John de Ruiter Podcast 467

John de Ruiter Podcast 467

Abiding in What is New: No Longer Relating to Old Ways

When: January 23, 2003 @ 7:00pm
A deeper shift within has left this person feeling empty and confused in her life and relationships. John explains why it feels this way and what will support full integration.
“When something is newly opened up within you, that renders the old obsolete. It is not taken away from you; it just no longer satisfies anything.”
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Podcast Transcript

Abiding in What is New: No Longer Relating to Old Ways

Q: There is a question and it seems to have a lot of emotional load on it. It has to do with being with people, especially in my relationship and also with other people. When I spoke to you last time there was a shift afterwards. It seems to me like you’ve taken something away from me and I felt in something like total emptiness, but it seems that nothing has any meaning. It seems when I’m together with my boyfriend that something is for me not okay. He talks about love and closeness and I can’t feel anything of it, and there are questions about is it time to leave him or is it something inside of me that is not ready to go deeper into. I don’t know what I should trust to and that brings up that confusion.

John: When you are brought into something new, that separates you from the old. When you know something within that is new, that leaves the old empty. The old within you remains empty until you move into what is new.

As you become established in what is new, the new brings in the old. That makes the old new. This requires of you being finer within, relating to something finer within. When there is a new opening, that changes everything. You can no longer relate within in an old way. When the new opens it is required of you to then be what is new. The old is no longer what it used to be. Your experience is that something was taken away from you: it’s not that something was taken away from you; it’s that something new was given to you.

When something is, newly opened up within you, that renders the old obsolete. It is not taken away from you; it just no longer satisfies anything. That calls you to move forward in what is finer. When you consult with those around you, if they are not knowing that newness in you then you’ll be confused in consulting with them. You have to consult with what you know is true – not going by what others say but by what you know. That has you going within quietly knowing and abiding in such knowing.

Your footing isn’t to come from others. Your footing comes from you standing in what you know. You cannot refer back to what is old. You can only move forward in what is new. Until you occupy what you have received within you will be empty in what was. What is for you is newness, within. When you abide in that newness, that will change how you feel, how you think, how you relate within to others. When you’re standing within changes, everything else changes.

When there is a profound shift within, nothing will work unless you are remaining in that shift. Your experience is that you have lost something old, but your knowing is that you have received something new. This requires of you being knowing. When you look into old thinking, that will also confuse you because the old thinking no longer matches you. You are new. That requires new thinking and new relating, existing from the basis of what is new. Your thinking will become clear but only when you are relaxing within into what you know is true.

When you receive, within, something new you cannot lay it aside. When you receive something within that is new that has to be integrated, received into your feeling and your thinking. Let the newness that you know, let it have new form. The old cannot figure out the new. The new replaces the old. This opens up within you even more that is new. It makes the new more solid but the old even less workable.

This is just more of what is wholly you. Relax within and let change move through you. Relate within to a very fine nurture. You can work on things within but not by struggling. Then it only becomes more difficult. You can work on things, within, gently,with a finer awareness. Others cannot help you in this unless they are already the newness that you are newly moving into. If they are not already that, they cannot help you. You have to rely on what you know is true. You have to rely on what is new within you.

Q: Will this integration take time?

John: Integration always takes time. You can profoundly shift within a moment but you cannot integrate such a shift in a moment.

Q: There comes the question how to be in a relationship while integrating which is not helpful or is this not important to get help from outside in any way?

John: You cannot receive help from someone unless that one is already there where you are going. This changes your relationship because you are changed.

Q: There is something circling around in my mind and it’s a question if the relationship I am in is true?

John: Remain in what is new and then gently see what happens to the relationship. There isn’t anything that you can hold on to. There is only the newness within to respond to. Let it all move gently. You do have time. Once you have shifted within, you have time. When you have integrated such a shift then for you it is time to shift again. Existing within as a being moving through humanness no longer existing as an old construction. That time is gone. You cannot go by what your boyfriend says unless you know that what he is saying is true. If you don’t know it then you cannot take it to heart.

This is what you were looking for. This is what you asked for, not realizing what it would look like or how it would affect you. You knew what you were asking for; you just didn’t understand it. You will understand what you have asked for after you have integrated the receiving of it. Your difficulty now is new so you cannot depend on what is old. It is only the newness within that can take you through a new difficulty. It works perfectly well as long as you are relaxing into your own interior. The excitement of this won’t distract you as long as the excitement is gentle.

Q: This feels so true and clear. Thank you for showing me this, John. And I think my body is running some kind of strange pain but it’s only my body; it’s not the other place.

John: Be kind with anything that’s happening in your body. That gives it space. When you change, your body changes. Enjoy giving your body time.

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