Excerpt from a dialogue with John de Ruiter on February 3 , 2016
Q: I’ve had intense energy movement in my body for over a year now, and it has led to some health issues. Sometimes I can barely walk. I’ve tried to understand why it is this way and it’s very debilitating at times. I’m hoping that your message of openness and softness is the one I need to move or release it.
John: What makes any energy movement in your body problematic is when its movement is self-referenced. When it’s self-referenced, control is introduced in relationship to that energy, which is control brought into your body. That makes the ways in your self physical, which is most hard on your body.
Q: Can you explain what you mean by self-referencing the energy?
John: It can be there because of self-referencing, or it can be there because you’re awakening. When you make anything to centre on your self, so that your self is the focal point of your body – its energies, your life, your experience – you make you, awareness, less than your self which is all to the exclusion of your being.
Q: I make it very difficult for my self and I’ve grappled with ego. I understand being. I work too hard at it. Your talk yesterday helped me a lot and I felt capable again, but sometimes there’s the trickiness of ego.
John: You’re not a victim of your ego. Your ego isn’t something that’s yours; it’s you. It’s a distortion of you, awareness, that comes from how you relate to your self. If your way of relating to your self isn’t openness and softness of heart, you’ll relate to your self by investing importance in it. You create self-importance. The energy of self-importance is the ego.
There’s really only openness and softness of heart. Everything else is a diversion from you being what you really are. Working on your self is a diversion. Working on your being is a diversion. Your only real and true way within is openness and softness of heart. Openness and softness of heart is free of everything that isn’t what you really are.
Q: You gave me that knowing, yesterday. Thank you.
John: Openness and softness of heart means more than your self, more than your past, more than your life, more than your body and your health. Openness and softness of heart is everything. It’s the door to your being. It is extremely healthful, but that’s beside the point. It is extremely transformative in your self, but that’s beside the point.
The real point is that it is most deeply, most quietly, your first love because it is what is first true. Wherever you are opening and softening in your heart, you are being what you know.
Q: Thank you.