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What Is Real Parenting?

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When: December 11, 2015
Evening Open Mic
Topics:

Q: Earlier this year I had a vision of having a wife and two children in about ten years’ time. Now, my girlfriend and I are four months into her pregnancy – a little earlier than expected – and it’s pushing our evolution, for sure! You’ve been talking about the innocence of children, so I wonder what you would say about approaching parenting, and about receiving from children in that process.

John: Amazingly, there are two beings in her body, and despite everything else that’s occurring, they’re communing. If you attune to it, that’s your preparation for parenting. 

The real parenting isn’t about doing all of the right things. The real parenting consists in meeting and communing, knowing and seeing. In everything, that’s what the child is going to be looking for.

Your words won’t matter much. What you’re being in your words is what a child listens to. 

The simplest that you can give to your child is the dearness between the two of you in your relationship – the dearness between the parents. That dearness matters more than the two of you getting along in your selves. The dearness matters more than anything else that’s occurring. 

Where the dearness is there, what that really means is that the two of you are together. 

Where there’s dearness, that means that the two of you really do know each other and see each other. 

Let nothing of your selves get in between that.

Q: Thank you.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q1: I work as a speech therapist with children. When I hear you speak, it reminds me of the importance in psychological theory for children to grow up with soft hearts, good relationships and protection in order to develop their potential. Can you say more about this? John: It’s true
Q: We’re having a baby. I really feel the baby is going to be our greatest teacher. John: Having a baby will strengthen whatever orientation you presently have. Q: Will it? It won’t be the opposite? John: If you are giving heed to the specialness of what’s there, and you’re taking that specialness
Q: I have a question about raising children and enjoying them in the way you’ve been describing. I have two daughters. John: How old are they? Q: Five and nine. I enjoyed the first child from the beginning, and it has been easy. The second is very different. From the moment

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