Q: I realize this visit has to do with an initiation into what I would call my elderhood. And it’s not so much about giving birth or aborting something in my life, but what to conceive now in this next stage of being here. There’s so many things I feel qualified to contribute to, but my discernment is not so firm. If you have some counsel for me and around the issue of discernment. I would appreciate it.
John: Don’t rely on your qualifications. Don’t rely on what you have experience in. Don’t rely on any notions. Don’t rely on your self. That means your past. When you’re not relying on anything that you’re accustomed to, anything of familiarity, what remains is discernment.
Don’t conceive something, although conceiving something, as far as it is from what you’re actually looking for, is close. You need to be conceived. As soon as you’re using anything, something, of familiarity of what you have experience of in, of your past, of what you’re skilled in or trained in, you will be conceiving again.
You’ve already conceived of many things. You have yet to be conceived again, not physically but by and in what you first are. For you to be coming from something as deep, within, you can’t be relying on anything, anything that you’re accustomed to in your self…not a practice, not a program, not a process…until all that you are moved by is authenticity. Not an authentic self. Much deeper than that: pre-form authenticity.
Your only access to that is your real knowledge, within, of something of that. It won’t be offering an understanding. It won’t be offering a concept. It won’t be giving you something to do. All that you’ll have, as awareness, is that you’ll be directly knowing something. You won’t be knowing what it is. What you’ll be knowing is a depth of knowing. You’ll be knowing that something is there, within, that is all about what you’re looking for. For you to be conceived by what that is you need to have nothing else. You can’t be about anything else…just about this deepest knowing, within, that has yet offers you nothing else; not an understanding, not a result, not even a possibility.
And then as awareness in your heart relate directly to what that knowing is, not relating to it to get something or to start something. If you have reference to anything else while you’re relating to that knowing, then it’ll be your reference you’re relating to while exploiting that knowing. You’ll have it turned around.
When you actually have nothing else but that deepest knowing within, when everything else you have doesn’t compare for you, then this deepest knowing is your relating. In that way you as awareness, without the use of anything, are planted in what knowing is. That has you reconceived.
Your development in that is completely dependent on your not turning away from that and then relating to something different. Your development in that comes about by your continuing to relate fundamentally, as awareness, only to that deepest knowing, within. With such relating, what you have is that you are belonging exclusively to that deepest knowing, within.
It doesn’t need to do anything for you. At that point you don’t even need to be conceived. You are simply belonging to what you know, within, is before anything else, and, regardless of any results of that, you are home. You have no expectations. You need none.
Remain in that and you will be cleansed as awareness within your forms from everything that you have invested your belief in. You will be cleansed of your own conditioning. You will be cleansed of everything that has mattered to you. You will slowly undergo being remade, remade from within this deepest knowing in you, remade from within completely different terms; terms that you don’t even understand yet, but terms that you are implicitly surrendered to because you are surrendered to its source.
In you as awareness being reconceived, you will go through what will occur when you die. Because of your own fundamental change of relating, everything will pass away. Even in its remaining, for you it all passes away because your relationship with it is through your own relating, fundamentally shifted. Your relationship as awareness with what was will be gone. You’ll only have what first, most deeply within, is.
If you think that you’re not able to go through this, if you think that you’re not able to do this or be this or accomplish this or surrender to this or ‘anything this’, you’ll find out when you die how well you’re able to. You will have no problem. It will work perfectly. And it will be, in your life, your final goodness that you are able to be and come from, all along.