Q: Yesterday something amazingly powerful, deep and intimate moved between you and I. It surprisingly quite undid me. Despite the undeniability of this experience, in this self there is an enormously strong disbelief, a denying of what passed between us and what passes between us right now and I’m wondering if you can help me with that a little.
John: That’s its training. That’s mostly how your ancestors trained their selves. How this world, through their givenness to it, trained their selves and all of that is passed down genetically to your body, your self. Added to that you’ve adopted more and purchased more that wasn’t real. All of that is further added to the training of your self.
One touch into your self super-activates all of its training and through that touch, through your belief of your self, all of that voice streams right into you and makes you in your experience just like your self. As soon as you relax, as soon as you, awareness, relax despite that great influence, despite that seemingly all-pervasive power, as soon as you relax it has nothing in you. As soon as you relax it all falls off. It’s powerless in relationship to you, awareness, relaxed; you awareness in the quietude of your being, where all you are is openness and softness. All you are is warm okayness without a reason. There, the hold on your self without any move of yours, is dissolved. It cannot hold you. It doesn’t hold into you. It has nothing to do with you as long as what you are being is what you really are and you’re not being something of that power and conditioning that’s in your self.
As you relax, your self, in its present condition, relaxes and as you are being relaxed awareness, you being what you really are in the midst of your self, your self not only relaxes; it changes. It so beautifully responds to you. It follows you. It becomes what you’re being in it.
Q: So, as I touch my self, as I give my self credence, I find an automatic hardening.
John: That’s good. Your self is reflecting back to you what you are being in it. That is so wonderful. It performs in the same reflective way when you are opening and softening in it. Your self is actual form but put together functionally in a way that is illusory. It’s actual form but it’s not real. It’s not like you.
When you die, all that is actual and not real passes off of you. You’re cleaned of it, as you are also cleaned of why you were in that form, cleaned of your purpose in that. The opportunity for what you really are to flourish is also cleaned from you. It’s over, regardless of what you’ve done with it. But the condition of your soul – which is what it is because of what you’ve been in your body and in your self and in this world – that stays with you. It accurately reflects your development.
When disbelief comes into your experience in the face of what you know, that disbelief, doubt, skepticism, they are all unintegrated powers in your self, powers of mind that have no real value; they are incapable of describing you. Disbelief, doubt, skepticism doesn’t reflect you. It reflects the separateness of your self and the ways that your self is not like you. As you touch into it, it offers you the opinion of experience, unintegrated experience, narrow, hard, closed experience. It offers you such level of opinion on what you are knowing, on you. As you continue the touch into your self, you’ll be taken by that. Whatever you, awareness, touch into is what you’re given to, is what takes you. Whatever you touch into, true or false, real or illusory, you empower. It will be as powerful as all of the power that you give it.
Q: Yesterday as I sat here I experienced what for me was a mind blowing conundrum, sitting in the stillness of movement and then, deeper than that, that even in this moment still rocks me very deeply. I found that through looking at you I heard, but differently. It was through our seeing. I found an intense and intimate listening. How does one have an ability to listen through one’s seeing?
John: By not being taken first by the experience but by what you, awareness still, directly know in it. That’s your real listening. It’s your real listening within that takes you in the experience that then enables you to be truly taken by your experience because of the truth of it, or not taken by what you’re experiencing, whatever it is you experience, because of not directly knowing the truth of it; that you’ll only be taken by what you, awareness, know. Completely taken by what you know is real experience or not taken at all by even powerful experience that you quietly know within isn’t it.
When you believe what you know, that’s also your permission as awareness for what you are knowing that is moving to have your self, your body, your life in whatever condition it’s in; that the knowledge you’re responding to, the direct knowledge, you’re letting you being that have everything that’s yours. Oneness in its badly conditioned forms perfectly alchemizes them.
When you have an experience that is real and not just actual, when you have an experience in your self, in your body, that’s perfectly reflective of you and you believe what you’re knowing, you’re taken by what you’re knowing, and then also because it’s based on knowledge you are taken by your experience. You are letting that much of your form, that much of your self that is filled and moved, shift and change. If what you’re experiencing is real and true to knowledge, that experience, by what you know, matters everything. Your belief of experience that is true to knowledge enables knowledge, being, awareness, one, to be physical, that enables oneness to have body: yours.
Stepped right into at any personal cost, at any cost to your ancestors’ investments, you come to embody knowledge, your being, oneness.