JdR Podcast 397
It's Never Too Late to Heal the Past
The imminent death of her mother opens for this woman the wish to heal their relationship, to know and be together in their bond before she dies. John shows her how easy it is, and speaks of the timeless, incorruptible nature of our bonds.
"When you’re with your mother, enjoy her without the use of your self or hers. When you enjoy her directly, you’re in the bond. When you’re in the bond, you simply love her."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the May 25, 2014, Chiemsee, Germany Event
Q: My mother is 87, and she was already five times nearly to die but each time there is such a deep connection to my father and he can’t let her go. Now she is quite well again. When I think my mother would die, there’s no connection or bonding to her. Is there a possibility when she is still alive to rebuild this bonding? Or can I do something? Because there’s something not complete in me because of that.
John: You can’t undo a bond. Where there is, in the midst of anything, a connectivity of being, that forms a bond that is inviolable. It can’t be corrupted. It can’t be removed. It can’t be reduced. It can be covered, and it can be uncovered.
When she dies, that bond within her will be, for sure, uncovered. If it is now or later uncovered in you, it will be easy for the two of you to meet, to meet directly in that bond. For that bond to be uncovered before she dies requires only that her self be removed from her heart. If she takes her self to heart, that covers up her own access to her being. What she’s left with then, in her experience, is only her self.
When you are without your self in your heart while you’re with her, you will know the bond between the two of you, even if she doesn’t, and even if she doesn’t experience it. With your self not being in your heart, your presence with her is an influence to her that she doesn’t need her self in her heart.
Then when you’re with her, your presence touches her heart. Her response to that moves her heart to you. What is activated in that movement is her being and yours, which brings up between the two of you a bonding, the uncovering of the bond that is there between her being and yours.
It’s an eventuality that the two of you, from within your own beings, are going to perfectly meet and commune. It’s possible before the two of you die, and it is a certainty after. If you have a resonance of that, then you are, in part, already in it before it happens.
When you’re in it before it happens, while you spend time with her, she’ll have sight of it. She’ll see it in you, even if she can’t identify in her understanding what she sees. The sight of it would move her heart. It would move her heart because it moves her being. When that takes place in her, that is like a key on a piano being struck while the string is being muted. While it’s muted, it still registers.
For you, it doesn’t matter. If you’re connected to its eventuality by its resonance, then you’re already in it. That’s a little bit like you talking to someone who you love who is in a coma; the real kind of connectivity that’s there when you’re holding that person’s hand or touching that person’s face and talking to them, even though it seems they’re not there and they can’t hear. You’re reaching into something that is different from what is obvious, and you would love doing what you’re doing.
With that level of connectivity, what you know in the future is present now. Within that kind of connection, time is no longer linear. It opens. From the reality of the bonding of your being with hers, from within the reality of the bond, as awareness within the bond you are able to come from her future and at the same time come from her past, able to greet her in the present.
The more that you’re able to come from, within the bond, the greater its activation; the more that it touches her. It reaches her. You’re able to reach her and you don’t need your self or hers for you to reach her.
Q: You say the self is not needed to reach her but, when this is happening, does it help for my self to bring up all these unconscious things? Does it help to transform it from the self into the being?
John: You don’t need to do that. If something comes up in your self just on its own, which life’s circumstances guarantee, then you can do that.
Q: This was the reason that in me the heart did close, but there’s no need to do something. It will happen when I connect or be with her in being, right?
John: Yes. When you’re talking to someone who you love who’s in a coma, all past injuries and offences will be coming up, and as they come up they’ll melt. It requires no doing on your part, no forgiveness on your part. Love accomplishes all of the melting.
Where love is, offences and injury melt. None of it needs to be processed in your self. As it opens in your heart, it opens into your self. To engage a process only makes your sense of your self important. As soon as that is there, love isn’t there. To connect, the answer is love. To purify, the answer is love.
Q: And this comes from the past and from the future, in the present.
John: It’s not that it comes from the past or the future. It comes from the bond. If you are conscious and awakened within the bond, if you have a heart understanding within the bond, then you’re able to draw of its past and of its future, moving it in the present.
When you’re coming from a deeper level in your being, you’re able from within that level of your being to use time in a way that you’re not able to in your self. Your self is confined to time.
You can change your past or someone else’s by moving consciously a deeper level of your being into your past, or into someone else’s past. It changes the past by opening it. When the past is opened by beingness, it heals. Its healing registers in the present.
Even in this life, there is really only openness and softness – openness and softness of heart, and movement of being. When you know that, all process concerning you coming into your being and your being coming into your self, ends. All that remains is awareness responding to what it knows. What self it has isn’t an impairment to that.
When you’re with your mother, enjoy her without the use of your self or hers. When you enjoy her directly, you’re in the bond. When you’re in the bond, you simply love her.
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