599 – Parenting: What Your Child Really Wants from You
John responds to a mother’s wish to understand why her young daughter still seems unhappy, despite her best efforts at parenting.
Q: I’d like to ask you about the self. When we say ‘my self’, this ‘my’, it seems as if the nature of the self is selfish. When I feel the peace it seems irrelevant but in daily life it’s very difficult to stay in that peace that’s not of the self. You draw the distinction between the heart and the self. Is the self the same as the body-mind?
John: That’s close enough. The self isn’t inherently selfish.
Awareness developing in the womb is awareness not just coming into a body but coming into the more subtle form of its own being. Awareness within the womb relates as a being. It doesn’t relate as a self, even though it is already within the environment of selves.
When you were in your mother’s body, you related to her as a being. Your being was your nature and you were relating directly to the nature of her being. In that way, you were an influence on her. In you relating to her as a being, she experienced you as a being and she experienced something of her own being. It brings about a wholeness, a restedness, a goodness that was palpable to her and that others could also see in her face.
While you were developing in the womb you were re-familiarizing her with what she really is. In those months when you were in her body you were, in a manner of speaking, teaching her everything that she’ll need for the next twenty years in raising you. Everything that mattered most in raising you was predicated on her being the same way that you were to her when you were in her body.
She was brought back to an intimacy of being. It wasn’t understood by her; what she understood was her self, but while you were in her body relating to her as a being, she was experiencing directly, from you and with you, a nurture that far surpassed any goodness that she knew in her self. This is all the goodness that is in her own being.
After you were born, when she would hold you and look into your eyes and you would look into hers, you continued to relate to her as a being. When you looked into her, she was being known and seen by you. In her self when she would consider and try to fathom what was occurring, she couldn’t. You were more than she was in her self, and in her heart as she held you and as the two of you met, she marveled.
She continued to be brought into what she is able to relate from, in relating with you. She acted like a self to you but, even in acting like a self to you, she was in her heart toward you. The beingness that you were of kept bringing her into her heart, in her heart where she understood little and knew much.
In the same way that she was being brought back to her being through your relating – experiencing the nurture of it – you, through her, her being in her self, were slowly being introduced to what a self is. As you became introduced to her self, every little bit of her self awakened you and brought you into your self.
As you came into your self, you began to come into all of your unintegrated power. In your self you related with feeling and with emotion. As you realized how you’re able to move in your self, as you began to realize the powers of your self because of being with the powers in her self, you developed and you learned very quickly. You learned how to use that power. It was necessary for you to come into these powers. It was necessary for you to come into your self. As you came into your self, you functioned slowly less and less directly as a being. It still remained very easy to see in you, and you still very easily found it in her.
As you came more and more into your self, realizing its powers and its limitations, you realized its powers because, in your self, you had power to do. You were able to do. You were able to influence and you were able to control. The limitation that you also realized as you came more and more into your self is that the more you used your control the more you were not coming from what you were first coming from. When you would move in your self, you would easily compromise and diminish the value of your own beingness. The selfishness that you came into was you coming into a self-orientation: a necessity in realizing your self, in coming into the form of your self.
While you did, you didn’t lack in knowing. As awareness, you moved as knowing. You read everything through knowing, regardless of what information you came into through your self. Your clarity, within, always came from knowing. You always knew what you saw. You knew what you saw in those around you, and it would take you years to come into understanding of what you were already seeing and knowing from the beginning.
As you came into your self and you came into the full development of your self, through many years of development you were able to relate directly to what you knew and to the beingness, within, that you knew, or to relate to what you experienced in your self. How you were affected in your being was not at all the same as how you were affected in your self, and you clearly knew within each. All the way through, you were making micro-choices in your relating: relating to what you knew, relating to your own beingness, relating in being able to find that same beingness in others, relating from that beingness or relating from your heart and also relating from your self.
While you were developing in your self, while you were developing your self, you were able to maintain your own real continuity. Your continuity as awareness, within all of your forms, was knowing. You always knew what was true. Not understanding it didn’t at all make less that you knew.
You were able in your micro-choices to depart in your relating from what you knew and to depart in your relating from your own being, to relate exclusively to what you felt and experienced within your self and as a self. You were able, in that relating to your self, to attach to your self and to regard the experience of your self as being everything.
