599 – Parenting: What Your Child Really Wants from You
John responds to a mother’s wish to understand why her young daughter still seems unhappy, despite her best efforts at parenting.
Q: How can I move better in life and how can I stay in this movement? Something is happening that I don’t really move in life. Is there a blockage in my subconsciousness?
John: It’s in your self and it’s not in your heart.
Q: My blockage?
John: Your difficulty.
Q: So it means just okay as it is, with this stuck in my self?
John: Warmly. Warmly okay. The warm okayness gives you mobility. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be able to move quickly through the difficulty, but you will have movement.
Q: I need more patience?
John: Enjoy the warm okayness and you won’t be impatient, warm okayness which comes from you being in your heart. As that warm okayness moves into your self, it undoes old conclusions. It takes apart old conclusions. An old conclusion drawn is drawn out of tightness and hardness. As that comes into your experience, drawn up by a circumstance, your warm okayness in that undoes the tightness and the hardness of yours that put it in place.
It doesn’t need to undo it instantly. If you stay with the warm okayness and a forward movement, it does undo the difficulty. If you try to understand the block or the difficulty without a warm okayness moving through it, the energy that you give in needing to understand feeds the old conclusion. You’re making it interesting. When you give it interest, you give it further purpose.
The tendency in your self is to do something with what is there, and what you’ll do is something that’s not real. Trying to understand it isn’t real.
Q: I like it to have clarity. It’s more like that.
John: But that isn’t what is real. When you want to have clarity about it, that’s so that you can move forward. When you’re coming from your heart and being an openness and a softness of heart in the midst of that difficulty, and staying with that beingness, you’ll be able to move through it. You prefer to have clarity rather than doing what does immediately work. The tendency in the self is to use the self.
Q: I’m not aware that I’m doing it.
John: It’s your thinking and your feeling that created the block. When you use thought and feeling to gain clarity about the block, you’re feeding it. You’ll think and feel in a way that is similar to the block. It won’t be an open and a soft-hearted thinking and feeling. Any kind of beingness in your thought and your feeling in focusing on the block that is any way similar to the beingness that put together that block, keeps it from coming apart.
It’s the forward movement of a pure beingness that undoes the work of a tight and a hard beingness. It’s the closing and the hardening at some point in your past that installs the block, that puts together the block.
Q: In my childhood?
John: At some time, yes. What’s used to give the closing and hardening comprehension in your self is thought and feeling. When you apply thought and feeling to undo it, you’ll naturally use a beingness that is similar to what put together the block. When you look at the block, you look at it in a way that you can relate to it. You try to gain clarity by relating to the block so that you can understand it. In relating to it, you’re giving it your power. You’re doing to it what it is doing to you. If you do it even subtly, you feed it.
The way through it is a completely different way than how you move in your self. It’s a different way than the way that you relate to in your self. You can’t escape the way in your self when you’re using your self. When you use your self to deal with something, you’re relating to your self. That’s what enables you to use it.
The way through is simpler than what your self is like. Your self isn’t like your own being. When you return in the midst of your self to your heart, and you are opening and softening in your heart, you’re being the same as what your own being is like. That beingness has access in your self. There’s no block in your self that can withstand what your own being is like.
When you’re moving in your heart with warm okayness and an openness and a softness, you find your way through any block. It isn’t really a block. It’s only in your experience in your self that you perceive it as a block. That perception keeps it a block. You experience the block, and you believe what you think and feel in the midst of that block. Your belief empowers it.
Q: And why am I doing that? Because I’m unconscious.
John: You’re most accustomed to just being your self, but being your self is not like what your own being is like. Being your self makes you unconscious of your own being. Your experience of your self most easily blinds you to your own being. Self-awareness removes you from your being, and it removes you from your heart unless you have a self-awareness that comes from your heart. When you have a self-awareness from your heart, your awareness of your self is clearly secondary to your awareness of what you know in your heart. The awareness of your self naturally has a greater pull. It has the strongest pull because your self has more form. It’s what has the form, and your self is your habit.
Q: Is this form located in a body? Is it in my solar plexus?
John: It’s in all of your body.
Q: My whole body is my whole self?
John: Yes. You have different power centers in your self, and those power centers are in your body. And your self is in all of your body.
Q: It means when I have problems with my body then I have difficulties in my self?
John: You can’t conclude the truth of that. What you’re saying might be true. There can be other reasons for that pain. If you conclude that the pain in your body is because of your self, how you’re being in your self, you feed your self.
You don’t have a body only to register your self. You’re multi-leveled, and if as awareness you’re dwelling in your multiple levels, in your deeper levels, these levels also come into your body. They come into your nervous system and they come into your brain, enabling you to read your different levels by simply being in your body. You know how to read your self in your body.
