Realize the Code to Inner Relaxation
How is it that we can experience being 'home' within, and then suddenly lose it? John takes this young man through what's happening in his nervous system and how, through the experience of a hot or a cold shower, he can realize and remember the code to the quiet okayness of home.
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With John de Ruiter from the April 21, 2019 Poleg Beach, Israel Event
Q: Hi John. I have moments where I feel that I’m at home, somehow, settled in my body, in my life, and something’s flowing and it feels like home. There are moments like that or times like that, and somehow I go out of that or leave it, or just am thrown out of home. I want to ask why.
John: Because the feeling of home is replaced by feelings of aggravation, annoyance, frustration, pain and as soon as that occurs you’ll easily not open and soften. You’ll easily leave home. When you feel home you go home. When you don’t feel home, you leave home. Instead you can remain at home within, regardless of how you feel.
Q: I think it’s still unclear to me what that means because, like you were saying before, it’s hard to know what this home is. It seems there’s an element of blind faith where I can’t see home and gauge home with any kind of idea or sense, so to go home seems like somehow a dark concept.
John: I can give you a little exercise to help you.
John: When you go to take a shower, be really attentive in this. When you go to take a shower, as soon as you are under the hot shower notice how you so nurturingly open. You are in a body assisted opening. As the hot water moves over your body your body relaxes and you turn into beingness, in your body, that matches the experience of your body. So while you are attentive, under the shower, you notice how you, awareness, are relaxing within, matching your body. Your body makes it difficult for you to not relax because of what’s happening to your body, so when you notice how you open, how you soften, how you become quieted within in matching your body, then turn the shower to cold. Your whole experience is going to change, but while you are attentive under the hot shower you’ll be realizing some code of what it is like for you, awareness, to relax, for you to open and soften and let go. The warmth makes it easy. It helps you realize the code. It helps you remember. Then turn the shower to cold and while your whole experience shifts in shock, you subtly remain to code. You are still able, as awareness, in your body, to open to soften and to relax even though your experience of your body and your self is so not like that. All it is is a change of your environment, but that doesn’t mean that you need to change.
When you become confused under the cold shower and you can’t find the code, turn it to hot again and you’ll quickly realize the code. While you’re in the code, soak as awareness in that code. Be absorbed into the code and absorb that code. Know what it is that you are being in your body, under the hot shower, and then turn it to cold again. And then, in that change of experience, remain to code. It doesn’t feel good. Everything says it isn’t good, but you are attentive to something that isn’t your usual experience. Counter to the discomfort or the pain, the shock, you are deeply listening within to something different, and if you can’t get it or you lose it, turn the shower to hot again. Go back and forth until finally you love that you get it. Now you know. Now you know how to live.
Q: Okay, I’ll try. Thank you. Why is the body so important in this?
John: First because you’re in it, and because of its density it fast, solidly reflects what you are being in it. If you close and harden in your body, your body fast turns into the same. It affects your whole self, your emotions your feelings, you will, your thinking. Everything is speedily becoming just like you.
As soon as you shift in what kind of awareness you are, what depth and quality of awareness you are, your body, your mind, your emotions, your feelings, your will, shift, so in this way you have so much constant, immediate help showing you the difference between you and everything that’s yours. When you are really listening, while you’re in your body, you get to come to know the difference. You experience the difference between you and your self. The contrast is unmistakable. Everything that you’re being in your body so fast turns to form. In that way, just by virtue of being in a body, you are always building your self by what you are being in your body, in your self. Everything that you are being turns to form. You have ongoing, instant feedback.
Q: So if I’m being open and at ease in my body, what’s being built from that is also form but of a different kind?
John: Yes. There, what’s being formed in your body and in your self, in your brain and in your nervous system, is the same as your being. What’s being built and formed is in some way just like what you really are: form of love
Q: Thank you.
John: When you turn the shower to cold, the story around it instantly manifests. You will be saying something in your self. Emotion’s going to come out of you, thoughts will fast form in your mind, negative sentiment. Until you’re listening for a different code, and as you rest in it, the thoughts, the emotions, the feelings, the negativity, the story, subside.
Q: What do you mean by a different code?
John: The code of what relaxation is, the code of you being quietly okay, okay in a cold shower, and you have no disagreement with that okayness so there is no inner dialogue. Your mind is quiet while you’re in a cold shower because you really are, there, genuinely okay.
Q: So is that a way to tell if I’m being really okay in something is by the resistance? There will be less resistance from the mind?
John: Where you are genuinely okay, your mind will be the same. There won’t be resistance in you. You’ll have no energy leaking out of you while you’re in a cold shower. You won’t be gushing with not-okayness. You won’t be spurting out some kind of story of how crazy this is. You’ll have no words inside of how you don’t like it. You’ll have no words. You are just genuinely quiet inside. You are still. It won’t make your nervous system feel any different. What you will really know is you.
This is a helpful exercise for you to deeply come to know and really understand how to live.
Q: Okay. Thank you.