Q: Some of my resistances are dissolving, and now I feel the longing for being in the beingness more. How is it possible to be there and to keep it in the midst of activities or daily life?

John: You can’t keep it as an experience. You don’t have the level of self to be able to sustain it, to be able to sustain it on its own. You can come into waves of it. When you open, within, to what you’re knowing…opening in a way that doesn’t characterize your self…that opens up a wave of beingness and moves it, and the wave on its own diminishes. To actualize the wave, the wave of being, you’d have to make decisions in your self that support the opening in you; decisions that support the awakening.

Such a decision is like the choice, within; the choice to open and the choice to respond, where the decision has more form. When the decision is in support of the level of choice that you’re aware of in this, that gives the opening, within, more form. It gives it form. The form given to the opening is also a destabilization in your self. It causes a definite loosening in the structures in your self. You experience that in your self as something you would fear and as something that is full of discomfort.

The form that is given to the opening, within, is form that comes from your self so it is going to be at an expense to your self. The expense to your self makes real your support to what is deeper, within, than what your self is. That support is indispensable to the deeper opening, within, continuing. That doesn’t mean that the experience of it will continue. Your knowing of it continues, with you consciously giving to it.

You’re giving to something that isn’t like what your self is. You’re giving to what is lovelier than your self. Giving to what is lovelier than your self, and matters more than what your self is, takes away from your self and creates somewhat of a void in your self. The void is filled by what you’re giving to, within. The deeper, within, than what your self is fills the void.

When you make a decision on the level of your self and on the level of your person to support the opening and the awakening within, you’re removing something of form. You’re removing something that matters in your self. That creates an emptiness and an open space in your self that in your self is uncomfortable. It’s what you live to avoid. In your self you run away from that. In your self you naturally do everything that you can so that an open space doesn’t occur. The natural tendency is to fill your self with your self and to keep the momentum of that.

When you make a decision in your self, one that costs your self and uses up form in your self to support the awakening within, that causes a break in your self, a constructive opening in your self, a loosening of the structures in your self. It’s a break in the continuity of your self. That space becomes filled with the awakening that you’re supporting. An exchange occurs. The exchange doesn’t necessarily feel good, and in your heart you are knowing that the exchange is really good. When you’re in it, you know the rightness of it, even though the exchange tampers with your self and tampers with how you’ve put your life together.

Without this taking place the awakening doesn’t naturally, on its own, continue. What continues on its own is the momentum of your self and of your life. You’re carried by the stream of your life and you’re accustomed to letting that carry you; you’re in the habit of it carrying you. When you don’t make a specific change to that, it doesn’t stop.

When you make decisions to support the awakening, decisions that cause real change in your self and real change in your life, you are interrupting the momentum of your self and of your life. A space is made from which you are knowing, within, matters more than what that momentum is being.

It’s critical to the level of the awakening for form to be given to it. It doesn’t develop, it doesn’t actualize in your life without it having form. Form doesn’t come to it on its own. You in your self are the form-holder. What form you’re not giving to the deeper, the deeper then doesn’t have. What you give to it, it has. That is how you make the level of the awakening real and actual in your living.

In your self it is scary for you to do this. It’s scary because you’ll be introducing actions that are not like what your self is. That gives you the experience that you are more and bigger than what your self is. To have that much more in your self than what your self is, is scary for your self, so you’ll naturally in your self do what you can to avoid that. You’ll naturally resist it. You’ll naturally protect and defend. When you protect and defend, when you resist giving form to what’s deeper than what your self is, you confirm the momentum of your self. You’ll be giving more form to what your self already is. More form given to the level of self makes your self more dense, so it will make your self smaller, tighter, harder and less flexible.

Once you awaken, your self cannot be the same any more because you know more than what is in your self. If you don’t respond to what you’re knowing and give form to it, your self will change. With the resistance, you’ll make your self harder, tighter, smaller. If you respond to what you know, it’s going to break the momentum in your self. Your self will open. When your self opens in the way that your heart does, the structures in your self open. Your experience of that is that your structures are coming apart. Your self is changing because you’re making real in your self what matters more than what your self is. Either way, your self is going to change now. You cannot prevent change. You can only direct it in the way that you know.

When you make decisions in your self, either in supporting what you’re knowing or in resisting what you’re knowing, you are, like a car, directing the change. You’re steering the change. You’re manifesting direction.

Q: And do you see a chance for me? Even though there is fear and everything falls apart or disappears?

John: Everything won’t disappear. Some of your specific comforts will disappear, and in its space will be discomfort. You’ll be creating difficulty in your self when you give form that is in your self to what is unseen but known, within.

