Q: I’ve been helping to look after my granddaughter for a number of years…a new baby…and she’s not been sleeping, so in order to let my daughter recover I took over the night shift and I’ve been awake most of the night, four or five hours, and just listening to you. For a few years, it’s been lovely. What I really wanted to ask about was the meeting. You gave me a hug and there was something implacable, immoveable, that I felt in you. I looked at you and I could just know this inevitability. Something is inevitable. It’s going to happen. Can you tell me anything about that, please?

John: To hug someone as awareness in your heart, and even with just a little bit of your own being is for you from your being with your heart, through your heart, as a self, with your self, through your person, as a person, to know someone. You were being known with form. It isn’t just a hug. There’s real communication in a hug.

Q: I was knowing this immovability that wouldn’t move from what it knows. And the weakness – it’s like nothing there, everything gone. The vulnerability, and the inevitability. Can you say what that was?

John: When you are as awareness present in all of your weakness, and especially present in your weakest weakness, and present in everything you know the truth of without there being a polarization between the two, what you come into is inevitability.

Q: I’ve been finding it easier to be in the heart when my self is strong. I’d like to have more of an ability to just live in a daily way of knowing on the more subtle things, to have that presence of knowing, and to move from that, not just if big issues come up that I have to settle through. How can that happen for me?

John: By opening to being delicate. The more delicate you are, the more delicate you are in your self because of what you know in your heart and because of what you know your own being is like, the more that you’ll be coming from your deeper self. Your deeper self is the closest that you are in your self to your own heart, and the closest you are in your self to what you are as a being.

The delicateness in your self that is in your deeper self opens you up into weakness in your self. As you are being delicate within your own weaknesses, you come to know the delicacies of your own being because that’s how you’re relating within your own weaknesses. For you to function with awareness as the continuity of knowing, not just in heart but in your self, you need to come into your deeper self which is your sweet return to vulnerability in your self. The more vulnerable you are in your self, not because of your experience of vulnerability but because of your release of your accustomed self and your return to your deeper self, you begin to know much more in your self. Knowing within your self and moving as a deeper self enables you to manifest in your self what you know in your heart and what you are as a being. Through knowing, as awareness you’ll be shaping your self, one subtlety of being at a time, where being delicate in your self enables you to move as knowing in your self.

The more that you are in your deeper self because of you being delicate within your self, the more that you are then as awareness being like a parent to your self. As love, you are then raising your self, forming your self in the way that you know. You become sort of like a whisper to your self, revealing within your self the delicacies of being that you know and moving these delicacies in your self. Slowly, tiny little bit by tiny little bit, in raising your self you are forming your self and making your self as your own being is. Your self becomes as you are and as your being is.

You will always be present in your weaknesses, the delicate weaknesses in your self, and as a being, through your heart toward your self guiding by what you know, guiding and moving your weaknesses. When you move your own weaknesses as a being would move weaknesses, the weaknesses take on the form and the shape of what’s moving them. Your own weaknesses become just like your own being. The delicateness of them remains, while its form changes.

The weaknesses in your self are like your children. All of the much weaker weaknesses in your self are like all of your little babies, and you’re nurturing all of them with what you know you are. In the forming of your self in this way, you are being the continuity of knowing. You are being like a goodness parent to everything that’s not quite developed yet in your self.

In relating to your self this way and in being in your self this way, your self is a self of change. It’s always changing and developing because of what you are in it. In this way of being in your self, you are living the inevitability of your self becoming and being as you are. In this way, it’s beautifully inevitable that your self becomes the same in form, in this life as your own being is. What you are coming from of your own being is your clarity in your self. As the continuity of knowing, you are forming the gold in your self that you’re being.

Q: When we die, when we leave the body, that’s what we leave in. That’s what we move as.

John: Yes.

Q: So however much we can become this is how we die.

