Q: For the past twenty years I have the tendency to grab a subject and then study a lot about it and practise it a lot, and finally, when I’m good at it I lose all interest and I don’t do it anymore. I had a kind of breakdown two years ago, and it didn’t work for me to put a lot of book knowledge in my mind, so I decided to not try to read it from books and get knowledge that way, and tried to feel more. I don’t know where I am in it and I don’t know what’s asked of me to do.

John: You need to go as awareness, within, to the beginning. The beginning for you is the realization of real knowledge. Real knowledge isn’t something you learn. It is in your heart in tiny portion, and you come to it as awareness by being and relating to what knowing is, enabling you to directly know the truth of something. That something doesn’t need to make sense in your self and in your understanding. It needs to make sense only in your heart where you know the truth of it without knowing why or how, and you need as awareness to surrender to that. That has you growing as that. The growing as that is in your heart. The growing will continue in your self. The growing won’t be on the terms of your self; it will be on the terms of real knowledge that you started from that’s in your heart.

In responding as awareness to that real knowledge, the real knowledge for you will be your living. You will be knowing that in your heart it’s how you live, the living starting with what is in your heart. As you live it, then instead of having real knowledge you’ll have living knowledge. It’s living because you’re living it. Then the mastery begins. When you’re being the living knowledge, the living of it will be mastering your self, where all of the intricacies and the complexities of your self come under the full mastery of something as wondrous as you being that living knowledge. In that way you will be making physical what began as being unseen…unseen and yet clearly known. The mastery of your self in this is what makes it seen.

In your self, before, you were mastering different topics, different subjects. That’s because the direction of that was similar to the real. When you were ready for the real, then what was similar no longer worked for you. You completely lost interest. That had you looking, within. In looking, within, you looked to feeling…feeling instead of thinking. It isn’t going to be in the feeling. What you do have that is correct is that it is within. It isn’t with feeling. It is what knowing is, which is very close to feeling because the knowing that is within is in your heart.

As you realize that, don’t be taken with the feeling of it; it’ll be a distraction. Be taken as awareness with the knowing of it. Begin with knowing and then feel what you know you are knowing. That has you, with a little bit more form, being absorbed as awareness into what knowing is. Feeling it enables what you are knowing in your heart to have your whole heart. While it isn’t about feeling it, the knowing in your heart does need to have your whole heart, which comes through feeling, without your being taken by the feeling of it.

What is taken in it is not you in the feeling of it, but your self in your being what the knowing is. That takes you as awareness to the recognition of real knowledge; you understanding with your heart what knowing is, and then you as awareness living what knowing is, bringing real knowledge into being living knowledge. And from there it continues into your self, not on the terms of your self, not for your self, but you as awareness being living knowledge absorbing your self, which is the mastery of your self.

Everything that is mastered of your self in your being living knowledge is you from within the unseen gaining new and more form. The more that you as living knowledge master the intricacies and the complexities of your self, the more form you really have. This is the development of your own innermost, moving outwards. It’s what you came into this world for, where the distractions are many and endless, and your real way is one.

You have only one real way. It begins with knowing…knowing in your heart, knowing the truth of something in your heart, and you as awareness being taken by that, surrendering to that, turning into that, and then as that moving forward outwards…that mastering everything that you have related to being yours.

Q: Surrendering is the hard part.

John: Surrendering is the hard part when you are wanting this that you are knowing the truth of for your self. When you’re letting go of your self for what you know the truth of in your heart, the surrender isn’t difficult; the surrender is what you love. It’s your ease. The surrender is then you coming into your own beingness. Surrender is then your first flow…your first real flow inwards.

The first flow is surrender inwards. As the movement of that comes to a completion within, it comes to a moment of stillness and then it moves differently. Instead of it being a flow inwards, it is by you, again in what knowing is, now a flow outwards; the expression of what you’ve already turned into: you manifesting outwards what you have already surrendered into.

As you come into something of your self that hasn’t yet been mastered by what knowing is, then you’ll come as awareness to a point of stillness again and the flow will change. The flow will become that that is inward again, where you’ll be surrendering that part of your self, as knowing, to what knowing is. It’s the first point of something of your self being mastered by the movement of living knowledge, by the movement of it because you’re being it.

You’re being it as a movement, within, and as a movement, without. You’ll come to know that as a rhythm, like the tide. You’re being mastered as awareness by what knowing is, taking you within, and then you as that moving outwards, mastering something of your self…and then as knowing shifts you’ll be moving inwards again. Each time you move inwards in surrendering to what knowing is, you’re taken deeper, within, than before and each time you move outwards with that you’ll be moving further outside than before. Both, as awareness, belong to what knowing is. To be distracted from that means that as awareness you have shifted your awareness from what knowing is to something else.

You began in the rough with a little bit of what mastery is. You discovered that in subjects, and now it’s the real, with your being mastered by what knowing is and it takes place in your heart. As that masters you, as you let knowing master you as awareness in all of your heart, then it is for you as that to come out…to come out as that, mastering your self and bringing everything that you master back to what you started with…and that is to your surrender to what knowing is. In that way, your self is given to what knowing is. Your self cannot be given to what knowing is until first you as awareness belong to what knowing is.

If you suffer distraction in this, that may cost you many years and perhaps even your whole life. If it is your whole life, then when you’re dying you’ll begin to remember. As all of your distractions fall away, you’ll remember where you were right now.

Q: Are those things that I let distract me?

John: Yes.

Q: So I can do things when I don’t let them distract me. They will probably be a help.

John: Certainly. When your orientation as awareness is the truth, within, that you’re knowing, then every comfort, every discomfort, every difficulty and trouble, every pain, purely helps you.

You are a lucky man to be able to see. You’re responsible for that, and you have only one way to fulfill it. If you don’t fulfill what you’re knowing, you will become an unlucky man for having seen.

If you go that way, the endless ways, that will help you again possibly see. You don’t need to learn the hard way and you don’t need to go the long way. You need to go the only way: responding to what knowing is in your heart and being what knowing is in your heart, all the way through your self, made real in your living.

The easier it is, the better. The more difficult it is, the better. Let everything help you.