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Mothering From Your Unadorned Heart

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When: September 11, 2011
Afternoon Meeting
Topics:

Q: I would like to deepen the connection between me and my child, and be more aware in it. Can you help me to do that?

John: Be really seen. Reveal your heart and give your heart without embellishment, so that when you’re giving your heart, your heart given is unadorned. Then your child is fully meeting you. Don’t push your way or have your own way. Don’t use any power to have what is personal for you at your child’s expense, and at the same time be kindly strong with what you are clear about.

All of this draws your child into being seen, being heard and not needing to use any power to do so, inviting your child into a strength of clarity. With a richness of heart, make it really easy for your child to never need to lie. Value a quiet love, enabling your child to read you deeply, then there’s room for supportive excitement. When you’re agitated in any way, like being slow to speak, and when you’ve fallen short in any way, like being quick to speak. If you are happy in all of this, your child will be deeply safe and free to be seen in everything.

Don’t try to correct your child or give instruction if, at the same time, you are not being seen. If you are being seen, your child will love learning from you. In the midst of your availability, share your realizations and your child will come into the same. If you are always giving your heart while being seen – giving your heart in a quieted way without embellishment, your heart being given unadorned – your child will know that it doesn’t have to do anything for love. Your child will grow up not being performance-oriented.  

Don’t be overly motherly and your child will have no need of being childish.

 

 

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q1: I work as a speech therapist with children. When I hear you speak, it reminds me of the importance in psychological theory for children to grow up with soft hearts, good relationships and protection in order to develop their potential. Can you say more about this? John: It’s true
Q: We’re having a baby. I really feel the baby is going to be our greatest teacher. John: Having a baby will strengthen whatever orientation you presently have. Q: Will it? It won’t be the opposite? John: If you are giving heed to the specialness of what’s there, and you’re taking that specialness
Q: I have a question about raising children and enjoying them in the way you’ve been describing. I have two daughters. John: How old are they? Q: Five and nine. I enjoyed the first child from the beginning, and it has been easy. The second is very different. From the moment

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