JdR Podcast 240
Advice for Young Adults and Children on Spiritual Awakening
Children and young adults ask about family, life, love and spiritual awakening/spirituality.
“When you open inside toward someone and your heart begins to move toward that person because you are opening, that movement is love.” —John de Ruiter Podcast 240
Transcript from this talk
From the Edmonton, Canada Open Mic on April 21, 2017 Evening
Q1: My question is how do you know everything when people ask you it?
I come from a very different place and I have a lot of experience in that. Without coming from that place, I wouldn’t know everything that I know.
Q2: When I get mad at people like my sister, sometimes, when she takes my stuff something inside of me tells me that I should just get really mad and hit her, but I don’t want to do it because I know I’m going to get in trouble and I just want to know if I can let it go and not get angry at someone for doing something?
If you let it go, you’ll see differently. As this comes up the next number of times, completely let it go and as you do, notice how your seeing changes. And when you see that, you’ll realize that that different kind of seeing means so much more than you losing anything. That deeper, quiet kind of seeing means the most and when you do everything from within that deeper, quiet seeing, everything that you do is so much richer. And while you’re in that, if your sister takes something away from you, you won’t really notice a loss because you’re already in what’s richer, deeper, more colourful, and that your whole insides are all about that. And then, as you play with your sister, this deeper seeing comes out of you and you see it move toward her, and it really changes how you are with her. As you do this a number of times, you’ll easily begin to fall in love with this really different kind of space inside of you, and you begin to look for that space in everything that you do.
Q3: Sometimes I have fights and I just really don’t like them. How do you stop them?
When you lie down to go to sleep and you become all quiet inside, everything settles and becomes clear. The way that you are inside, that’s how to be when you’re with your friends. When you’re like that inside, you see your friends differently. You begin to see what’s inside of them, just like what is inside of you when you’re quiet and clear. And you find that, in that, you really like being together.
Q4: I was wondering how you see dreams?
Dreams are similar to being awake. When you’re awake, you get to know your self. When you’re asleep and you’re dreaming, that’s a really different kind of getting to know your self, and both are important. It’s a little bit like if you’re right-handed in how you use your hands, and then instead of doing something with your right hand that you’re used to, do the same thing with your left hand. And it can be a little strange or awkward, but if you don’t mind the strangeness something really interesting happens inside of you. Your energy inside moves differently and your experience of being in your body changes. If your thinking doesn’t go to the difficulty of changing hands in what you do and it goes into a really sweet kind of noticing, then you come to love what happens inside of you. Being in your dreams is a really different kind of learning, especially if you don’t look at your dreams as being just dreams. Look at it as being a different part of you in a different kind of time, and like getting to know that different part of you.
Q5: Often when I have connections with you, or see things in meetings, or have conversations with you, I find myself often crying afterwards and trying to find someone to blame for that. I was wondering what inside brings those emotions out?
When you speak with me and spend time with me, without even trying you open in a way that’s unusual for you. As soon as we speak, you’re relating differently. That different kind of relating opens your self up. At the time, it’s really nurturing and after, you can feel emotional because your self is all opened up. You’ll find that you’re uncomfortable with that crying and uncomfortable with why you’re crying, not really understanding it; that you’re inside of a vulnerability, and the reason that you’ll turn and try to blame it on someone is because that grounds you in your emotions. When you open like that and your self changes, you’ll feel like you are, in some way, not in control and you feel vulnerable in that. You’re all opened up inside. You can regain your power on the surface, in your experience, by just getting upset with someone. You can use some of your power to get your control back. But it isn’t a real control. Next time, instead of turning your own vulnerability onto someone else, just stay quietly in it. And you don’t need to understand what’s different or why you’re crying, just stay there until it quietens.
Q6: Sometimes if I go to a restaurant and they have a buffet or something like that, my parents tell me to go by what I know and not just overload my plate with stuff. The thing is, I didn’t exactly know the difference between wanting it or knowing it.
When you’re in the same situation next time, instead of trying to work out what knowing is, instead of doing what you know, do what you think is wise. Just do what you honestly think is best, without overthinking it, and enjoy doing that. What happens then is that you experience your heart opening and you discover that that actually means more to you than to just eat anything that you want. As you do that more and more, really enjoying that, your relationship with your interior, your inside, gets to be stronger than much of your relationship with what is outside. That makes everything on the outside much better. It makes you happy about things on the outside.
