Q: Experiences of relaxation come and go, and mostly go. So how can I experience relaxation, presence?

John: By not striving to achieve presence and relaxation. By securing first what it is that you think you need and want. Not putting conditions to having presence and relaxation. The presence and the relaxation is beneath everything that you are doing within to be. The presence and the relaxation is just beneath all that striving and it’s like a pool that just awaits you, and the more that you’re doing to have that simplicity of clean presence within, the more that you’re doing and striving to achieve that, the farther removed you are from this pool, this living pool within that always awaits you.

Honest presence has no reasons. When you are being within reason-free, then all of your energy within is just in one place. It’s not behind you in something that was, and it’s not in front of you in something that you hope for. As soon as you’re looking to be within for a reason, to looking to just simply be within so that there’s peace, then you’re looking to be within to cure something within now, and that is to cure the absence of peace, hoping that being within, hoping moving forward that that will give you peace so then your energy leaves where you are right now. So your presence is forward instead of your presence being just very gently settled within.

As soon as you have any reason for being, you cannot have presence within. If you are being within for no reason, being within because that’s all that you truly know – your knowing is within, your hope is without – so then it’s being honest with what it is that you know and why it is that you would surrender to what you know. And if either one of those is untrue, you cannot have presence within. You can only have presence within if your knowing is authentic and if your surrender to that knowing is authentic. If either one of them is not authentic, is not clear, is not clean, then you cannot have presence within.

Q: And what do we do with desire?

John: Let it be just as is, never mixing your desire with insistence. The desire on its own is clean. As soon as you take that desire and you let that desire come in context of a belief, if the belief is that you have the right to have what it is that you desire and you take that belief to heart, then now you will insist on what it is that you desire. As soon as you mix insistence with desire, then you have want, and it’s only want that ruins you within, not desire. It is only when there is a simple contentedness within to not have what it is that you desire, then that removes you from the desire and the desire remains there as is, clean. Then the clean energy within that desire becomes like a nest for you to be in the midst of that desire and still be present within, or have real presence within. So you haven’t sold yourself to that desire and yet you’re very tenderly being in the midst of it. So you’re not pushing the desire away and you’re also not mixing insistence with that desire, which causes you, within, to do something to have what it is that you believe that you would want or need based on a desire.

Q: Are you like this all day, John?

John: It’s all there is, all day. If you try anything else you’ll hurt yourself and it won’t work. If you insist on there being something else then you’ll be on a path to find it your way, the way of insistence, insisting on it being the way that you might believe or being the way that you may have learned. But when it is the way that you most simply know within, the same way that you knew when you were very tiny, and if you’re surrendering to that way within, then everything within very gently opens up and then you’re no longer living out issues. Now you’re living out the littlest bit that you know is real and you’re being that. And then what it is that you do in this life or don’t do in this life doesn’t make a difference.

Careers don’t matter, what kind of house you live in doesn’t matter, how much money you make doesn’t matter, how many friends you have doesn’t matter, whether you have pleasure in this life or whether there’s pain in this life doesn’t matter, your future doesn’t truly matter, your past doesn’t truly matter. All that matters is that you’re genuinely and authentically being the littlest bit within that you know is true and that you’re being that without compromise; that you will not sacrifice that littlest bit that you know in order to have what it is that you think you need, and then selling out on that real presence within in order to attain something. When you live to attain something, then you become lost in hope. You become lost in something that is presently not there within.

So then you live in a dream: the dream of happiness, the dream of pain relief, the dream that is made of, to you, your most precious wants, those things that you treasure most to have, those things that you treasure most to be able to get rid of, and then you’re living out only a personalized belief system based on the coarseness of want and need, and there cannot be nectar in that because there’s no truth in that. You can make yourself believe something that is not real or true but you can never convince yourself of what you believe, so there’ll always be a nagging doubt that picks at everything you do, and because of that nagging doubt being there, then to counteract all those little nagging doubts, you’ll have to add reasons as to why you’re doing it. You need those reasons because you don’t believe what you’re doing. If you knew that what you were doing was real, you wouldn’t need a reason; you’d be just living out what you know is true and real. You wouldn’t have to justify anything at all. There would be no doubts, there would be no inner dialogue within, there would be no arguing with yourself within. There would be just a clear knowing and you being the flow that most wonderfully lives out that simple knowing. Then it wouldn’t make any difference what you think or what you feel, or what others think or what others feel. It wouldn’t make any difference at all what anyone believes; that you are just simply clear in this little bit that you genuinely know is true, and that all that you are is supreme love of that and completely relaxed in that and that there is really nothing more for you. Then all of life is lived out in the expression of that little bit that you’re being. And then it no longer makes any difference what kind of decisions you make because they all come out of the same space, a space that you have supreme clarity in. And that space may be ever so small, but all of your presence is in that tiny little space, living within, expressing itself without. That’s where you started and that’s what you can return to.

