Q: Hello John. I was wondering if you could help me being more aware by myself? It is as if I’m more aware when I am connecting with other people, depending on the connection instead of totally being aware by myself. I would like if you could say anything about that, how I can be more aware of my self instead of by connecting with other people.

John: Notice your use of emotion within the privacy of your self. You’ll begin to realize what governs your self, what moves your self. Notice the relationship with your heart and those emotions in the privacy of your self. Notice what happens in your heart with different emotional reactions within, tightening that occurs in your heart … when you go to soften, within, some of the emotional reactions in your self that you’ll have against such softening. Notice the use of will that occurs in the privacy, again, of your self and you’ll be coming into a realization of your relationship, within, with power. You’ll begin to realize how you do, as awareness, use force within your self in reaction to your self and in reaction to different approaching circumstances or different people. Notice what happens, within, when you’re frustrated or annoyed. Notice what’s occurring in your heart.

With all of this you’ll begin to realize a web of conditioning in your self and a web of the ways of your self that you’ve become attached to, and then notice the changes of heart when there is a gentling, within, a softening and an opening, and what that does to you as awareness in your relationship with your use of emotion and your use of will.

You’ll begin to see your entire relationship with your self. You’ll begin to see what you’ve been given over to, as awareness; what it is in your self that is owning you and governing you; where you’re letting what you are as awareness be mastered by something in your self instead of letting what you are as awareness be mastered by what is deeper within than what your self is. You’ll begin to recognize, as awareness, subtleties of goodness.

As you align what you are as awareness with the subtleties of goodness within, you’ll be experiencing how much your self isn’t at all like that, how much your self in all of its complexity differs from the subtleties of goodness within. You’ll be realizing the difference in what moves you as awareness, what touches you and what moves you as a self, and how the two differ from each other.

As you begin to see the differences then you can shift your orientation as awareness to those things within that you know are lovelier than what your self is, despite what that may cost your self, despite how that will affect your person, how that will affect your choices in your self and your choices and decisions as a person, how that changes the way that you move in your life.

As you begin to see all of that within the privacy of your self, you will really be seeing how you have moved by the structures in your self in your relationship with others and that the use of these structures covers and inhibits your awareness. The structures in your self are used to cover your awareness, particularly in your relationship with others when it’s easier to focus on the other person. It’s easy to see in the other what you would rather not see in your self. If you were to have awareness within these structures you wouldn’t be liking your self.

In opening up as awareness you’ll be realizing that your only real loyalty within is to subtleties of goodness. You’ll be realizing that you actually value one subtlety of goodness within, that is almost unseen, more than your whole self. The more that you’re valuing subtleties of awareness deep within, the more awareness you’ll have in your self. Heightened awareness comes with the opening to subtleties of goodness within.

Like opening and softening within in the midst of every little part of your self, in the midst of all of your ways, and you’ll have a depth of opening of awareness. Your seeing will open and with the opening of your seeing you’ll be thinking differently. You’ll begin to like thinking, just as you are liking opening and softening within. You begin to realize with a greater awareness all that you actually know the truth of, within. Without opening to the subtleties of awareness you won’t be able to see all that you actually know. You’ll be in the habit of overlooking what you know the truth of.

If you remain in this you’ll begin to see the development of your awareness, and as you remain in that you’ll begin to recognize your evolution as awareness. As you begin to realize your evolution as awareness, you’ll be far removed from having a self-orientation. You’ll have an orientation as awareness that suits your evolution as awareness. That sort of orientation develops a sense of a much greater self – no longer the sense of a little self, a small self, a self that relates to what it’s gaining or losing, a self that relates to what it likes and what it doesn’t like.

The greater the self, the bigger the self, the more that you do, within the workings of your self, reflect the subtleties of being within, subtleties of goodness, the perspective of your lived-in greater self will be constantly including every little bit that you know the truth of. Everything will be factored in – every thought, every feeling, every intention – without any single factor governing any of the other factors. What will be governing all of the factors concerned in your greater self will be your own actual knowing within, your knowing as awareness. Your awareness and the field of your awareness will always be greater than your self, deeper than the ground of your self and higher than the ceiling of your self.

As you go to sleep it will be easiest for you as awareness to not be relating to your self, unless you’re going to sleep thinking about your day. When you are out of the use of your self in your going to sleep, as awareness you’ll naturally be moving toward what you are as a being. If you notice what is occurring in that, you’ll be awakening as awareness to different subtleties of being. You’ll realize that just before you’re going to sleep you’re moving as a being. If you don’t notice it, you won’t be having awareness of it. As soon as you have awareness of it, you begin to know the truth of it. You begin to realize what is worth being, in the midst of your self in your waking life. In this time, the time of your going to sleep, if you notice, you’ll see how natural and how easy it is for you not to relate to your self; how easy it is for you to move as awareness in ways that don’t involve your self; that such movement within is nurturing to you. In that there is a natural gentling of your heart that enables you to enjoy going to sleep. It is your own natural return to what you’ve come from. As you bring noticing into your awareness, you’ll be realizing and seeing that you have no fear in that, and from that you’ll be realizing that the fears in your self are not well founded. They’re actually not real to you; they’re made real by you in your self.

In this time, as with much of your going to sleep time, notice as awareness the different spaces within, spaces that you move in and you move as, spaces that have no relationship to your self. These spaces are naturally connected movements of being, streams of being. As you notice them and you favour them, you’ll begin to value how you’re able to be in that, how you’re able to move as that without any use of your self, without any relationship to your self. As you gain awareness in that, you’ll see how you’re able to be the same in the midst of your self. You’ll be awakening to these fine, delicate streams of being that have a more real and powerful influence on your self than your accustomed use of will and emotion has on your self. You’ll come to love, in your own awareness, how the structures of your self will form to these streams of being with your awareness in it.

You’ll come to love how real change in your self is made. You won’t see your self the same way anymore. You won’t see your self as being you. You’ll begin to see your own self as being yours and that you are as awareness like a kind, benevolent parent to your self. By these streams of being that you come into awareness of, you’ll be raising your self, guiding your self. By that, as awareness, you’ll be building a different kind of self, a kind of self that moves in the same way as your own streams of being within. By this, as awareness in your self through these streams of being, you’ll be coming into a wealth of heart understanding, having real knowledge of all of the subtleties within, subtleties of goodness that matter the most to you, and how that real knowledge applies directly through your heart in your relationship with your self. You won’t mind that your self isn’t like what this is. You won’t mind because you’ll be knowing that you are the same as this is, that you are like what this is.

You keep following in, further and further within, showing you how natural it is to awaken as awareness to the more and the more within; that your relationship with your self has no direct effect in this, while the awakening in this has real effect on your self. You won’t be able to sustain the experience of this. You can sustain your knowing within of what this is. Your experience in this highlights your own knowledge in this. As the experience goes away, your own knowledge in this doesn’t. The knowledge of it won’t provide you with an experience. It provides you only what you know the truth of.

Love that knowledge within more than your self.

Q: Thank you.