Q: If I am really honest, it feels for me like my sexuality roots, or my deepest sexuality roots from a completely different place than the sexuality I have learned. I feel I don’t really know my sexuality, actually. I don’t know if you can say something from here.
John: What is real sexuality for?
Q: Only for real meeting, I suppose.
John: That is what enables you to get completely lost inside of a flower. It’s the means through which a flower can take you into itself. To use it for anything else than a quality such as that, you hurt your self. It is only when you let your sexuality be as is, regardless of its condition within you; you letting it be whatever it presently is without doing anything with it. That allows your sexuality to unfold, and as it unfolds, it unfolds you. If you use sexuality for your self, then that folds you up.
Letting how your sexual chemistry moves within your body, whether it is such a chemistry that would cause you to reach out, or whether it is such a chemistry that would cause you to contract and pull back, that whatever it is, you let it fully be that, without interfering and without having to do anything with it; that it is simply allowed to be whatever it is in your body. Then you are settling through your own sexuality without using it.
The distraction is to use it by either running into or running away from, and both are the same. No longer fearing your sexuality, no longer getting excited by your sexuality. It is just simply being okay in it, in whatever condition it is, regardless how lame it is, whether it manifests itself in a lameness of needing to move out, or whether it manifests itself in a lameness of needing to contract. Being in it, as is, without giving it any energy.
Your sexuality is one of the doorways into the universe, but only if you pass through that door without touching it, without using it for your self. Then sexuality no longer has power, no longer has power over you. It’s no longer big, and it’s no longer used to have power over others. The power of sexuality dissolves as your whole heart is in it, as is, without using it or fearing it. In being in your sexuality as is, then the power of sexuality is returned to what you are as a being.
When the power of your sexuality is returned to what you are as a being, then you can freely merge. Then a flower, or a tree, or a rock, or someone else’s heart – whether they love you or whether they hate you – then anything can have you, without gain, without loss. As long as sexuality has power then your heart has borders. As the power of your sexuality dissolves and that power is returned to what you are as a being, then the borders around your heart dissolve, giving you free access into the whole universe.
It is first being very gently okay, as is, within those borders and confined by those borders, no longer fearing the borders and no longer needing to reach past them. Being finally okay within your own sexuality, neither pushing nor pulling back, regardless of what your present sexuality is and how it confines you; that you finally no longer have any issue with it. You are free of it while being completely in it. Then your heart, together with your sexuality, heals. What is recovered in such a healing is what you are as a being. As your whole heart is settling in the midst of your sexuality, your heart being gentled and quieted and stilled in the midst of such an energy, then sexuality is no longer associated with sex.
An integrated sexuality is the realized capacity for the whole heart to make love without having to use the physical. That is the realized capacity to know and be known by a flower without even having to touch it. Then, within a relationship that has in it a base of being, and the relationship is solidified in that base of being, then such an integrated energy can express itself through all of the physical, opening up the entire body: the awakening of the body. Then physical lovemaking makes the body transparent, the body realized as a being, where there is no longer any separation between you and your body, the two being one.
As long as sexuality has in it for you gain or loss, it is because you and your body are experienced as being separate, that they are not yet experientially one. As long as the body is being used to either contract within sexuality or to take, to use, then that makes you separate from your body; that you are not yet realized within your body, and once being realized within your body, completely merging with it.
First, it is for you to just be within your body in whichever way the sexual chemistry moves through it, not having to do anything with it but just resting in the midst of it.