Q: I’ve had the question for some time now about the connection I have with my husband. It’s getting deeper the longer we’re together. Then I ask myself: “What happens when we’ve been together for forty years, sharing everything, melting together? What happens when one of us dies?” I can’t let go of this thought. I know there’s a bond between us but some parts of me just see a black hole.
John: It’s not real.
Q: I see all these traumas in the world around death and how people are when someone close dies. I seem to believe it’s hard to stay connected when someone leaves the world and the other is still here.
John: It’s all about the bond. It’s the two of you being in the bond that is there that makes your relationship real. The bond is incorruptible. Once opened, it never ends. If he dies, the bond is as there as it is there when you’re lying down beside him, when you can see him. When you are warmed within, together, that warmth is the movement of the bond in your self.
Q: I also have the question the other way around. If I were dying, I might I have a hard time letting go because I would be feeling I had to let go of him.
John: When you go to sleep together in the bond, as you’re falling asleep, the relationship passes away and the bond delivers you into your sleep. When you lie down to go to sleep you’re not afraid of losing him.
Q: I know, but I think that we will be together in the morning; we will wake up. Yet I can’t know this.
John: That’s what you believe. You have no assurance of that.
You’re fabricating an anxiety. The more that you move in that anxiety, the more form you give to a belief of yours, and that belief formed will push that anxiety. It will feed it back to you. You’ve trained it that way.
Goodness that has no opposite is never going to end. The connection of being between the two of you is all goodness. Rest in it. Relate to no thought or feeling that is competitive. As you give to those thoughts and feelings they contribute to wound your self and the relationship.
Q: I don’t understand that. Can you say it in different words?
John: Your anxious thoughts and feelings serve to wound your self and to wound the relationship. You don’t need them. Let the bond that is there tell you what’s real. Believe what you directly know within the bond instead of believing what you think and feel that separate your self from that bond.
Q: Thank you. It’s good to hear.
John: If one of you flies somewhere and you’re separated for some time, instead of entering separation anxiety, having such thoughts that this could be the last time that you see him …
Q: How do you know that? It has just been like this!
… instead of being anxious in seeing him go, enjoy him from within the bond as you’re physically separated, and the whole time when you’re not together, enjoy him.
At any point in your life, should you find out that he’s died, keep enjoying him. Instead of relating to what is gone, relate to what is really there. The bond is there.
The bond is the real connectivity. Enjoy him in that connectivity. From within that connectivity there is no dying. Separation isn’t possible.
Empower no thoughts or feelings that compete with that.
