590 – Can I Return to My Awakening Experience?
One profound experience of a different level of consciousness had a profound impact on this person. How did it happen and can it be experienced again?
Q: Hi John. I find that recently I’m really struggling with finding my way of being in the world to function within different organizations or groups of people in order to be able to create finances or money. I’m aware that it’s actually uncomfortable for me as far as who or what I’m aligning with, and what I can create to be able to function with my way of beingness in this reality. I’m looking for some help or insight into that.
John: You don’t need any of that functionality for you to be. You don’t need any creative movement or flow for you to be. It’s the other way around. The more deeply that you are residing in your heart, the greater the flow of creativity in your self. The wholesome movement of your self, the real potential of your self, is dependent on you being at home unconditionally in your heart. It’s dependent on you as a being occupying your heart
instead of you as a self occupying your heart.
Q: Would self love, then, be my being in my heart, or would that be part of my self?
John: That’s a part of your self.
Q: So the opening to softness and awareness that you’re speaking of, is that within my beingness as opposed to my heart?
John: Our forms are so multi-levelled and complex. What we really are is only simple. There’s no complexity to it. We’re able to make it complex by applying our forms or applying a measure of form for us to be what we really are. Openness is authentic beingness, but it’s openness that isn’t hinged on our selves; it’s free of our selves. We’re able to hinge openness on our selves so that we open as long as it’s suitable to our selves, or we open as long as we’re able to feel our selves opening. There’s a measure of beingness in that, but it’s mixed. We’re able to be unmixed. We’re able to be what we really are, expressed through our selves. We don’t need our selves to be what we really are, so to be what we really are we don’t need to address our selves. We don’t need to change our selves. We don’t need to shift our selves. There isn’t anything there to address.
Q: So by recognizing, it’s actually been almost amplifying that my way of being may differ from other people around me.
John: It’s the same for everyone. It’s universal. As soon as you make it a personal truth, so you have your way of being what you really are, that way will be full of your self. You will be full of your self.
When you’re being what you really are, what that is from the perspective of your self is warmly nobody and nothing. From the perspective of your self, it isn’t a ‘something’, so it looks like nothing but when you’re being it, while it looks like nothing, you know how really ‘something’ it is. You know it’s everything. You know it’s home.
Q: So then it’s about just being okay with that. I’ve had something deep within me stirring, that I’m recognizing for the first time and finding that I don’t feel like I have a place within my own being, because it’s not familiar, feeling lost within that, and I’ve been translating that through the self in the outside world.
John: Then instead of addressing being lost, without relating to any of your personal information that stylizes your lostness, without using any of the personal information to the lostness, simply and quietly add warmth, and you’re home. That warmth is a being-level of form: real form of you.
Q: The warmth you speak of, is that okayness with my own being?
John: It’s the unconditioned okayness in being lost. The sense of being lost is in your self. It’s not real. What’s real is your quiet warmth in it. When you feel lost, when you seem so lost, as soon as you are deeply, quietly, unconditionally okay with never being found, you’re home.
Q: I’m getting this thing about stillness, going into stillness, a sense of going to stillness to help be in that place of okayness.
John: That works. And in that, what you’ll invariably do is use your self for you to be still so you’ll focus on stilling your body. You’ll sit still and you’ll still your emotions, your feelings, your thinking, your mind, until all that remains is just you. In having done that, even just once, you know what stillness is and you’re able to be that without stilling your mind or your body or your self. You’re able to be that stillness while thinking and feeling, while doing, without mixing the two. Then you have the use of your mind and feeling and of your body without you being dependent on it for you to be what you really are. That gives what you really are, thinking and feeling. You’ll think and feel as a being instead of thinking and feeling as your identity that you hold in your person.
When you think as a being, instead of thinking being of deep use to you, you love thinking. When thinking belongs to your being it only moves as you move it. When you become addicted to thinking you can’t stop your thinking. In physical reality that would be like using your hand to pick something up, and as soon as your hand moves it goes out of control and it keeps doing strange things. You move your hand when it’s a movement of yours. It doesn’t control you. Your thinking is like your hands. You have a whole body of thought, a whole body of feeling. These bodies, these forms, belong to your being. You can give these bodies to your orientation in these bodies, but that confuses them because they’re meant for what’s deeper. They’re not meant for themselves.
Q: So with every thought or feeling or whatever that I may have in my life, would it be correct to say, then, “would this serve my being?” Everything that I choose in every area of my life on a daily basis needs to resonate with my being as opposed to my self.
John: That would be all your self.
Q: I had an experience this week where I was conscious that I telepathically asked a question of another person and they phoned me up and went into great detail to answer the question that I had actually thought. And I was like ‘whoa!’ So this is where I’m getting to as far as being very conscious of observing my thoughts or my feelings that I’m putting out.
John: That’s your self.
Q: That’s my self! Okay.
John: All of that belongs to your being and you don’t need any of it for you to be at rest in your heart and in your being. You don’t need your self at all for you to move as a being. You do need your self if your movement as a being is to have expression in what is seen. For you to move as a being in your life, your outward life, you need your self. Your self is its vehicle of expression. But you don’t need your self for you to enter your being and to move as a being.
As a being, if you were to come into dementia you’re not disadvantaged. You won’t be able to move less. To what you really are, it won’t make a difference if you’re sick or healthy, if you have brain damage or if you have a good brain. What it would affect is your capacity to express in a way that is seen.
You don’t need your creativity for you to move as a being. If you use your creativity in any way at all for you to connect to your being you are being your creativity in a way that is separate from your being.
There’s no virtue in your creativity. There’s only virtue in your being having the use of your creativity.
590 – Can I Return to My Awakening Experience?
One profound experience of a different level of consciousness had a profound impact on this person. How did it happen and can it be experienced again?
589 – Starting Over: Living Your Awakening Before You Die
After many years on a spiritual path, this person is no longer interested in more teachings. Can there really be nothing to do? John describes what stands in the way of living our awakening, and the value of doing that before we die.
588 – The Realization of a Rare Destiny
The longing to be free of any level of the self is at the heart of this conversation. What changes our destiny and gives entrance to what we really are?
587 – The Space of Decision
“Stumble forwards rather than falling back.” Do you move by new knowledge or old decisions? John addresses what happens in the space of decision.
586 – What is Free Will?
“There is free will after death, never before.” John explains this rather startling statement and reveals why only love has such freedom.
585 – Beyond Your Understood Powers: Your Real Life, Within
“Who am I?” In this dialogue, John is responding to a person who really wants his spiritual search to be over but doesn’t know how that can happen.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
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