Q7: Why do people have fights?
Because people use their mental power and emotional power to make sure that they get what they want. As soon as you’re in a fight, that means both of you are using force. You’re using power to force your way. As soon as you’re in a fight, both of you are a little lost. If you live that way, eventually it becomes difficult and complicated to find your way back.
You can move differently inside. Have you ever had a candy or something that you like, and you’re about to have it and a friend of yours sees it and you can tell that your friend would like it? And in a moment like that, as soon as you see that, have you ever changed your mind, opened up inside, and just given it away? And how wonderful that is inside. It’s a little bit like the sky opening and you experience that you’re actually happier in giving it than keeping it. If you haven’t experienced that before, then try it. It’s quite surprising.
Q8: What’s beyond love?
Love that is really quiet. The kind of love that you’re used to is like a love stream, where you feel it. What is a little bit beyond that is, instead of a love stream that moves, a love pool that’s really quiet.
Q9: What happens if I don’t understand what you guys talk about in the meetings, or if I stop coming to the meetings, or if I grow up and I still don’t understand – then what happens?
All that means is that you won’t understand. But, regardless of what you don’t understand, is there anything in it you do understand?
Q9: Yeah. I understand what you’re talking about here, I think, but not really always in the meetings.
Then stay in the part that you do understand and that nurtures you – any kind of understanding or a level of understanding that nurtures you, that does something to your heart. If you hear something being talked about that you don’t understand at all, you’re better off then to just leave it for now and just stay in the part that you do understand.
Q9: But what would happen, for example, if I got older and I moved away because I didn’t understand anything?
Instead of it being about moving away or staying, as you grow up stay in your heart, and in whatever you do, having grown up, live the same way.
Q10: When my sister bites me and I ask her to stop, she doesn’t really stop.
When she does that, you can say something funny to her that’s really sweet, instead of getting mad which in some way tells her to keep doing it. Say something funny and really sweet to her. It won’t work all the time. It’ll work sometimes, and, as that does, it changes both of you.
Q11: I want to know if I can be as open as I was a few years ago.
Yes. But then you’ll also have to let go of a number of things that you’ve been holding onto inside. If you’re okay with letting those things go then, as you open, you’ll be open like you were then. You’ll be continuing where you left off, then. The things that you hold onto inside aren’t really going to help you with anything that’s real.
Q12: I feel like my life is a ticking time bomb. I’m always really fearful because I don’t know what to do with it. And I feel like there’s so much, but I just don’t know what, and I keep trying to suppress that emotion by distracting myself with very silly things like what I should wear tomorrow, or an exam, instead of just taking a step back and looking at what I need to do, what I was put on this earth for. I was just wondering if you knew how to discover that.
Really like taking that step back and, as you do, notice what opens up on the inside that you’re not going to get from the outside. The way that you open up on the inside – it’s a little bit like the sun coming out – and you’re not going to get that through any choice of what you wear or what you do. Then, in whatever you wear, the sun is up. And stay really close to that.
Q12: Do you know what we’re meant to do? Because sometimes I try and ask my parents really subtly what I’m meant to do or what my purpose is, but honestly I don’t really think they know either. I just really need to figure out because I don’t think I’m going the right direction.
Give your self some time to work that out. And also, like being open about it and relaxed about it, that it isn’t going to matter a lot what direction you move in, what you choose to do. The way that you approach it, and how you are in what leads up to that is going to make the biggest difference in your choice of what you do. You’ll have a little bit of a deeper seeing in whatever you do.
Q13: My mum and I have a lot of differences on the personal level. And it can be very difficult to relate to her in normal everyday situations. And I have not figured out how to really be with her, and how to really take care of her in a deeper way. I don’t feel very good about the way that I am with her some of the time.
Are there some things or in some ways where the two of you are the same? It doesn’t have to be anything on the surface. Then, start to explore being that way. It will broaden how you are in your self, instead of you siding with the strengths in your self and the things that you like to give your energy to that are different from what she’s like. So instead of staying different, discover what it’s like to start becoming the same, and see what that does to you inside. Do that in little ways with her. When you do that, what you find is that as you’re in that, you love her. As you realize the value of that in doing that, it will keep working for you for the rest of your life in all of your relationships.
