Q: I wanted to show myself and to speak because when I do, the fear in my heart becomes almost overwhelming and it doesn’t seem to ever get any easier. And it feels like the more I am with my heart the more levels of fear that I access.
John: Then enjoy being surprised by what is real instead of being intimidated by what is real. The fear is there because of a very usual and a very understandable self- orientation. You have a self, but you are more than just that self. As soon as you are confined to just that self, then there is fear.
When as awareness you are very gently no longer confined to the self, then within the self there is, instead of fear, surprise. The self opens when you open. Enjoy within that you are more than your self, then instead of being to confined to your self you are encompassing your self.
Q: So you’re saying to enjoy the fear.
John: Not enjoying your fear. Enjoying that you are more than your self. Fear is the result of being confined to your self. When you are enjoying within that you are more than your self, then you are warmly greater than fear. Fear is just the result of you misunderstanding what it is that you actually really are. You really are much more than just your self. You are accustomed to being only your self. Before you came to recognize your self you were much more than just your self.
Q: It seems that when I’m alone and I’m in contemplation or meditation or in a place that’s peaceful that I can be with that greater self, and it seems to come when I need to speak out or to show my self in some way, and it must be that I lose myself at that time, or lose that greater sense of self.
John: Letting awareness focus, without awareness turning into the self or letting awareness focus without making it about your self. That is like openness focusing. When openness focuses it isn’t confined by something. When openness focuses, that is awareness specifically encompassing something more. Being limited only to being true to the deep in you, that gives you an authentic self and frees you from a made-up self, a self that is there for expression instead of the self that is there to be confined in. The self is there so that you can embody what you are being, so that you can experience what you are being. The self is there to help you as a being, not confine you as a being.
When you have fear you are using the self to confine you as a being. Then you become lost in the self, actually believing that you are the self. Then as awareness you are self-oriented, Instead of being all of the truth within oriented. Having a self enables there to be form to what it is that you are being. When you are being the openness, within, there is a follow through into the form of that. That enables you to see and to experience what you are being. But you are not to be confined by that experience, just gently learning from it.
When you are enjoying, within, that you are more than just your self then you are aware of what you are. Such real and profound awareness is enjoyable. It is nurturing. It is surprising rather than fearful.
597 – The Person, the Self and the Being: Identifying the Many Levels of You (Part 1)
Person, self, being … what’s the difference and what is real? Using different analogies, John explains how our different levels connect and shares the code to being what we really are.
596 – Beyond Sadness and Pain: Happy Without a Reason
John reveals the source of the deep well of sadness and pain this person carries, and shares how she can reconnect with her original happiness.
595 – When a Crumb of Truth in Your Heart is Your Home
John responds to a spiritual dilemma: a desperate longing for realization, coupled with the fear of nothingness that seems to come with it.
594 – Fully Present in Your Body, Fully Present in Your Heart
Closing down to the experience of vulnerability can mean dissociating from the body. John shares a simple way to become more present however uncomfortable we feel.
593 – Honest to the Way of Your Heart
An exploration of how honesty and an open, soft heart are connected, taking us ever deeper into the unseen roots we could remain in forever.
592 – Beyond Self-Acceptance: The Way of Deep, Inner Healing
An experience of misplaced anger has raised the question of what real healing is. John takes us beyond simple self-acceptance, deep into the source of the finest healing of all.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
