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John de Ruiter Podcast 291

John de Ruiter Podcast 291

Why Are Relationships So Painful?

When: February 9, 2018 @ 1:30pm
Where: ,
Deeply loving someone and being in love… you start a relationship and then you wonder why, after familiarity has set in, the in-loveness is gone and there’s difficulty and pain. If you start from wanting and needing a relationship, you’re already relating in a way that isn’t like your being. So how to have a meaningful, pain-free relationship? Listen to this talk to find out!
“There is no pain in a bond, in a connectivity of being; there is only deep, quiet love and nurture. The pain comes from the contrast between what it’s like within that bond and what your self isn’t like, that your self is so different, and that there’s something that you’d like to have in your self from that bond, and it’s not working.”
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Podcast Transcript

Why Are Relationships So Painful?

Q: I’m suffering for a few years from a heartache. I’m on a journey inside my heart and I know it’s the right way for me, but every day it’s harder. I feel alone. I don’t feel my heart beating with other hearts. Maybe I’m not in the right way. Maybe I think that I’m going into my heart. Maybe you can open a window for me.

John: The heartache is that you know more than what you understand and that you know more than what you have. Anything that doesn’t fulfill what you know, that has no understanding to it, contributes to the heartache. Everything that you encounter that isn’t matching what you know, but don’t understand, contributes to your heartache. Anything that you encounter that is the same as what you know, but don’t understand, will compound the heartache.

If you encounter anything that is the same as what you know but don’t understand, it will feed how much you really know that you always knew. It will start a fire. It will make you, in your heart, ablaze with knowing, even though you still don’t understand.

That knowing has nothing to do with the satisfaction in your life. It isn’t there to increase the quality of your life. It’s there to bring you to what your whole life is for, that hasn’t been realized yet, so you ache in your heart until it opens. And, when it opens, you will ache in your heart even more because then you’ll really know that you’re coming into it. You’ll really know that you know it.

The aching in your heart makes you ready. The more that you encounter what isn’t like what you’re knowing, the more your heart aches. That causes a beautiful kind of conditioning. You get to know, through your own conditioning and the conditioning of your environment, of everything that doesn’t have anything to do with what you know in your heart.

The knowing deepens through the ache without any understanding. The more that you realize that nothing is meeting it, the more you’re knowing the depth of it so, when you do encounter what meets it directly, your heart will ache so terribly good because you’ll know that you know that this is it, even though you still can’t understand it.

The ready-making that comes with the aching conditions your sensitivity. Through everything that you encounter that is not like this mysterious knowing in your heart that has no understanding to it, your nervous system becomes more and more attuned to this knowing that’s in your heart. Through this aching, your body is deepening. It’s becoming more and more attuned to what you know but cannot see, to what you know but cannot understand, to what you know but cannot find.

You’ll encounter it and, when you do, you’ll not only know it in your heart, you’ll know it in all of your nervous system because it’s been attuned to it for so long. And when you encounter it, you’ll know in your heart and in your nervous system that your self and your life as you’ve known it are over. They won’t be the same anymore. When you encounter it in what you’re accustomed to in your self, you’ll have a powerful ‘Oh, no!’ and in your heart you’ll have a powerful ‘Oh, yes!’ and right there you will choose your way.

Q: So, I should surrender to it.

John: You may surrender to it. If you should, you won’t. If you live surrendering to it and you have a direct encounter with what you’ve always known in your heart but not understood, with that encounter you, in what you know in your heart, will launch. Everything will change, and you won’t mind because you love.

When you encounter the same as what you already know in your heart but don’t understand, your Being will move. Your Being will move as much as your heart has ached. The ache has been making room.

Your heart is beating to this.

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