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John de Ruiter Podcast 499

John de Ruiter Podcast 499

From Unhappiness to Clarity: Loving the Way You Know

When: April 27, 2013 @ 7:00pm
The terms of this man’s new relationship feel frustrating and unacceptable to him. Why is it so painful and what can he do? There’s only one way, and John explains.
“When what you know the truth of in your heart is wonderfully your only way, every fragment of you returns to you and you function as one.”
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Podcast Transcript

From Unhappiness to Clarity: Loving the Way You Know

Q1: My wife died six years ago. Since, I met a woman with whom I had a beautiful time, very intimate, but recently she got ill. She was hospitalized for a long time. She realized that our relation was too close for her, too intense, and she wanted to change it entirely. It has been now one day a month to relate to her, and obviously that is not acceptable for me. One day a month is no relation; it is calculation (laughter) but it gives me a lot of grief. I keep thinking of her and calling her. At my advanced age I’m still so attached that in a way it deteriorates my life.

John: On the level of what you have experienced of her, you need her for the experience to continue. A little bit deeper within, you don’t need for the experience to continue, and in the same way you don’t need her. What she is not making available you then don’t need. Release what is not in your control. Then the relationship on her terms ends, and the bond between the two of you in what is deeper, on its own terms, continues.

Q: I can understand it and even accept it, but my feelings resist and make me unhappy and that is the whole problem for me.

John: It’s important for you to be honest to what you’re feeling, and being honest to what you’re feeling is not as important as you being honest to what you know in your heart concerning the issue. What you know in your heart is to let go of what you’re holding onto in your feelings. That doesn’t undo the bond between the two of you. It undoes how you’re holding to it in your self.

Q: That is not an easy way, at least not for me.

John: You have no other real alternative. There’s only one way for you even if that one way, true to what you know, doesn’t suit the way your self is put together. Your surrender to what you know, despite the contrary experience in your self, is you easing your self into what you know.

When you’re completely clear, clear to what you know in your heart concerning the issue, your self will come along in the same way that when you are, as a parent, clear all the way through toward your child, your child will come along. When the child sees that you are completely clear, that there is no other alternative, the child realizes to come along. When the child sees that you are one little speck not clear, that child will fight for that speck in you. You give the child reason for resistance instead of giving the child reason only for clarity because that’s what you’re coming from.

In the same way, when you are completely clear in what you know the truth of in your heart, your self comes along. Any part that is separate from what you know, any part in you, your self will then embody that part and keep representing that to you until you become clear.

Q: It’s clear enough that I have no other way to do.

John: Then love that you have no other real alternative. Love the way you know, and you’re clear. When you are clear, your self becomes the same. Your self reflects you completely in that clarity when you are all clear. When you are split, your self is split. When you are only clear in what you know in your heart, your self is only clear. Your self folds into you, with you providing its new form.

When you resist what you know the truth of, your self resists you. Your self resisting you is the fragment of you, as awareness, separated from what you really are in what you know, seated in your self – a fragment of you resisting the rest of you. You don’t need to be fragmented. When what you know the truth of in your heart is wonderfully your only way, every fragment of you returns to you and you function as one.

Q: Yes, I think I can continue my life with what you said. Thank you.

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