When you’re in your heart, you’re in a different level of your body. Your experience of your body subtly shifts when you’re in your heart, instead of in your self. When you have entrance to your own being because of being what you know in your heart, the other levels of you come into your awareness, and it’s as you live by them. These deeper levels of you that are of your own being come into your body and become embodied. As they become embodied, you’re able to read them with the use of your brain and your nervous system.
If your belief as awareness goes first to your self, that shuts down your finer access to your deeper levels. What brings your self into balance is that you live by your deeper levels instead of existing first as a self. You coming from your deeper levels, which opens up the levels in your body, puts your self into perspective. You gain an understanding of your self that doesn’t come from your self. It comes from you dwelling in your deeper levels.
You can’t have real perspective about your self when that perspective comes from your self. The real perspective comes from what’s deeper. When you encounter a block in your self and you use your self to comprehend that block, you’re incapable of having the perspective to move that block. If you seem to move that block with the use of your self, then the block being there and its removal is all a part of a game in your self.
That’s like having your own solution in your self and you have nothing to apply it to. You create a problem so that you can use your solution. All that that accomplishes is that it gives your self a false sense of importance.
The real dissolver and mover of blocks in your self isn’t your self. It doesn’t come from your self. It comes from you functioning from within deeper levels. You meet a block in your self and you apply what you know in your deeper levels, you moving as its beingness that dissolves the block.
Q: I have this ability to dwell in the deeper levels and coming from the deeper levels moving into the block?
John: Yes.
Q: So is it ability that I have or that I have to develop?
John: Both. You already have a little bit of it. Just enough for you to have a real beginning. As you use it, it strengthens and it develops. Through use, you gain more and more of your own deeper levels. If you’re not using what’s deeper than your self, you will use your self to address everything.
Q: So in my daily life it means I have to be aware every moment where I’m coming from. So, I need a practice in my life.
John: You don’t need a practice. You need a practice to do what’s not natural to you. If your orientation is to your self, you need a practice so that you can act like what’s deeper than your self. That doesn’t change your orientation; it changes the appearance of your movement.
When you shift your orientation as awareness to what is deeper within than your self, you are naturally in your heart. It’s in your heart that you know the truth. Your orientation to what is deeper than your self is what reads what you know in your heart. You don’t need to think to read what you know the truth of.
When your orientation is to what is deeper than your self, you naturally move into everything within that is not your self. The truth in your heart you’re naturally inclined to. It’s what you relate to first when that’s your orientation. Then it doesn’t require thinking and feeling in your self for you to know the truth. It doesn’t require thought and feeling. It doesn’t require effort and use of your will for you, through your heart, to access your own being; it’s natural to you. It’s what you relate to. It doesn’t require an understanding. It doesn’t require the use of your intellect.
When you’re coming from that and being that, you have mobility in your self that doesn’t originate from your self. To that mobility your self opens and responds. It turns you into a self whisperer, like a horse whisperer or a dog whisperer. A dog whisperer approaches a problem dog and works what seems like magic.
When you come from your heart, that’s the beginning, the very beginning of you coming from your own being. In being that when you enter your self, you have way with your self that’s beyond what your self is. Your self is made to respond to that. You are being the code that opens your self.
Be what is deeper than your self in the midst of your self and your self turns into what you’re being in it.
Q: And that creates a new self, then?
John: Yes. That’s a true becoming. It’s a true development that doesn’t make your self important. It makes your being more important than your self. It puts your self into perspective. It puts your self into continual response to your own being. That cannot occur without you coming from your own being.
599 – Parenting: What Your Child Really Wants from You
John responds to a mother’s wish to understand why her young daughter still seems unhappy, despite her best efforts at parenting.
598 – The Person, the Self and the Being: Identifying the Many Levels of You (Part 2)
This dialogue is a continuation of last week’s podcast 597. John speaks about what ego is, the power we have to create mystery to conceal what is clear, and what takes us deeper than personal integrity.
597 – The Person, the Self and the Being: Identifying the Many Levels of You (Part 1)
Person, self, being … what’s the difference and what is real? Using different analogies, John explains how our different levels connect and shares the code to being what we really are.
596 – Beyond Sadness and Pain: Happy Without a Reason
John reveals the source of the deep well of sadness and pain this person carries, and shares how she can reconnect with her original happiness.
595 – When a Crumb of Truth in Your Heart is Your Home
John responds to a spiritual dilemma: a desperate longing for realization, coupled with the fear of nothingness that seems to come with it.
594 – Fully Present in Your Body, Fully Present in Your Heart
Closing down to the experience of vulnerability can mean dissociating from the body. John shares a simple way to become more present however uncomfortable we feel.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
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