John: The more that you integrate what you really are within the context of form, which means the integration of your own forms from within what you first are, is not just how you have evolved as awareness while in a body, but that evolution of awareness that you come into while in a body continues after. From the perspective of your evolution of awareness, everything that you haven’t integrated of yours before you die is an ability that doesn’t go with you when you die. It’s like an opportunity that is now gone. You’ll still evolve, but it won’t come as easily as the opportunities that you have while in a body, where difficulty abounds and opportunity abounds.

If you become distracted in the self that you’re accustomed to, then you’re spending your opportunities on what you’re experiencing in your self. You’re able to receive every opportunity, reading the opportunities by what you know the truth of, and to not spend them, to not spend them on your self but to evolve as awareness in them. As you evolve as awareness in them, you bring up the deep in you. You bring up the levels of your own being into your heart, and through your heart into your self, into your self and through your self into your living.

Q: How do we allow the things that we’ve pushed down into the subconscious to surface? Is it just by taking care of the obvious that we know? Will it surface on its own naturally?

John: Yes. When you agree in your heart with what you know the truth of in your heart while you are in your self, you’re receiving the truth of what you know into your self, which changes your self. It turns your self right-side up. When you do that consciously in your self, that opens up your subconscious self, and what you have at some time put away because of resistance or avoidance is free to come up into your self again. It’s free in your living to disturb your comforts, to disturb your self. It’s within that disturbance that you then realize again what you know the truth of in the midst of what you wouldn’t deal with before. That opens the disturbance in your self, bringing the disturbance to rest because of what you’re being in it. You are integrating your self by being what you know in it.

Q: Which is simply being open and soft.

John: That is the beingness, the simplest beingness that you know the truth of in your heart. You know the truth of openness and softness in your heart and you’re able to bring that into the disturbance in your self. You integrate your self by bringing your own being into your self. You bring your being into your self by being what your being is within the disturbances in your self.

Q: When we say openness and softness, is it a feeling? Are we just opening and..

John: It’s a feeling because you know within feeling. When you open and soften in your heart, you’re easily able to feel it and then you associate the truth of opening and softening with the feeling. And then when you don’t feel it, you’ll seem to not be able to open and soften because you’re dependent on the feeling of it. You’re able as awareness, true to what you know, to open and soften without even being able to feel it. It’s sort of like putting a baby to sleep. The baby doesn’t necessarily understand what you’re doing, but you know and the baby knows.

Q: Thank you. I understand. Thank you.

John: When your daughter’s baby won’t go to sleep, instead of needing in your self and wishing in your self that the baby would go to sleep, leave such need and wish alone and relate directly to what you know the baby is, leaving out its self and yours. Realize what you know of what sleeping is, whether you understand what you know or not. Relate directly to what you know sleeping is while relating to the baby. You’re relating no longer to a baby. You’re relating to what you know it is.

Q: She’s a beautiful little sleeper now and I’m trying to sleep. I’m not knowing consciously how this is happening but things are improving now.

John: When you go to sleep, as awareness you are being denuded of your various forms. Your person slowly dissolves, your self slowly dissolves, your heart slowly dissolves, until you are without all of the forms that you’re accustomed to, and you enter sleep. You’re entering what you are and you’re not needing any of the forms that you’re accustomed to in your waking time. You’re not needing that at all in being what you really are. You’re able to enter that while you’re lying in your bed not sleeping. You can enter that, with or without sleeping. That’s what you’re in your bed for.

Q: Is it because even though I’m not sleeping I’m dropping into, I’m somewhere else or something else is happening?

John: You’re able to move in the deeper levels within, levels deeper than what your self is. You’re able to move in these levels while you’re lying down because while you’re lying down there isn’t anything else for you to attend to, so you’re not needing your self. Then without the use of your self, move as awareness into the deeper levels, within. It isn’t unlike doing things in your day.

Q: When you said we evolve after we die, as awareness, how does awareness evolve if there’s nothing to, to become conscious of through the self?

John: After you die, you still have form but your forms are much more subtle than these forms. Through these subtler forms you’re able to meet. In being the weakest weakness in your self, you naturally come into these more subtle forms, and little bit by little bit you begin to relate differently.