Q: You speak about the being coming through the heart and flooding the self, and it was just exactly the experience that I’d had. The catalyst for me in that experience was this immense love, this immense feeling of romantic love that I’d never experienced before, and that, for me, triggered this awakening but I don’t think that’s its purpose. I’d like to know the purpose or deeper meaning of that romantic love; that deep being-to-being connection that you spoke of. So if you could speak on that some?

John: It’s your being coming up into your first self. It circumvents your usual self and its conditioning. The first self is like what you see easily in little children, especially in a baby. When a baby smiles and laughs, everything that it is and that it is in comes right out into the surface without a filter, without protection, without any sense of anything else. Moving in your first self is most nurturing, delightful and sublime. There, the reflection back to you of what you were being in your self is accurate to you. It’s a true reflection. You staying in that unconditionally, at any personal cost, rewires the rest of your self. You’ll be dealing with everything that you haven’t dealt with, everything that you’ve covered up, everything that you’ve run away from.

Being in your first self, a being in your self, initiates a massive cleaning: everything will come up in your self, all of your training of your self, the self-protective training. It’ll all come up telling you to run. Multiple self-rescue programs will spring up. Stay in it and you won’t fit in this world. You won’t fit in your usual self. You won’t fit in your personality. It will all be too small. You’ll experience all of the lack in your self, reflecting what in your self is not yet like you.

Q: Thank you.

John: Don’t be turned away. It takes a lot to get you to that point.

Q: I’m not sure I understand exactly what you mean.

John: It takes a lot for you to come to such an opening. If you are turned away from it, it’s more difficult again to come to such an opening.

Q: It was the biggest thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life. It changed everything in an instant. I’m not as open as I was. I’m still trying to learn how.

John: Don’t learn. Just like being given to it, like how it takes you. As soon as you are a mediator of the flow of this, the flow goes down. The mediator isn’t like the flow. You don’t need the mediator – just your full givenness to what you are directly knowing the truth of within, whatever that may later mean in your self, in your life, and you’re not there to control that. It’s your openness to what you directly know that controls that. Your openness to the truth within gets to control you. It moves as love. It cannot comprehend fear. It’s delicately expressive. It fills everything without hesitation. It’s you streaming as a being in your self. It’ll change everything but change is what your self is for, until your self is just like your being.

Q: The conditioning that I have about thinking my way there, it’s strong, and I know that’s not the way but I find my self thinking.

John: Its strength is in the credence you give it. On its own, it has no power. The power that you experience it has is the power that you’ve given to it. Struggle with it, and it gets even stronger. Rejecting it feeds it. Being bothered by it feeds it. It’s there to stay and it is really good. Your thinking will keep reflecting what you are being in it. Thinking your way through it is thinking your way out of it. Like your way into it, and you’re in.

As soon as you awaken to the way within, there’s no other.

Q: It’s a good door that I found – I’m not sure how. It just opened.

John: That door opening shows you how to open your door. Both opened is a breezeway for your being into your self. Hesitate in your self for any reason at all, and your door starts to close. The other door that’s open doesn’t open yours, and it doesn’t keep yours open. It just invites you.

Q: How do I more deeply accept that invitation?

John: Like running in, walking in, jumping in, flying in.

Q: Thank you.