Q: You talked about the relaxed awareness and that’s not exactly the way I feel. My first seminar a lot of things happened to me in that time, and I ended up in Edmonton within two weeks after the seminar. What happened wasn’t about feeling and thinking anymore. I do feel and think but it’s different. I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression for many years and I realized in Edmonton that my emotional patterns had changed. Can you say anything about these things?
John: All you really have is what you know and your response to it. What you really are is response to what you know.
Any separation from that depresses your self. When you’re not in response to what you know, what you are being in your self is a lack of meaning. When you’re not directly in response to what you know in your heart, what you are being is no longer meaning. When you go about looking for meaning, when you use your self to look for meaning, you’re looking for what you are; you’re looking for what you really without being what you really are.
When you look for what you really are in your self, you make your self meaningless. When you’re not directly in response to what you know, you disconnect from you, you disconnect from meaning, and you’ll hold your self responsible for what you’re not being. That accomplishes your self being meaningless, because what you really are can’t be found in your self; it’s found in your direct response to what you know the truth of in your heart. When you turn to your self for a sense of meaning, for a sense of you, you are inviting depression.
Your self isn’t your source. A deeper level of you is your source. You are your own source; not the level of you that you’re accustomed to but a much deeper level of you, a level of you you know and have no experience of.
When you love what you know, what you know in your heart, you are in love with meaning. You knowing meaning moves you: not knowing the meaning of something, but you, awareness, directly knowing meaning.
When you are in response to what you know, you are, as awareness, awakening to meaning. You are directly entering meaning. You are entering what makes you, you. Your self and how you experience your self no longer makes you. It’s no longer your source. A deeper level of you is your source. You are your source.
The more that you’re open, the more you are in. The more that you want or need, the more you are out. Your direct response as awareness puts you in. As soon as you respond, you’re in.