnerability knowing and seeing. It is there that the deepest between the two of you moves. It is there that you see each other as you haven’t seen each other before. It is there that the old between the two of you isn’t a factor and isn’t depended on. In the profoundness of the honesty of that, everything stops and the two of you meet as new. 

What you’ve experienced before won’t help you in the new. Unassisted knowing does it. What you first are, within, does it.

Everything can continue as it has, but it won’t compare to the more within that you know and haven’t been yet: that tiny little bit of real knowledge, within, that you know is worth more than everything that has been so far. Know it in each other and, in being oriented to that, see each other.

In being oriented to that, subtleties of your personalities will be touched and will open that are, within each of you, new. It will help change how you relate through your personalities.  


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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

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Q: I often feel attacked by my father. How can I untangle the knot that’s there in relationship with him? John: Just, sweetly, don’t. Sweetly don’t untangle the knot. When you are so sweetly leaving the whole knot between the two of you alone, you see him and he
Q: What is a relationship for? What is its purpose? John: A relationship is for bringing the deepest knowledge and the deepest levels, within, all the way through into being functional in your self, which is not just the making, then, of a new self, but of a higher

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