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With John de Ruiter from the November 10, 2018 Bad Meinberg, Germany Event
Q: Somewhere during that talk there was a moment, it was like a moment of total blackness and I was thinking was I falling asleep? No, it was something else, I think. The day after was more like a down: things coming in from my new job and all the distress around it, and maybe what was that very short, black moment.
John: Total knowledge, knowledge so deep in you that it touches into no form yet.
Q: Yes, it felt like electrical short cut, like the electricity couldn’t go somewhere. How can you find ground that doesn’t have to be a short cut?
John: It found you because of what you’re coming into. It will find you again. It found you because that’s where you’re going. It will keep finding you.
Q: I already understood that is the way it works: it finds you. You cannot go looking for it. Is that correct?
John: You are going into more than what you are aware of. You are stumbling upon what you are in the direction of.
Q: I’m stumbling upon what I am in the direction of? I don’t get that sentence.
John: You’re in the direction, the inner direction of something. You have a sense of what you’re going into. There is more to that sense than what you are aware of, but because you are in that sense, you are coming upon the more that’s in that sense. It’s like looking for something and you know what you’re looking for, you know what you’re looking into, and you end up finding more than what you were looking for.
Q: And then you don’t recognize the more. Will you recognize it later then? Will I recognize it?
John: You recognized its substance but you didn’t know what that substance was – the black that had no relationship to anything that you’re used to, no relationship to anything that you’ve awakened to – but you coming into that substance awakened you even more.
Q: But I didn’t recognize it like that.
John: You keep coming into more than what you were looking for. That’s the nature of openness. You are more fundamentally open than what you thought, and you are more open than what you feel.
Q: Now that you tell me, it feels a little bit like I’m more like gas in the room; I’m not solid.
John: It didn’t take much for you to come to that.
Q: But how can I feel then so, in the middle of all of my troubles, like yesterday and this morning Is that then not there, or is both there?
John: What’s there of your troubles and disturbance, difficulty, it’s all actual and none of it is real. Because it’s so actual, you treat it as though it’s really something. You give it credibility just because it’s actual. Give your openness credibility, particularly the openness in you that hasn’t been actualized yet.
Q: Kind of believe in the growth of my openness.
Q: I’m actually quite content with this kind of openness already.
John: Connect into your future openness. It’s like a horizon that you’re not able to reach into. That you let it matter connects you into it.
Q: Like let matter continuing openness to watch the horizon, to watch the future, ongoing …
John: That you let your future openness matter now.
Q: Is that to give the openness direction?
John: Not a direction, but space.
Q: So it’s actually trusting your openness, and the capacity of it, possibilities.
John: Instead of trusting in your troubles.
Q: The power of the actualness is always that you can sense it so well in your nervous system. How can I, like a contrast, keep this feeling? To make it as strong as the other to remember, so that the nervous system isn’t fooling you again. Can you do that with the remembering of the mind or a feeling?
John: Do you have knowledge that your brain is opening?
John: Your troubles are about your present nervous system. This new brain isn’t about your present nervous system, and you are all about your new brain. It’s only a matter of time and everything else will follow.
Q: You said before the brain makes the nervous system, so the new brain makes the new nervous system? An obvious question: how long does that take?
John: That part doesn’t even matter because you have the brain. It’s opening, and it isn’t opening because of anything that has to do with your self or your life. Your new brain is opening because you are opening in a way that relates to what is beyond, and you know the truth of it.
Q: Yes I know, but I don’t stop thinking about it.
John: That won’t last because you know better than thinking about it. You like your new openness more than all of your thinking.
Q: It feels now so useless to start thinking, really thinking, going into the process of thinking. When a thought comes in then it disturbs, like you feel the openness is a little bit closing when you go into a thought.
John: That you know you are more open than that thought.
Q: Automatically after a while sitting with you, then there is the mind that thinks maybe I need to ask this question.
John: When you turn on your hot water, the hot water is instant, but not where you’re turning it on.
Q: Not while or when?
John: It isn’t there, but it is there on the other end. It just takes a while for the old water to come out, the water that isn’t hot in all of the pipes.
Q: And the water here you say is an aphorism of what? What are you referring to now?
John: Your old thinking. The subtler new thinking, when you open into your new brain, will flow and displace your old thinking. It’s in the process of that displacement that your new thinking changes from subtler to more strongly present. Keep the tap open and it will come. Keep your new brain open because you’re relating to it, and it will come into your nervous system. Your new brain will reach your toes.
Q: I’m really looking forward to that.
John: Until it reaches, your new walk will be clumsy.
Q:. Clumsy in what way? Like the ups and downs I described in the beginning?
John: Particularly how it destabilizes you, instead of it just sweetly not mattering to you when you turn on the hot water tap and there is no hot water, that just really doesn’t matter to you. You know it’s coming.