Q: When I checked the conversation I had with you last, you were always encouraging me to go deeper and I was always resisting, saying some excuse. Before, I never had this kind of attitude toward truth. I had an uncompromising attitude toward truth. My priority in my life was truth and nothing else. But since I obtained complete surrender with you in the summer seminar, I got very satisfied and happy, and the seeker in me disappeared, but I started to develop some kind of fear. I think it’s based on misunderstanding, like, if I go more deeper I might want to get sucked into some kind of black hole and disappear completely.
John: That’s not good?
Q: I shared with you in the café that 95% of the time I was in the greater reality, and only 5% I was in the reality and functioning, and I wonder what is going to happen if it becomes 100%. So I have a fear of dropping out from the reality or disappearing, but I think it’s based on misunderstanding, that I don’t know what’s really going to happen from here to the place that you’re encouraging me to go.
John: It’s similar to disappearing. What occurs is replacement. What you are accustomed to in your self will be replaced by what is like your being.
Compared to your self and from the perspective of familiarity, it is all profoundly unusual. In the same way, a caterpillar enters the chrysalis and, when it comes out it, is no longer a caterpillar. It no longer looks like one or functions like one. What emerges is a different form, a different function. The one replaces the other. In that way the caterpillar enters the chrysalis and disappears. The level of change that it can be compared to is the change that occurs when you die. What was is gone. What remains is all different. The real surrender isn’t in the first 95%. It’s in the last 5. In the first 95, tomorrow remains. In the last 5, the illusion of certainty passes away.
Q: I feel there is many things that happen from here to there, many beautiful things.
John: Resistance no longer exists. All plans no longer belong to the caterpillar. What the caterpillar plans is altogether different from the caterpillar. A vision can take you through your life to the end of your life and there the vision ends. The vision wasn't needed. A vision can take you to the door, to the door of your own being. But in your real entrance to your own being, the vision ends. The vision wasn’t needed to get you there and it’s not needed in your entrance. What gets you to the door and through is your disappearance into what you know. Then there is no difference between awareness and knowing. What you are after you’ve died is realized as your continuity as you live.
