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Reaching Comes First

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When: December 29, 2012
Morning Meeting

Q1: I’ve just moved in with two new people. We’re setting up a new house and so we’ve got new relationships to establish and I was thinking the same applies here … staying on a cutting edge without slipping.

John: As you’re coming together, don’t let anything take place that is of a self kind of nature, because once you let something like that take place, then it’s like a foot in the door, in you or in the other person, and it’s easier to stop a foot coming into the door than once it’s in to get it out. To get it out once it’s been let in is really difficult. That’s like telling the foot it’s wrong. It’s not about the foot being wrong. The foot doesn’t belong there. That may mean when you’re clear about your self or about someone else’s self, that you stay clear. It doesn’t matter how the thunder clouds start to form and it threatens to turn into a real storm if you don’t stay in what you’re clear in. You need to stay in what you’re clear in. If clarity doesn’t rule then it turns into strange relationships. So right when it’s new is the best shot. Hold to the clarity. Even if the storms threaten everything, hold to the clarity.

Q1: I’m surprised clarity and knowing would show that. Is it good to reflect to others if someone is in their self, or is it better to let them see it themselves?

John: That’s difficult because you need to reflect and the bottom line for someone is reaching them. If you’re not reaching them, the reflection’s not working. So it’s not about reflection; it’s about reaching the other person. That puts the difficulty on to you in reflecting in a way that reaches. It has to reach. So you’re not loyal to reflection, what you’re reflecting, you’re loyal to reaching, not just reaching towards someone, but someone being reached. The person needs to be reached and that’s difficult.

You’ll need to have greater perspective than the sum of all of the perceptions you have in your self. Then there’s no self righteousness or self rightness. There’s clarity, and your clarity exceeds what your self is. Avoid being a peacemaker. A real peacemaker isn’t about making peace. The real peacemaker is about knowing what is actually clear and holding to that in a way that reaches others. The tendency is to take a shortcut and just make things better, which has you compromising a little bit of clarity so that someone will calm down or so that someone will feel like you’re listening to them.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

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