Q: I’ve had for some time a lot of experience of the installation of conditioning in my nervous system and knowing to believe what I know, rather than that. And the way this just all culminated is these two words: presence and humanness, Having a baby creates so much gravity and responsibility, so that adds to this and even in the mundane of life there’s all these levels. What I’m coming to inside is something about having real presence that’s uncovered and human and really alive. Could you describe real presence and humanness?
John: Illusory presence comes by belief in your force of will; will being fixed by belief in thought and feeling. Real presence doesn’t come from your will and it doesn’t come from thought and feeling. It comes from gravity given to knowing and seeing. Real presence shows in the eyes, because in your living you are given to a depth of seeing. Illusory presence shows quickly in the face because it’s in our face that we most easily have emotional expression and there also, emotion and the will are inextricably linked.
When you have your son’s attention, he sees your eyes more than he sees your face. When you have his quiet attention, it’s because knowing and seeing in you has your attention. It’s what you give your gravity to. When you see as a being, it’s because you know. When you have your seeing because of what is most common, you see because you think and you feel, and you connect thought and feeling to the force of will. It isn’t a real seeing and it also doesn’t represent your humanness.
Your humanness is the movement of your being within the field of your self. Your humanness begins with your openness and softness of heart, having your self. There, humanness, the movement of being within the field of your self, shows in your face, but it’s a most subtle read. It’s like the depth and the subtlety of what shows in your eyes when your gravity is given to what you deeply know and see. It’s the subtle movement of that, the movement of your being, the movement of love, the movement of your humanness that is present in your face. It doesn’t express as emotion, yet it shows and it shows in your emotions. Because your son is still connected within, he looks first to your real presence and from within that, he looks to its flow, your humanness.
Q: I recognize how what you described moves. I can feel a breeze moving up and out through my face and I also feel like a knot in my throat. I think that’s been there for a long time. Is that connected to the use of will in movement?
John: The knot in your throat comes from not letting your humanness move as soon as you see, because the movement of it makes your self ever so vulnerable.
Q: How do you live being ever so vulnerable, without crying all day?
John: For now, it can’t. If it means that you’ll cry a lot, then, so be it.
Q: It’s like being freed. When I let it flow I feel this, almost like beams of light going up into my face. It’s quite piercing, hearing all of this and yet I really love it. I was going to ask you to say something about the face or my face.
John: When you cry because your humanness moves, your being moves within the field of your self, you are obviously seen. When you are that seen, you’re also that vulnerable in your self. Then, distinguish between the feeling in your self of your humanness moving, and its presence. Distinguish between the feeling and the presence, and then notice how the presence moves in your face, but moves so slowly that by visual movement, it’s indiscernible. It’s the difference between your face belonging to your emotions and your will, and your emotions, instead of being moved by what you give to them, your emotions move because of what you are given to that is deeper than all of your self. Your emotions move because of how you are given to your humanness. There, emotion cleans your self.
What your face really belongs to is your being and your humanness; it’s what you love in your son’s face and it’s what he looks for in yours. Deeply look for this in your husband’s face and he becomes speechless. Everything stops inside, and he sees. Then, as he speaks, it’s because he asks for more. As destabilizing as it is for his self, he asks for more.
Q: I believe you and I know what you’re saying is true. But why would I do this?
John: Why would you cover all of this? Because that feels safer. As you live with all of this uncovered and having free flow in your self, you live with your self constantly but sweetly ever so slightly destabilized. Your self is always in perspective of what you know is deeper and more. Instead of your self holding the perspective, when your humanness flows in your self, the feeling of that in your self is that you are sweetly nobody and nothing.
Q: How does nobody and nothing have words?
John: For you, for now, with tears.
Q: I’m sitting here thinking, have I just had everything wrong all this time? I’m a little confused about that.
Q: Like, everything?
John: In a manner of speaking, everything. It’s not literally everything, but clearly over 97%. It means that you can see, whereas most in this world can’t see. You know in your experience that when your being has your intelligence, in the flow of that, you see so differently.