Q: I feel so very sensitive. I read this morning in one of the flyers that the waking up is more painful than the agony of being asleep, and that was very confirming for me. I have been accused of being over sensitive, or being addicted to suffering, or being a martyr, but what seems to be happening now is just an intense sensitivity to everything in my own world, and the acute sensitivity when I feel into other people and hurt. I guess what I am wanting from you is a deep okayness that that’s how it is. In reading that waking up is more painful, that’s the confirmation that I was looking for.
John: Sensitivity feels everything. The more sensitive you are, the more you feel. When your sensitivity is coming out of you being in what you know, then your sensitivity is clean. When your sensitivity comes from your self as being a frame of reference, then you’ll be very feeling. Those feelings come from you and they are ultimately just about you, even though it’s concerning another.
There is nothing more sensitive than love, and there is nothing within love that is focused in on itself. That is like you letting in someone else’s discomfort, without that being about your discomfort with their discomfort. It is you letting your sensitivity be gentled and quieted. When sensitivity is being gentled and quieted, it doesn’t lose its sensitivity. It doesn’t lose its capacity to feel; it just loses its noise. Then there is sensitivity that isn’t noisy.
Q: When you said yesterday that a heart that’s open is always being pierced, does that mean that you still feel hurt and agony and pain, and that you had no discomfort with that, but you still feel?
John: There is still hurt, but not the personal kind.
Q: Is the hurt about non-love or non-awareness, impersonally?
John: It’s feeling what people are actually doing to themselves, without me turning that into a story, without there being any issue with how people hurt themselves, and yet still feeling it.
Q: I feel like I would be crying most of the time, feeling all of that.
John: That is because you’re used to being overwhelmed. As you go finer and finer, sensitivity increases and the capacity to be overwhelmed decreases, so then you can cleanly feel much, without being all emotional.
Q: It’s like taking the piercing all the way through to openness.
John: As soon as you park somewhere you’ll get emotional, because then the feeling is about you. The more that you open up, the more your sensitivity opens up, and the more you can handle feeling everything without that ever being a “something.” As soon as what you are feeling is a “something,” then you’ll get emotional.
When you see that you do get emotional with things through your own sensitivity, it’s not judging that or being hard on that. It’s being gentle with that. As soon as you judge it as something that shouldn’t be, then your sensitivity is being shut down. When you’re being gentle with what makes you emotional, then the sensitivity remains while the emotionalism is being gentled. That is like love relieving you of what you think is something while sensitivity remains.
Q: But it feels like the emotional sensitivity probably comes from a lot of beliefs, and then I am talking about a much deeper sensitivity that I can’t feel personal about at all, but it cuts.
John: Then really let it, without you doing anything with the cut; letting it cut without you putting your hands to it. Then what comes through that cut is your being, instead of your stuff.
Q: To let the cut happen all the way through.
John: A clean piercing always pulls out what you are as a being. When you’re letting your heart be cleanly pierced by anything, then you’re leaving all of your issues out of anything that pierces you. Then it’s innocence that is being pierced, love that’s being pierced, instead of issues being pierced. When there is nothing within you that minds being cut or pierced within, then your sensitivity is becoming clean.
Any time that you are minding being cut or pierced, then your sensitivity is being used to hold an issue. Then you will have something to fight about, something to argue about, something to complain about, instead of you just as simply feeling, without needing to do something with what you feel.
Clean sensitivity can be pierced right through without getting a single complaint back. Clean sensitivity doesn’t relate to judging. Clean sensitivity is feeling without judging, feeling without drawing any conclusions in your mind from what you feel. That makes you very vulnerable. Letting feeling continue, without the support of your thinking: that is clean sensitivity.
As soon as your thinking is brought into your feeling then that is a sensitivity that’s not clean. Then everything that cuts you or pierces you turns into a story. Then feeling much will always have you talking much, either talking much within as in inner dialogue, or talking much with others concerning what you feel.
Clean sensitivity has no story – it just simply feels everything. Every kind of piercing is let in, and every piercing is let all the way through, without there being a hint of a drama left behind, without the feelings creating ripples in your mind. As soon as your feelings are creating ripples in your mind, it’s because you’re making a story within your mind of what it is that you are feeling.