Because that is your first love, you are incapable of believing anything else. You cannot believe it with all of your heart. You can only genuinely and truly believe with everything that you are, something that all of you clearly knows is true. Anything else requires some kind of internal structure to hold it up, to hold it together, to defend it from yourself, to defend it from others, even though what it is that you’re living for you don’t truly believe in because you’re not truly in love with it. You can only be truly and completely in love with something within that is truly real, that is unsupported and un-held-together by anything; that it is real because it is real.

It is only when you very gently lay down inside of that that you are being real. When you are very gently laying down inside of that, then the life that comes out of that is one that is real. Anything outside of that exposes the striving and the tension within. There’s tension within and striving within when we are not being genuinely clean with the littlest bit that we actually know is real. If there’s not real unity within, if you’re not cleanly being one with the littlest bit that is cleanly real, then there must, of necessity, be within you tension. And then that tension is truly wonderful, and when that tension reflects itself in everything that you do in this life, then it’s truly wonderful that that tension is there, that that tension makes you unhappy, that that tension aggravates you, that that tension aggravates others, that that tension is a sore spot within showing up in all of your life because then that tension tells you that something’s out. And the more that you do to fix whatever it is that you believe is out, the more tension there will be, which is wonderful because it keeps showing you that something is really out and that everything that you’re doing to fix it, so far, is also out. And it’s only honesty, an absolute honesty within that will let itself be quieted, let itself be gentled and let itself be stilled within until you’re residing only in this tiny little bit of clarity that is so simple that it’s the only real clarity that you’ve ever had. It’s such a little bit but it’s real. Then you completely, very gently lay down inside that little bit of clarity and then the tension within is gone because now you’re at one with what is presently real and true within.

You’re surrendered to what you really know and left behind your holding onto whatever it is that you’ve been wanting, or needing or believing in. Letting go of everything that you’ve learned, letting go of all the ideals, all the hopes, all the personal dreams until everything, all the doing is over. The doing has ceased. The doing within is gone and all that’s left over is this very, very gentle space of being as is. In that space you cannot have insistence. In that very tiny little space within, you cannot have self-will. You cannot say, “mine.” You cannot say, within that space within you cannot say “I need” or “I want” because all that you know in that nourishing and tender space within is the most gentled okayness with everything as is. Within that space of okayness there is no need, there is no want, there is no personal insistence. There is just the most tender rest within in the midst of any circumstance, any feeling, any thought, as is.

This is your first love. This is what you’ve been looking for in all of your striving. Every time you buy something, this is what you’re searching for. Every time you phone someone to spend some time, this is what you’re looking for. You cannot find this in a friend. You can’t find it in a car. You can’t find it in a woman, or a relationship, or a house. You can’t find this in a belief system. You can’t find this in living for God. You can’t find this in living for any ideal. If you live for anything other than this, then you’re not in this and then everything else that you’re in, you will never find this. So then nothing will work and you’ll have much tension. And that’s good.

When there is no tension within because of letting your eyes open and seeing the ever-so-little bit that you know is true, and letting everything that you are just simply surrender to that just because that’s what’s real and that surrendering to that is worth more than living for you, or living for others, or living for something; that it’s surrendering to that little bit that you let yourself see that you always knew was real and letting everything that you are just be that little bit because that’s all that’s real … then when there is no tension within, that’s good because you’re being real. If you’re being that all the time, letting yourself see that all the time and being only that little bit in the midst of everything in this existence, all the time, then all the time there will be no tension and all the time that there is no tension, there will be nothing that you’re doing within to make it this way. You’re just being real with the littlest bit that you honestly and cleanly know, so then you’re one with your first love. Then you’re completely in love with something that is real, and when you’re being what it is that you’re completely in love with, then you are that love. And then there’s consummate satisfaction, the consummate satisfaction of being real: nothing attached to it, nothing sticking to it, no conditions, no reasons for being real. Not being real because it gives you peace, not being real because it gets rid of the tension, not being real because when you’re being real there’s joy and there’s love, but being real because that’s what’s real, that’s what’s true. Then your being real is not result-oriented. It’s not conditional. It’s unconditional and it’s not dependent on anything else.

All this costs you is the whole of you and the entire life that you think is yours. It’ll cost you the gentle and the tender letting go of only that in order to be real. It’ll cost you only those things that you’re tired of, that you’re sick of, which is you. The only thing that you can possibly ever be sick of is yourself. If you’re being absolutely real within, then you won’t be sick of that because that’s home. That’s your first love. You cannot ever be sick of your first love. When you’re completely immersed in your first love, your real love, you cannot be sick of anything. So as soon as you’re sick of something, that’s good. It tells you that you’re not being real. You can only be sick of something that is not truly real.

Q: Thank you.