Q: My awareness has been balancing on a thread. In the beginning, I was very occupied with not falling from the thread and balancing. Now I don’t really know where I am anymore. I was wondering if you could say something about that.
John: Seemingly being in the dark and not being able to see doesn’t mean that you’re not being true to knowledge. You can’t use your experience to tell you what is true concerning that which precedes the level of experience.
For that, what you have is what you are: awareness and knowing. Experiencing imbalance doesn’t necessarily mean that what you are, most deeply, is out of balance, but trying to compensate for your experiencing can put you as awareness out of balance.
Being true to knowledge may have you pointedly experiencing imbalance in your self. A part of balance in awareness is not needing the weight of experience to be a part of what balances you. Sincerity can feel dishonest while knowing that it is honest.
Profound sincerity, in all of its vulnerability, in its relationship to knowledge, does find its way. Within that vulnerable sincerity, don’t lose heart. In all of the little things give your heart to what you know the truth of within. It doesn’t matter how little that can seem to be. All that matters is that what you do really know the truth of, within, has your heart, despite all of the difficulty that that may put your self in.
You will be awakening to many cutting edges as awareness within your self. Each cutting edge is a fine, fine line that you’re able to walk and discern, in just simply being what you know the truth of within. You will always be awakening to more cutting edges within. As you walk what you know the truth of in that, eventually your whole self will be made of cutting edges.
Q: How do I discern between a cutting edge and doing, like separating from knowledge?
John: Profound sincerity doesn’t miss, even when it misses. Even when it leads to mistakes on the surface, sincerity never misses. Even if it’s going the wrong way on the surface, sincerity is good and right. Its way within is to knowledge. You don’t need to have the full spectrum of knowledge for you to be true to the knowledge that you do have.
Q: Is it because I try to judge my knowledge and sincerity by the surface result?
John: You can’t go by that. You can use form for what follows. But not for what precedes. You can only use what precedes to be that which precedes. Looking back, judging actions by their consequences, works in helping your self. It works in your learning as a self. The experience of that makes it understandable for you to look back behind you in an effort to help you be what you first are. It just doesn’t work.
Sincerity will really be all right even when it gets something wrong, whereas a lack of sincerity will not be alright even if it gets something right.
Q: What can I do when cutting edges occur?
John: Remain true, to the tiniest little bit within that you know is true. Continue in that even in what might seem to be the dark.
Q: Without being able to give it any form?
John: If it means that, yes. Being what you most deeply know the truth of within, at cost to your self, is the orientation of truth within your self, enabling the forming of a new self, in the midst of your self, even if you can’t see it.To listen to audio podcast 37 – Your Heart Needs No Protection visit the John de Ruiter YouTube Channel
