593 – Honest to the Way of Your Heart
An exploration of how honesty and an open, soft heart are connected, taking us ever deeper into the unseen roots we could remain in forever.
Q: After our last talk when you talked to me about being inexperienced in our relationship it’s been quite a struggle for some reason. Every time I was trying to apply being inexperienced in our relationship, it’s been, you know, a place for clashes and it somehow didn’t go very well. It’s kind of hard because I don’t want to be judgmental of him, but I sometimes think we’re losing direction and it’s really important.
John: If it is something that you know he is to do, if you’re clear about that, then don’t use your person or your self to administer your clarity. Give what you are knowing to him, what you are knowing the truth of…give it with a heart of inexperience. If you include your experienced self and your experienced person, then you’ll be making rightness personal. You’ll be judgmental and nagging. You’ll be telling him what to do for personal reasons even though it might be based on what you know the truth of. What you know the truth of, if you are knowing something, needs to come through cleanly. It has in it no expectation, no force, no embellishments. It isn’t at all personal; it’s just clean, clear knowing in you about him. Give it to him that cleanly. With such a heart, if you know he is to do something, then you need to tell him what to do. Have nothing in you of making him do what you are knowing he is to do. Then giving to him what you are knowing for him, what you are knowing of him, is you giving your heart to him. You won’t be speaking from within the relationship. You’ll be speaking to him from within the bond. It takes the two of you to where the two of you started.
If you are thinking that he should do something but you’re not knowing that he should do it, then you also need to tell him what you think without there being gravity in it. From within the bond you’ll be sharing with him your thinking. The appeal is to him. It is a meeting of two hearts through the presentation of what you’re thinking. The sharing of thinking is then sharing in each other. If you don’t make the thinking personal then each of you are able to speak about what you’re thinking. Your thinking doesn’t need to be the same. Your thinking can be different while what you are in is the same. You are not in the relationship; you are in the bond, seeing each other and speaking to each other.
There isn’t value in someone being right. There’s value in clarity winning. It doesn’t matter who it is in, and within whom it comes from. The use of emotion in saying what you’re knowing, for yourself or for the other, isn’t made better or clearer. When you give it with the use of emotion, when you use emotion in saying it and in giving it then you’re not saying something. You’re forcing the other. You’re coercing the other into being something or into doing something. There’s no bond in that. There’s no meeting in that.
If you use will or emotion in giving what you’re thinking or in giving what you’re knowing, it’s your agenda that you’re doing, not what you’re thinking and what you’re knowing. Then you’ll be using what you’re thinking or what you’re knowing to deliver your personal agenda. What you think or what you know needs to stand on its own. If what you speak to each other is free of a personal agenda, then you’ll be giving everything just simply as it is. What is clear in it is the bond that you’re in. Then, talking about what you’re thinking, or saying to each other what you’re knowing, is real communion. As soon as you are being right you are not actually together and there is no communion. Don’t be right and don’t be wrong. Be together.
When the bond matters most, you’ll be doing what each other knows. Being together means more than having something. When the relationship is based on the bond the way of the relationship is the way of the bond. When you’re knowing something that’s true for the other, then you’ll be giving that as it is, from within the bond, in being together. You will be telling each other what to do. That’s loving each other. From within the bond, being together in the bond, you need to be able to always say what you feel, what you think and what you know, with it always being safe with each other to do so.
From within the bond, when you receive what the other is feeling or thinking or knowing, you change. You don’t remain the same. When there is a personal agenda then despite what you know, what you feel and what you think … despite your knowing, your feeling and your thinking, the good is gone.
Q: Can I ask about how to recognize I have a personal agenda?
John: When you have emotion in it, when you have a personal need for him to hear what you’re saying, you will use emotion in saying it. If you don’t have a personal need, you’ll need no emotion to say it. Then you are simply speaking. If you are simply speaking and the other isn’t receiving, then in that moment there isn’t a real relationship. If you’re needing the other to receive, then there is also in that moment not a real relationship. There isn’t direct relating. You’re not together. You’re in relationship. You need to be together.
Q: If I’m speaking, simply speaking and he doesn’t receive, is there anything I can do about it?
John: You can receive the lack. You can receive the separation. If you react then you’re taking separation. You can simply speak and in your heart receive the results. It doesn’t matter what the result is. You need to receive it. If the result is a hardness from the other, or if the result is a softness from the other, you need to receive it. Softness received softens. Hardness received softens.
