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Bringing New, Deeper Love Into Your Marriage

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When: December 3, 2016
Afternoon Open Mic
Topics:

Quote: Everything that you would learn in your next relationship, pour into this one.

Q: I’ve been in love with my husband for many years and we have two children. For a few months I’ve been in a deep connection and love with another man, and this love feels so deep, peaceful, and easy. I’m seeing how my ability to be in love depends on the qualities in another and wonder if I’m evolved enough to be with someone who’s closed and distant. It’s a pain-filled situation for us all.

John: Use what comes up in you toward another man than your husband to inspire what you’re able to find in you toward your husband. What another man finds in you, you bring to your husband. Don’t learn how to do that in your next relationship.

When you come to what seems like a wall in your relationship, instead of giving up, dig; dig and find him. Bring to him what you’re looking for from him. Turn into everything that you’re looking for and, in that, go the distance. Instead of being met by another man, be met by what comes up in you, seemingly because of another man.

Q: Yeah, I understand now.

John: Expire every resource you have to uncover what you’re looking for from your husband. Find it without you waiting for him to bring it to you.

Leave your familiarity that you have with your husband aside, so instead of coming from what you’re used to in your self when you’re with him, leave your self aside and be open to see him despite his self. Then, as you begin to see, give of your self to what you see of him. That’s like you developing a new garden toward him. He doesn’t need to see it. Your reach eventually makes its way. Believe the part of him that wants to see instead of believing the part of him that doesn’t. Love making it easy for him to say “yes” to you, and you’ll find him.

Everything that you would learn in your next relationship, pour into this one. Pour into your husband. The two of you have picked the tree of all of its fruit and you haven’t grown anything new. That’s not the fault of the relationship. It’s a cycle in a relationship. When you realize the cycle, then you begin to grow new fruit. It costs much more than coming into a new relationship where there appears to be so much ready fruit.

Q: That’s a lovely picture.

John: Love gardening in your relationship. You evolve in the midst of your relationship as it is. If you don’t know where to begin, begin with feeling sorry for him. As soon as you feel it, then don’t stay there. Go one level of feeling deeper, so as soon as you feel sorry for him, feel for him, and as soon as you really have that, go a level deeper of feeling; instead of feeling for him, feel him, and there you’ve found him again. As soon as you have reached feeling him, move your heart to him. Move your vulnerability unceasingly; stay with it regardless of what he’s like. Believe the part in him that wants to be reached. Don’t give up on that part just because of the other parts that show.

Falling in love with another man – that’s good. It shows you what’s inside of you. Take all of that to your husband. Instead of feeling guilty about it, let it move you and inspire you.

Start a whole new garden toward your husband until he gets it.

Q: Thank you so much.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q: What is a relationship for? What is its purpose? John: A relationship is for bringing the deepest knowledge and the deepest levels, within, all the way through into being functional in your self, which is not just the making, then, of a new self, but of a higher
Q: You recently said something so beautiful about marriage that I wrote it down: “A communion of real knowledge found with each other, made with each other.” I’d love you to talk about it some more. John: That’s having every level, within, with which you meet. That naturally comes
Q: I have a question about loyalty. Somehow, I always manage to get myself in a position where I have to choose between mom and dad, and then a struggle occurs. Can you help me to recognize the true nature of loyalty? John: As with absolutely everything else, it
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