Q: I’m trying to live a life integrating spirituality into the practical life. I know that it is important to stay endless open, empty open. The problem is this openness seems to be very vulnerable. I think I’m stuck there there in a way because there’s always arising fear out of the being I thought I was. So that is a kind of no one’s land, so I just ask you to support this consciousness in front of you to help in the process. .
John: In your self, as awareness, you relate to who you are. In what is deeper in your self, as awareness, you relate to what you are. It’s an important distinction and the pitfall as you begin to awaken to the distinction is that you’ll easily try to turn who you are into what you are, and that will have you experiencing in your self a creation of no-man’s land. Who you are has nothing to do with what you are. As awareness in your heart, you’re able to come from what you are in the midst of who you are in your self, without trying to get your self and who you are to conform to what you are.
Q: I think, as awareness, I’m still complete and whole.
John: Only if you’re coming from what you’re knowing the truth of in your heart. If you’re coming from what seems in your self, you’ll be making what you are as awareness un-whole. As awareness, you’ll bend into what you’re not.
Q: And how is it possible to come always out of the true self?
John: By not using anything of your self or anything that’s in your self to inform you, as awareness, as to what is real and true.
Q: That means dying to the wrong self, does it?
John: In terms of an identification, yes. It isn’t a wrong self. It’s just a self that you’ve come into this world with that is a very basic package and a packaging that isn’t reflective of what you first are. It’s reflective of what everyone else has believed is true who has come before you.
Q: Concerning the human history?
John: History isn’t going to inform you, as awareness, as to what you first are. It will inform you of what everyone else did.
Q: Then it’s important to become free of all this history, influences, to realize that we – not only me – but we are free consciousness.
John: That’s too big of a term for you. The words are too big. You’ve adopted the words. You’re using words that you’re not walking in. If you use words that you’re not walking in, then who you are as a self becomes spiritual.
Q: I don’t want to become a spiritual ego or something like this.
John: People grow into it slowly and become trapped in it slowly. To not become trapped, and concerning things that you know are deeper, within, than what your self is, acquire nothing. And that you’ll live being content with tiny little bits of knowing that you have in your heart and that it isn’t there because of anything to do with your self. When the little is everything, when it’s everything to you, you’ll have more. When the little is for you not enough, then you’ll turn to your self and you’ll adopt things from within your self and you’ll adopt things from others.
You’ll begin to believe that which you don’t actually know the truth of and you’ll be taking it seriously. You’ll become wise in ways that are not actually real to you, so in that way you’ll delude your self. The happier you are, within, with tiny, tiny, little bits that you know the truth of in your heart, the clearer you’ll be in your heart. And it is that then that you’re being in your heart that becomes a pattern for your self; and your self, despite its packaging, despite what you’ve turned it into, despite whatever past you have, your self will change and begin to reflect in form the real that you’re being of the tiny little bits in your heart.
It’s the same in your heart that you knew the truth of without any understanding when you were really little, and that you easily ran around like that. You easily were running about, being what that is.
Q: Yeah, that was also my tendency to make spiritual experience, but that’s not important, I think. But it’s normal for a human being confronted with this, that the human being has the tendency to…
John: A fool believes what he actually doesn’t know the truth of. You don’t need to do that.
Q: I don’t need believing, yeah?
John: What you don’t actually know the truth of, and whatever tiny little bit in your heart that you do know the truth of, even if you’re not understanding it, believe. Trust anything else at all to inform you of what you first are, within, but that tiny little bit that you know in your heart…trust anything else at all to inform you of what is deeper, within, than what your self is, and you’ll be a fool.
Trust only that tiny little bit that you know in your heart concerning what matters most, and some will call you a fool. And you’ll know better than that.