When you speak something; when, from within the bond, you simply speak, it means that you’re changing because in speaking you know within that you’ll be receiving into your heart the result. When that is how you speak to each other, when that is what speaking to each other means, your conversation is communion. In it you’re growing, you’re changing, you’re evolving. Your meeting, your love, is new.
Q: I’m a little bit at the point that the receiving part is scary for me. I can see that I’m willing to speak. I’m not always fully willing to receive.
John: Real speaking is a promise to receive. Speaking is a solid, profound responsibility. How scared you are in it isn’t a determining factor. If you are being authentic in the speaking then your being scared reveals your authenticity to the other. When he is clean in what he’s saying to you and he is frightened in what he’s saying to you, you are hanging on every word. When you’re seeing him, you’re hanging on every word. When you are in the bond and together, every kind of communication is powerful. Everything goes in. When you are in the bond and together, disagreement is communion – the two of you being of the same, even when you’re not of the same mind. Disagreement is as nurtureful as agreement. In a realness disagreement, no-one is being right. Both are being together. This is what you’re together for.
Q: If I speak and there is hardness or pushing on the other side it doesn’t quite feel like together.
John: It isn’t together. Instead of being together, you’re being right. When you’re being right it doesn’t matter how right you actually are, you’re really wrong.
Q: So if I find myself reacting that means …
John: You’re wrong.
Q: Does that mean that when I was speaking I actually had an agenda there?
John: As soon as you have emotion in it, you have an agenda, a personal agenda. Using emotion in speaking means that you’re fortifying from a personal level what you’re saying.
When you use a weapon to say something you’re not actually saying something. You’re using your weapon. When you are coming from within the bond and being with him, when you are simply telling him what to do because you’re knowing something, you’re loving him. As soon as your emotional stick is conveniently close to use, you’re not loving him. In relating directly together you don’t need the use of force. You’re together. As soon as you are mad at him about something, the value that is in what you’re mad about has been consumed by your madness. Love seeing that. In loving seeing that, upsetness in you will make you softer than what you were before.
The two of you are married. That means that the two of you together don’t need any boundaries. Two sweetie pies. One love pie.
593 – Honest to the Way of Your Heart
An exploration of how honesty and an open, soft heart are connected, taking us ever deeper into the unseen roots we could remain in forever.
592 – Beyond Self-Acceptance: The Way of Deep, Inner Healing
An experience of misplaced anger has raised the question of what real healing is. John takes us beyond simple self-acceptance, deep into the source of the finest healing of all.
591 – The Truth About Compassion
When is compassion self-centred, when is it real, and how can we tell? An exploration of what it means to be truly compassionate.
590 – Can I Return to My Awakening Experience?
One profound experience of a different level of consciousness had a profound impact on this person. How did it happen and can it be experienced again?
589 – Starting Over: Living Your Awakening Before You Die
After many years on a spiritual path, this person is no longer interested in more teachings. Can there really be nothing to do? John describes what stands in the way of living our awakening, and the value of doing that before we die.
588 – The Realization of a Rare Destiny
The longing to be free of any level of the self is at the heart of this conversation. What changes our destiny and gives entrance to what we really are?
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement | 1 year | Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional | 11 months | The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". |
elementor | never | This cookie is used by the website's WordPress theme. It allows the website owner to implement or change the website's content in real-time. |
PHPSESSID | session | This cookie is native to PHP applications. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. |
viewed_cookie_policy | 11 months | The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data. |
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
locale | 1 month | This cookie is used to store the language preference of a user allowing the website to content relevant to the preferred language. |
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
_ga | 2 years | The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. |
_gid | 1 day | Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. |
CONSENT | 16 years 2 months 18 days 8 hours | YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. |
yt.innertube::requests | never | This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. |
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
IDE | 1 year 24 days | Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. |
NID | 6 months | NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. |
test_cookie | 15 minutes | The test_cookie is set by doubleclick.net and is used to determine if the user's browser supports cookies. |
VISITOR_INFO1_LIVE | 5 months 27 days | A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. |
YSC | session | YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. |
yt-remote-connected-devices | never | YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. |
yt-remote-device-id | never | YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. |
yt.innertube::nextId | never | This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. |