Q: Hello, John. I feel that the polarity and the extremes within me make me crazy. At times I feel full of joy and amusement. At times I feel madness. At times I feel pain, sorrow, agony, at times ecstasy, and yet I don’t know how to reach the balance or how to reach the serenity.

John: You won’t be reaching it in form without passing through all of the pain, all of the disturbance, all of the craziness, all of the seeming insanity, all of the upheaval in your self. The reason that you experience such polarity isn’t because what you are is polarity. It’s because there is a great difference between what you’ve awakened to, what you really are, within, and what your self is. Your self doesn’t yet have the matching form to you.

When you are being, within, what you know you have awakened to and you experience the ecstasy of that, the bliss of that, and you experience that in the midst of your self, then you also experience at the same time your self. That gives you, in your experience, polarity. The experience of your self is simply contrary to what you are in everything that is deeper than what your self is. When you experience both at the same time, that makes you feel crazy. You’re not crazy. You just don’t have a self yet that matches what you’ve awakened to. You don’t yet have a self that is the same as what you really are, within, but with form.

Your self is the form that you have come into this world with, and that form is not the same as you are. It has you experiencing that there is a split. It isn’t that there is a split. There is no split in you, in what is deeper than your self. There can be and there’s able to be a split of awareness. When you give what you are as awareness to what you really know you are, within, and at the same time giving what you are as awareness to the self of yours that isn’t yet a match for you, that isn’t yet form true to you, then you become a split, within, and it isn’t because there is actually a split in you in what is deeper than your self. It is that your belief, as awareness, is moving in opposite directions at the same time.

As you are being what you’re knowing the truth of, within, being that within your heart, being that with all of your heart with that mattering more to you than any experience you have of your self, then what you are is an equanimity of being in the midst of a self that, with form, isn’t like that yet; it isn’t like you yet. It isn’t the self that is profoundly appropriate for you. But as you are being this equanimity of being, within, in the midst of a such self as yours, your self, its structures, its forms, will slowly change and become as you are. As that occurs, your experience of the craziness will pass.

The way this works is that your self becomes what you are being in it. When you are being the craziness that you experience in your self, your self becomes more crazy, so in that way your self will become worse. Your self, its structures and its forms are matching what you are being in it. When what you are being within your self isn’t determined by your experience of your self but it’s determined by what you’re knowing the truth of in your heart, and that you are being what you know that is in the midst of your crazy self, your self will slowly ‘un-crazy’. That makes you the reason of the healing of your self.

Love being what you know the truth of in your heart, and love being that in the midst of whatever kind of self you have. Give that much time and you’ll see the wondrous change.