Q: I think three times in my life I’ve opened up to my being, or my being opened up powerfully in me. And each time I wasn’t ready, I couldn’t go with it. There was something else I needed to do before I could let that guide me, or I didn’t trust it. The last time was about three years ago, so where do I go now?

John: What you’re saying isn’t deeply true; it’s only superficially true. The deeper truth is that you’re always ready regardless of how separate you’re being from everything deeper that’s real. When you say that you weren’t ready, what that really means is that as awareness you have investments of your power, power that belongs to your being, and you’ve taken these powers and you’ve invested them in your self. And that you’re not ready from the perspective of these investments to give them back yet.

Q: So my work is to become more aware of my investments?

John: You’re very aware of them. Any little trigger where you close or you harden, that reveals to you an investment of power in your self, that doesn’t belong there.

Q: So you’re saying trust is not an issue; it’s only what I’m making my own little treasure or something like that?

John: Yes. When you separate from what you really are, that’s a little like robbing a bank and you seemingly get away way with it, and then everything that you buy with this new money – you drive around in a nice car and all it takes for someone to ask you, “oh, where did you get that car from?” – and then you become agitated, defensive and you start to turn it on the other person when they’re just wondering where you got the money from for that car, they’re not thinking you did something wrong. But you’ll act like you did because you’re holding something and you’re defensive about it, and year after year you can be prompted from within what’s deeper to give the money back because it’s not yours. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve become accustomed to having so much money and you can always be saying that you’re not ready yet. The more honest you are, the more ready you are.

Where there is within you as awareness core splitting honesty, you unconditionally return to being what you really are and you’re being that within all of your levels, unseen in your being or seen in your heart and your self.

Being what you really are isn’t dependent on your self; it’s dependent only on what you, awareness, know. In being one with what you most deeply know, from the innermost outwards, you are oneness regardless of the condition of your body or your self. You can return to being that oneness without changing anything first in your body or in your self.

Q: Or in my world?

John: Yes. Your seen forms and everything that affects them cannot separate you from what you really are. They are the forms that you give your power to and the giving of that power is what separates you from what you really are.

Q: And the only way to become aware of these things I’ve given my power to is honesty?

John: Yes. So instead of being honest to your personality, you go deeper than that. Your honesty deepens and you become honest to your self. And without stopping there, the honesty goes to a deeper level again, where instead of being honest to your self you’re being honest to your heart. And there you go even deeper, where you become honest to what you know the truth of in your heart. And there, you are returned to oneness. And you be that within your heart as you move into your self, and as you move in your personality, as you move about in your world and this world without any compromise to the deepest within that you’re honest to.

Q: I’ve such a yearning for the purity that you bring here. I think we all do.

John: It’s the return to innocence and that innocence having everything that’s yours. Illusion can hold in whichever way you’ve empowered it. It holds in your body, only while you’re in your body. As soon as you die, whatever illusion you’ve empowered is over. You’re able to balance the power by you being what you most deeply know the truth of into all of your levels before you die. Then you are really being what you are in your body for. You are in life manifesting what you are as a being within your heart, your self, your personality and your life, and illusion has no power with you because you don’t empower that. You empower only what you deeply know the truth of, and what you first know isn’t informational. It is most delicate beingness.

Q: You mentioned what you’ll let go of or don’t have anymore when you die, I don’t think I’m going to die, that’s my problem. I don’t have a sense of my mortality so I think it’s just going to go and on…

John: That’s an illusion. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve embodied that illusion. As you embody illusion, illusion enters your nervous system. Your experience of that is that your nervous system tells you “you’re not going to die.” Don’t listen to your nervous system. Your nervous system doesn’t tell you the truth. Your nervous system tells you what you’ve put into it.

Q: But the only alternative in this context is my intellect telling me that I’m going to die. I don’t know how else I’m going to connect with the reality that I’m going to die, if that’s something I need to do.

John: You know better than your intellect. Your intellect doesn’t offer you you. Your intellect offers you cognitive processes developed by how you have been in your past.