When you give form that’s in your self to what is unseen, within, but known, you’re giving to the tiny little bit within, the tiny little bit having nothing to do with your self or your life. When you give of your self and your life to the tiny little bit, the tiny little bit is given form in this life. That brings it up into this life. That form given from your self and your life creates discomfort in your self and in your life. It will create some chaos.

Q: And why is it that way?

John: Form given costs what presently has the form. You can’t move form without it costing what presently has that form. Your self is sort of like the bank. All of your money is in the bank, and you’ve created an identity with the bank having all of the money and all of the form. It has everything that matters. There’s an identity that’s built in that. When you give form from your self to what is unseen but known within, you are seriously depleting your account. From the perspective of your self, the bank, the money goes into nothing and all you experience is that the account suffers. The stability of the account is threatened.

What is actually true by what you know in your heart is that everything in the bank belongs to what you know, within, matters the most. It all belongs to the tiny little bit, and you’re able to make that transaction or to not let it move. You’re the power-holder. What you give power to, you make real and you keep real. It’s maintained by the form that you give it.

When you are serious in giving to the awakening, within, and sustaining the reality of it in your life, your entire banking system isn’t going to be the same any more. It’s all going to change. If you try and keep it the way it presently is, then the awakening is also kept where it presently is…not in form… giving you the experience in form, more than before, of separation. Then you are giving form to separation. You’ll have two masters, within. You’ll have what you know the truth of, and you’ll have the master of what already has the form. When you keep the form in your self, you make what your self is…the reality of it…your master. That makes your self bigger than you are, and you’ll fear going against your self.

At the same time, more quietly in your heart is a different master. That master is represented within the tiny little bit that doesn’t have form. It doesn’t have the power. It doesn’t have great voice. Its voice is most quiet and tiny. You can’t hear it unless you’re gentled and quieted in your heart, and there you know it’s everything. It is everything, while your self being your master has everything. You’ll be living in a quandary. Two directions always occurring at the same time; a split. Part of your heart holds to what matters in your self. The deeper part of your heart responds only to the tiny little bit that you know in your heart. You’ll be creating confusion in your self. You’ll be creating forms of separation in your self. What heals that is you letting everything that is yours…your self and your life…belong to what you know, within, you belong to. You belong to the tiny little bit and its whole reality that you’re awakening to. That turns you right-side up.

Over time, the tiny little bit grows and develops because of everything you’re giving to it. It develops, in the space of your self. Your self takes on the form through all of the changes. You develop a self that is the same as the tiny little bit, within. That makes you, in the innermost and in all of your forms, the same. One you, instead of several of you because of the splitting.

Oneness is already in you, just not in your forms. You can access the oneness, you can awaken to the oneness, so the oneness you know is real and true. That doesn’t mean that that oneness is freed into your forms. It doesn’t have the access into your forms without you giving form to what oneness is. If oneness, within, doesn’t have your forms, then oneness in you is forbidden to have form because it will threaten the way that your self is put together and the way your life is put together.

This is what you are born for, even though you haven’t done it yet. It doesn’t just happen. It’s done. You can’t do what oneness is. The doing is you giving of your forms to what is as yet formless, yet known.

Q: And the first step is to make the decision?

John: By making decisions in your self, practical decisions in your self and in your life that cause definite change and a definite experience of change of direction. That releases the energy of form to be given to what is unseen in you yet known in you. You’ll be making decisions not determined by your past. They won’t be favouring your past. They will be favouring the presence of the tiny little bit that you are knowing is real and true in your heart.

The change that happens when you die is the change that you’ll be accomplishing while you’re living. You’ll be turning everything right side up. You’ll be making sense of everything deeper, within, everything that is deeper than what your self is; you’ll be making sense of it in your life. The sense of your life will be given to what is deeper, within, than what your self is.

In doing this, that also accomplishes the removal of the floor in your self. It removes the barrier that is in place between your self and your subconsciousness. Everything that you have avoided all your life will be freely moving up into your self. You will be seeing and knowing your self for what it really is. It’s not a pleasant sight. The real activity that opens because of that is pure and good and true. You won’t be liking your self and you will be loving your heart. It is shocking in your self while it is beauty in your heart.

Every way, every way that you haven’t been raised from a baby until now, you will be raising your self. Everything that hasn’t been done, you will be doing. You will be the tiny little bit, within, filling all of your heart, that is raising your self. You won’t be giving your self what it wants. Your self won’t have the power and the control any more. You’ll be giving to your self only what you know, within, is real and good and true, regardless of what that does to your self, regardless of all of the discomfort in your self. You will be like the pure goodness-parent to your self.

When you are that clear, your self responds beautifully.