Q: I didn’t speak with you for a long time. There is not much happening in my experience, just waves of weakness and tiredness. I don’t know to say if I’m sick or not. I’m not sure I can discern. It doesn’t seem like I’m sick. It seems to me like a cleaning or something, but it’s for a long time and I’m not very comfortable in that. Sometimes when I see the waves are coming and going, coming and going, coming and going, my thoughts go to maybe I need to change something, like changing the environment, changing my work, changing the partner which I’m with. It can be very strong and convincing. How do I end the split there?
John: By being sweetly at home in it, where there’s no personal need anymore to address it, to deal with it, to change it.
Q: Going to places that on the surface a lot of the time, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to decide.
John: Then warmly. Instead of not knowing what to do, warmly not knowing that to do. Unconditional warmth ends the split. The experience of the split doesn’t need to change.
Q: For example, I don’t know if to be in a relationship or not to be, from the perspective of myself. I don’t have a special interest in that.
John: If you don’t know, then don’t change your circumstance. If you don’t know, then be warmly clueless. The warmth is everything.
Q: Why does it have to go through this weakness and cluelessness and all this uncomfortable stuff?
John: Because that is the condition of the self.
Q: So I cannot count or relate on any experience, feeling, thought, anything?
John: You can’t count on your self concerning anything that’s deeper than your self. Count on your self concerning appearances in surface reality. Count on your self concerning driving, but not concerning your heart, not concerning you.
Q: Yup. But it puts me in in places of cluelessness in different situations that are really simple situations. I’m functioning pretty good. But really regular stuff, if I want them or don’t want them, I don’t know.
John: Where you are clear in your self, warmly be and warmly do. Where you know that you’re not clear and where you know that you are clueless in your self, warmly be. If you cross these two, if you mix them, you fool your self.
Q: Can you give an example?
John: If you have no clarity whatsoever, if you genuinely don’t know whether to keep your present job or not, if you have no idea, you can’t see, then just warmly stay in your job.
Q: Yes, I think it’s the weakness and what it brings with it that pushes me into the confusion.
John: You being honest concerning your self, is you being relaxed concerning the weaknesses and the strengths in your self. That you genuinely accept your self in all of its aspects as it is. That you have no personal need for a different kind of self. No personal need for more strengths and less weaknesses. If you’re not at home in your self as it is, you will fool your self. You’ll compensate for your weaknesses by counting on strength in the place of a weakness, which is crippling to your weaknesses.
Q: What do you mean by crippling to my weaknesses: covers up?
John: It covers it up and adds disease to it.
Q: Please explain this.
John: You’ll use strength in the place that you’re actually weak, which puts a much greater burden on the weakness and it also places a burden on the strength to compensate for the weakness. It exaggerates your strength and it blinds you to your weakness.
Q: And it is the split again. And these waves of weakness, it needs to be a long time?
John: It doesn’t matter. It could be for the rest of your life.
Q: When it comes up “maybe I’m doing something wrong” just warmly come back?
John: Yes. “Maybe” needs to also then mean “maybe not.” “Maybe” cannot invite you to conclude anything. If you don’t know, don’t conclude. That leaves you quieted in your weaknesses. That leaves your weaknesses in your care, instead of your weaknesses having placement in your blind spot. Where there’s polarization, all weakness and all strength in your self necessarily create false belief.
Q: What do you mean by necessarily false belief? I’m experiencing polarization, why does it necessarily have to create a false belief?
John: Not where you experience polarization, but where you, awareness, are being polarized.
Q: So there is a false belief?
John: Where you are polarized, yes. And the more you experience weakness and the more you experience strength, the more false belief grows – a continual fooling of your self. It’s only where you are not polarized because of being gentled and quieted in your heart, that you’re able to see your self, in all of its weaknesses, in all of its strengths, just as it is.
Q: You mean if I’m going with the strength or the weakness, if I’m going with this or that, it ensures more false belief?
John: More specifically if you, awareness, are polarized then your seeing will be polarized. So in your weaknesses and in your strengths, you’ll manufacture seeing. It’s the polarization that does that. You’ll see what you want to see and you won’t be able to see anything as it is, as it really is. You won’t be able to know your self.
Have no need for any different experience which frees you to experience cleanly. It places you within experience that has no bias. It lets you have honest presence in whatever you’re experiencing: purity in the midst of all effects of separation. Oneness in the midst of separation: healing.
Q: That’s beautiful. And in the places that I don’t know what I want, just leave it?
John: Warmly. And where you do know what you want, leave it, warmly.
Q: Leave it, meaning I won’t go with that?
John: Yes. Then clarity is free to lead you instead of want and need. When you’re hungry, don’t eat something because you want to and you need to. Eat something because you’re clear to. It’s the difference between a higher self and a lower self. A lower self is driven by want and need and nothing will ever satisfy it. A higher self is relaxed and moves naturally because it is clear.
Q: It’s not at all about experience, here.
John: That’s right, and you can’t read the truth that’s there in your experience if you’re polarized in your experience, if you’re being polarized, if you’re held by want and need.
Q: It’s not at all about experience, also not about deep experience or high experience or any of those amazing or not amazing experiences that I ever had.
John: It’s all about what you directly know in what you experience.
Q: The knowing is not even a subtle experience?
John: It can be a subtle experience, it can be a powerful experience, but you go by what you directly know in the subtle and the powerful, instead of going by subtle and powerful.
Q: So if I don’t know, I won’t change.
John: Change only for what you know. Don’t change for your wants and your needs. Clarity knows how to guide want and need to a deep place of rest, which involves movement or to a high place of rest, which also involves movement. In a higher place of rest there’s a change of perspective. In a deeper place of rest there’s a change of beingness.
Q: And the movements are influencing each other?
John: No. Then want and need no longer influence clarity, which means you won’t be fooling your self anymore and clarity will be constantly influencing want and need bringing the perspective and the beingness that’s there in want and need, into balance.
Q: The perspective and the beingness goes together?
Q: Moves together from clarity?
Q: One becomes two and then more? Like oneness moving in multiple streams.
John: Now you can heal, regardless of how that’s reflected in your experience.
Bye for now.
Q: Thank you.