When you related directly to your self, it would be easy for you to be unconsolable within the experienced loss of anything, and you would be uncontrollable but you could be appealed to. As you came into reason, you could be appealed-to in your thinking which promoted the development of your intellect. You could be appealed-to in the openness of your heart, which would easily bring you back to your heart and, when you experienced the beingness of those around you, that would appeal directly to your own being.
Your self wasn’t selfish. Your self was innocent as you were.
You developed naturally in your forms, including the development of your body and your self. You also had the capacity and the ability to fragment as awareness, creating attachments within your self that you knew were not true, but you would furnish these attachments because you had the power to; you were able to.
All of the micro choices that you made as awareness within your self contributed to your subconscious self. You were slowly – in adding to your own subconscious self through the conscious micro-choices in your conscious self – you were forming your own behavior. All of these formations then, in your experience, began to stand in your way. They stood in the way of your return back to your own being. When you began to awaken consciously and intellectually to the value of your own being, you had everything of the conditioning in your self to deal with.
You experienced it in your self as a terrible liability. It wasn’t a liability. It was there to help you, to help you in your integration as awareness, your integration of your self: not just of your self, but you as awareness integrating what it is to be a being that has heart, the place from which you choose as awareness. When you make choices as awareness you do so in your heart. Your heart is the form, and the level of form, between your being and your self.
The beauty of that is that with every choice that you make and every micro-choice you make, because it is made in your heart, you can see your being and you can see your self, and you’re able to move in either direction. You move by way of relating. You can relate to your being or you can relate to your self, or you can relate to your being within your self, or you could relate to your self in trying to have your being.
In all of this, within every micro-choice, you are as awareness sorting out the minutiae of being in form. You’re sorting out every tiny little bit of what it means to have these different levels of form. Whether you understand the levels or not, you’re not able to not sort. Within every choice, you’re sorting out. You’re sorting out what you are, in your experience, in the context of form.
599 – Parenting: What Your Child Really Wants from You
John responds to a mother’s wish to understand why her young daughter still seems unhappy, despite her best efforts at parenting.
598 – The Person, the Self and the Being: Identifying the Many Levels of You (Part 2)
This dialogue is a continuation of last week’s podcast 597. John speaks about what ego is, the power we have to create mystery to conceal what is clear, and what takes us deeper than personal integrity.
597 – The Person, the Self and the Being: Identifying the Many Levels of You (Part 1)
Person, self, being … what’s the difference and what is real? Using different analogies, John explains how our different levels connect and shares the code to being what we really are.
596 – Beyond Sadness and Pain: Happy Without a Reason
John reveals the source of the deep well of sadness and pain this person carries, and shares how she can reconnect with her original happiness.
595 – When a Crumb of Truth in Your Heart is Your Home
John responds to a spiritual dilemma: a desperate longing for realization, coupled with the fear of nothingness that seems to come with it.
594 – Fully Present in Your Body, Fully Present in Your Heart
Closing down to the experience of vulnerability can mean dissociating from the body. John shares a simple way to become more present however uncomfortable we feel.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement | 1 year | Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional | 11 months | The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. |
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance | 11 months | This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". |
elementor | never | This cookie is used by the website's WordPress theme. It allows the website owner to implement or change the website's content in real-time. |
PHPSESSID | session | This cookie is native to PHP applications. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. |
viewed_cookie_policy | 11 months | The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data. |
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
locale | 1 month | This cookie is used to store the language preference of a user allowing the website to content relevant to the preferred language. |
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
_ga | 2 years | The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. |
_gid | 1 day | Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. |
CONSENT | 16 years 2 months 18 days 8 hours | YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. |
yt.innertube::requests | never | This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. |
Cookie | Duration | Description |
---|---|---|
IDE | 1 year 24 days | Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. |
NID | 6 months | NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. |
test_cookie | 15 minutes | The test_cookie is set by doubleclick.net and is used to determine if the user's browser supports cookies. |
VISITOR_INFO1_LIVE | 5 months 27 days | A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. |
YSC | session | YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. |
yt-remote-connected-devices | never | YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. |
yt-remote-device-id | never | YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. |
yt.innertube::nextId | never | This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. |