Q: Actually I should say I’m in a place in my journey where I don’t really trust my intellect and I don’t know, you know I think I need it, I think, I’m imagining you would tell me if I was letting my being run my life that my intellect would be in the service of my being and that I wouldn’t have that issue but as things are now, I don’t trust my intellect.

John: As soon as you’re triggered, you do. You instantly lay hold of your cognitive processes to create a defense revealing your orientation as awareness. When you’re being what you know the truth of in your heart and something happens to your self or your body, and it doesn’t matter what it is that happens, when you’re being what you know, love comes out of you. There, love is the movement of you, awareness, being one. Then, when you’re under pressure, in your body or in your self, in life, oneness has a mind and an intellect through which to express, move and create instead of being an embodied thought that has taken form in your nervous system, such as the thought that you’re not going to die. Instead of being an embodied thought, embody the delicacies of your being, such as unconditioned openness.

Q: I don’t see how to do that without trust. How can I have enough trust to do that?

John: It isn’t based on trust. It’s based on honesty. When you’re honest to your self, you trust your self more than your personality. When you’re honest to your heart you trust your heart more than your self or your personality. When you’re honest to what you know the truth of in your heart, you trust what you know more than your own heart, your self or your personality. Trust has to do with the movement of your self. To trust something, you need your self. The unintegrated self doesn’t go very deep. As soon as awareness you drop beneath the levels of your self, trust has nothing to do with your mobility. The movement of your being does.

Q: I don’t know what you mean by “mobility” here?

John: When you are in levels deeper within than anything to do with your self, your mobility as awareness isn’t dependent on your self. It’s dependent on your being. Your real mobility isn’t as a self, it is as a being. And then as a being within your self.

Q: So we don’t have to learn trust and courage and…

John: No.

Q: … even wisdom, you just have to know how to tap into the being?

John: Yes. The simplest of that – that tapping in, so to speak – is you, awareness opening and softening. When you are really listening within, you instantly open and soften because there you are tapping into what you know the truth of. As soon you touch into it, you’re being it. If you use your self to tap into what you know the truth of, you become the witness, where you observe what you know you’re actually one with but that doesn’t make you one with it. If you’re not being it, you’re not really one with it.

Q: The witnessing is a barrier?

John: Yes.

Q: Or a distortion?

John: It’s a subtle form of separation. Why, as awareness, witness the movement of your being when you can be it?

Q: My yearning for being takes the shape of yearning to be solid in that bundle of conflicting forces and peace, looking for peace. Is that a good way to think of to the nature of being?

John: You don’t need either of those. When you are deeply, deeply at peace with having no peace, that’s beingness. Beingness that isn’t dependent on an experience.

Q: Is this movement towards beingness happening collectively or only one person at a time?

John: It can move collectively but that’s highly conditioned. Such as all of the fans present in a stadium watching its home team and the home team wins the game. All of the fans are collectively opening and softening, but not for real reasons.

Q: Well is there a yearning for returning to being that’s strong enough to pull the human race upwards?

John: The whole human race doesn’t need to open and soften and return to oneness – just you.

Q: I want to include others in my journey.

John: That is absolutely dependent on you being one: you being seamlessly one within all of your levels, unseen and seen. Any focus on others before that is a distraction that gives you a sense of importance in your self.

Q: But can’t it also take your attention away from your self?

John: Only while you feel good in your self. Only as long as the comfort zone that’s well worked out in your self isn’t fundamentally threatened.

Q: Do I need to sort of aggressively move out of my comfort zone in order to wake up?

John: No. You don’t need to change anything in your self or in your body, in your life, for you to return to oneness. You don’t need to prepare your self. You don’t need to work on your self. To make preparations, to work on your self, only gives an increased sense of importance to your self. The illusion of that will register in your nervous system, and becomes part of your comfort zone. None of it tells you the truth. You, awareness, know better than all of it. You don’t need to change anything in your body or in your self for you to know within and to be that.

Q: And in a sense there’s nothing else to do?

John: There isn’t honestly anything else for you to be. You don’t need to do anything for you to be. Anything that you do to be brings illusion into your nervous system giving you a sense of reality that has no basis in reality.

Q: Thank you.