Q: Hello John. These last days the streaming was so strong and beautiful, but yesterday evening it was getting a bit less. It’s so intense when I’m in it, and I love it but I don’t understand it. I just remembered then that actually I shouldn’t hold onto this experience. The knowing is more important than all this. Maybe if you can say something about this?
John: There is always subtlety of streaming. If you’re attuned only to the larger experience of it, you’ll overlook the subtlety of it.
Q: When thoughts come like this, that “you lost it,” there’s a knowing that’s not possible, because this is what I am; I can’t lose it.
John: You can’t lose it. You can leave it. If you are attuned to the finest subtlety of it, you find all of the subtleties in the strength of it. You’ll find all of the subtleties within the strength of the stream. If you’re attuned to the subtleties of being and of being streaming, you’ll read the subtleties within the strong flow of streaming. Instead of just streaming, you’ll be reading what you’re in. You’ll know all that is in it, instead of just being taken by it.
It’s easy to be taken by the strength of the streaming. What matters even more is for you to be taken by the subtleties of the stream.
Q: That you easy overlook.
John: If all there is is no stream, not even a wave, perhaps one particle, that’s what you are attuned to. The particle doesn’t need to move or stream, you can move right into the particle. Even just one particle of being is home. It doesn’t need to offer you anything. You are the movement into it; it doesn’t need to move.
In having moved into it, then you are as still as it is and through that, you see, you see differently than how you would see from within the streaming. If you will be still within the particle of being, quietly seeing, you will see differently when you’re in the streaming again. You’ll have a magnified seeing in the streaming because of the seeing being so subtle.
Q: Is the stream something that I can perceive as awareness?
John: Yes. If not a stream, then a delicacy of being. If not a delicacy, then a particle of being.
Q: You said purity of heart is most important, more important than any experience of awakening? Even if you feel that you don’t see or you’re not in a stream, you’re clean of wanting and needing, or your self?
John: Purity of heart is your heart clean of polarity, your heart filled with any little bit that is deeper than your self and that you won’t take your self to heart for anything, and it’s that kind of heart that fills your self – simplicity of heart moving your humanness into your self. It is simplicity of heart that brings in the deeper levels of connectivity into your self that makes separation inconceivable.
Q: You’re talking about the heart, but where is it, the heart?
John: Your heart is the first form after your being, before the forms of your self. It’s the form of belief, awareness believing. There’s so little substance to it. It is the lightest of all seen forms. All that it registers is what you are being as awareness, what you are being in your body as awareness. It registers, in form, your opening and softening or your closing and hardening. It doesn’t register your self, unless you bring your self into your heart, taking your self to heart.
Q: It all depends on me, awareness.
John: Purity of heart is first form of relaxed awareness.
Q: And honesty, deep, deep honesty, means that you really come back to this, what you really, really know is true. And this is awareness that knows that?
John: When this core knowledge, what you know in your heart, isn’t conceptual, it isn’t informational, what you know is opening. It’s beingness that you directly know.
Q: There’s a knowing about what I really am, what my nature is.
John: Less than that: the knowing is what connects you to the beingness of what you really are. It doesn’t take you into knowing what you are. The knowing connects you right in. It doesn’t require any assistance of the conceptual.
When you lie down to go to sleep, awareness relaxes. As it does, all of your forms pass away. As you approach sleep, as you come right up to the tipping point into sleep, you don’t have self-awareness, you don’t have conceptual knowledge. Awareness is there but without all of its forms, so as you tip into sleep, you are being what you really are. You don’t have the facility to register it; you’re in it and you’re being it. As you come into that tipping point, you’re not knowing that you are now being what you really are. That’s why, as you move through that, you have no memory. The various levels of the witness are all gone. There’s just you, awareness, enfolded by the depth of it. There is no observation in it.
Q: Does it get bigger, the knowing, like in your case?
John: When you are being what you really are, when what you are is openness and softness of heart, that first touches into your humanness. Your humanness is your ununderstood, nurtureful connectivity in experience to everything. Your humanness is form of your opened and softened heart. The more that you are present within your humanness in the midst of your self, in the midst of your mind, the more that your humanness opens. Its depths open into your self and into your mind. The more opened your humanness in your life, the more of your humanness remains with you, as you approach the tipping point of falling asleep. That gives human substance to awareness.
Q: Is it like true form, integrated form, humanness?
John: Yes. Your humanness is the underside of your self. The underside, when you move at all being closed or hard, any kind of tightness, you lose connectivity in your self with the underside of your self: your self separate from its humanness. Separate from your humanness, any function in your self is you moving as a dehumanized self, a nurtureless self. The only accessible meaning within a dehumanized self is the strength of doing, the strength of thought and emotion. As soon as you stop moving your emotional body, your will and your mental body, there’s just emptiness.
When you are okay as is in that emptiness that in the self feels depressive, you begin to touch into your humanness. The underside of your self seeps into your self; the first touches of nurture in the midst of your self in you being nobody, the first nurture in the midst of emptiness. The more that you remain as awareness nurturefully connective; that you are in your humanness, dwelling within your humanness within any state of mind, the more that the depth of your humanness openness up into your mind, shifting the function of your mind from being polarized to it being nurtureful.
That deeper opening of your humanness is what gives you, awareness, mobility in your seen forms, and from there, from within your seen forms into your unseen forms. It’s by your humanness that you can stream as a being while doing something in your life, while being in conversation with someone. In your life, your humanness is everything. The only real value of your self is that your humanness is filling it. The value of your self is all dependent on your humanness filling your self, having your self, being preeminent in your self.
Separate from your humanness and you lose the value of your self. Then you’ll have to inflate your self with will and emotion, thought and feeling. Without your humanness, the presence you have in your self will be the presence of performance, polarized performance that cannot stop. As soon as it stops, all that remains is meaninglessness, depression. A dehumanized self is a self no longer filled with humanness and mostly filled with illusion.
Your humanness is the outward substance of love in your self.
Q: Thank you.