Q: I have a question about sexual energy. I notice being with people that it comes up quite often, and I wonder if I’m using it to separate myself because it comes up and something in me doesn’t want it so I can shut myself off. I don’t know if the energy is a covering for being, so why am I scared of it?

John: Because it feels bigger than you. Sexual energy doesn’t separate you from being. Using sexual energy to get something within or resisting sexual energy: that separates you from being. Being in it in whichever way it seems to come up without using it for yourself or resisting it, without being ashamed of it or wanting more: that’s being clean in it.

Q: What is happening when I feel it coming towards me but I don’t feel it or want it, I wonder if there’s an element of control, controlling people, or is it just something coming from me that I’m shutting off from?

John: When there’s any kind of wanting or not wanting, that is you being controlling. Using your power is manifested in either wanting or not wanting. Being in your power is when you’re in the midst of your sexual energy and you’re doing nothing with it. When you’re being in it and doing nothing with it then you are integrating your power. When you are doing something with that sexual energy, then you’re giving your power away to that sexual energy. Then you’re making it bigger than you. Then instead of it just being there with you in it, you’re adding personal focus to it, turning it into something that it’s not.

Q: I don’t know why I feel my heart contracting.

John: Because you fear being in your sexual energy without doing anything with it. That to you feels too big: it is just right. Being in it, as is, feels too big because you’re used to either using it or resisting it, whichever one serves your interest best at the time. Neither one of them is what you know. What you actually know is to be in it without doing anything with it, then as it is doing something to you, this is integrating that. It is integrated sexual energy that turns you into a woman. Avoiding such integration keeps you from being a woman.

Q: Yeah, I feel that, thank you

John: Let your sexual energy very gracefully mold you into what a woman is without using any of it for yourself, which would make you coarsely masculine. Your sexual energy brings out your femininity until you use it for yourself. Then it goes the other way. You can give it away as an expression, but only when you honestly know to: not because you would want to and not ever because someone else wants it – only when you honestly, to the core, cleanly know too. It’s not yours to give away; you are accountable to be in it cleanly. Enjoy being accountable to it. That turns you into a woman. Few females will develop into real women because of using sexual energy instead of integrating sexual energy. Anything that you use or resist becomes distorted.

Q: And when the fear comes up, just stay open.

John: Regardless of what the energy seems to be doing within you or to you, being in your sexual energy without doing anything with it; not facing the fear, but facing yourself. When you face yourself this way, there’s nectar. Within your sexual energy, face yourself without needing to do anything – just being in it. When you’re doing something with your sexual energy that makes you masculine, tough and manipulative. You may make it look feminine but it’s not.