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Becoming A Real Mother

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When: May 18, 2001
Afternoon Open Mic

Q: I feel so happy! There's a child growing inside of me. Can you speak about becoming a mother, a good mother, and being this as much as possible? Thank you.

John: Instead of you being mother, which you don't really know how to do, receive this child for the being that it is and listen to this being. Let this little being teach you. See the being in the child. That brings out what you are as a being. Relate to the child as a very tender being, and then that's how you will be with it. That is the energy of what a real mother is. Tender beingness.

When your own heart is very delicately teachable toward this little being, then that's what it will be.

Q: Thank you.

John: A real mother is tender availability. A real mother is you being nectar. Such nectar you won't find in your mind, so it is not about you thinking about what a mother is. The nectar you find only in your heart.

When you're enjoying the nectar within your own heart, then that is how much nectar you're being. What makes the beingness of a child grow is only nectar, not your efforts or your beliefs. When you are loving the nectar within your self, that is you giving beingness food to this child. 

Enjoy knowing that you don't know what a mother is. As much as you thoroughly enjoy that, that is how good a mother you'll be. As convinced as you are, or as convinced as you would be of what a mother is, that is how much your child won't like you. 

What you are pregnant with isn't what you think. What you are pregnant with is tenderness. Let it teach you how to be a mother.

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John de Ruiter TRANSCRIPTS

on This Topic

Q: I had a call from my 21-year-old daughter who left home a year ago, telling me she needed to talk to me and she’s in a lot of pain. I could feel it in myself; it seems we’re in some kind of symbiosis since her birth which was
Q1: I work as a speech therapist with children. When I hear you speak, it reminds me of the importance in psychological theory for children to grow up with soft hearts, good relationships and protection in order to develop their potential. Can you say more about this? John: It’s true
Q: We’re having a baby. I really feel the baby is going to be our greatest teacher. John: Having a baby will strengthen whatever orientation you presently have. Q: Will it? It won’t be the opposite? John: If you are giving heed to the specialness of what’s there, and you’re taking that specialness
Q: I have a question about raising children and enjoying them in the way you’ve been describing. I have two daughters. John: How old are they? Q: Five and nine. I enjoyed the first child from the beginning, and it has been easy. The second is very different. From the moment

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