Q14: I was wondering if you’re a kid and you’re running around and yelling in the meeting and then you keep doing that when you’re a grown-up and you’re still in the meetings, what happens?
Yes, you’re still in the meeting but the meeting might not be in you as much.
Q15: The people around me seem to have an image of what I should be and what I should do, and it all seems very simple for them, but for me it seems impossible. But what I’ve been through, I’m not going to just give up and I don’t know how to go through with it. When they keep talking about it and I feel like I can’t do it I give up and then I kind of get angry and jealous that I’m not where they are, and this anger overcomes me and it sometimes feels like I can’t control it. I try to stream it into different things, but it feels like putting it into something, like hitting something isn’t right and it’s better to express it peacefully and I don’t know how to. I don’t where to start.
When you try to move in a way that’s difficult for you because you, in some way, lack the development or the skill, but you’re knowing something deeper, go ahead into that movement and be open to realize and learn, and also hold inside that your efforts in that don’t need to work. As soon as you need it to work, you’re setting your self up. That need, when it’s not satisfied, is going to turn into an emotion, a negative emotion, and you will be trapped in it. You created the trap with the need for your effort to work, instead of moving ahead in your effort, and that you like learning; that you like learning more than accomplishing something.
Q15: Before I’m going to engage in something I feel overcome with fear and anxiety and I don’t know how to deal with it and I kind of black out; I kind of freeze and I don’t know what to do. My only reaction is to fall back in retreat.
Then start with something that you know how to be or you know how to do. Start out with some kind of clarity that’s real for you. And before you move ahead, put both feet, so to speak, in that clarity, so that you’re standing in it. And, as you take on something that’s difficult, don’t step out of that clarity. As soon as you step out of it, you won’t have what you need to move forward. All you’ll register, then, is the difficulty. If you stay inside of the little bit that’s already clear and that works for you, that will stay there inside of your efforts so then you have a little bit of clarity that comes from what you’re standing in that is in your effort. It’s like keeping your feet inside what’s clear, that you’re standing in something that’s already clear for you, and while you’re standing in that clarity, put your hands to what is difficult for you, so your moving forward with your effort has to do with what you’re taking on in your hands while your feet remain in the clarity.
Q15: So then when I come out of this and go into normal surface life at school, I find that your teachings, they work and I apply them, but eventually after a while they wear off and they go away and I don’t know how to apply them for the rest of my life, which I want to do. I feel bad that I forgot about it.
It works like that because as you’re in your life, you’ll slowly walk away from your inside clarity.
Q15: So then, how do you stay so clear throughout everything?
By letting what you deep within and quietly inside value the most, and that you stand in that. You stand in that so you’re exercising that clarity that’s yours, while you do what you do in your life. As long as that clarity matters more to you than what you’re doing, you won’t slowly walk away from that clarity.
Q15: Are you always thinking about what’s happening in the meetings? And does it always stay in your mind? I’m just saying this because people that inspire me in life, they say that their passion they always think about, no matter what, every second.
No. I stay in the same space as what’s happening here. I’m not passionate about it. I’m deeply, quietly in that space, and it’s that space that energizes everything that I do. So I love that space more than anything that I do. So that space feeds right into what I do.
Q16: What is love?
When you open inside toward someone and your heart begins to move toward that person because you’re opening. That movement is love. When you are in your heart and your heart moves, when you are like this inside, then the way you move is like this. Both are love.
Q17: I had a dream and I was at my mom’s farm. I was at the blue garage and my cat, it was my dead cat, said, “don’t go in there”. Then I was home alone for a long time. I was with my grandparents, but they were ghosts, and they helped me with a lot of things. I was just wondering what that meant.
The best part is the unusualness of your cat speaking to you and what your grandparents were like, that they were like ghosts. In both cases, you’re in a deeper level where you hear differently and see differently, where reality isn’t defined by your regular kind of experience. For you to have those two things in your dream shows you that you’re able to hear and see differently. That opens up levels inside that are not usual.
Q18: Why do you come to meetings?
To open up other realities. If it were not for that, I wouldn’t come.
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