Q: I was watching these Zoom meetings last week and about an hour into the meeting, I started to feel what you were talking about. It’s as though there was another level there inside me. In particular, I remember you used an expression like ‘streams of nurturing goodness’ or something like that. I could feel those streams of nurturing goodness inside me, as though it was coming up from deep inside me. That continued for the rest of the meeting, and even for an hour after the meeting was over, I could still feel these streams of nurturing goodness. So my question is, what causes this to start and what causes it to fade away after an hour or so?
John: When you’re close to someone where that’s taking place, that easily activates the same in you, awakens the same in you, moves the same in you, which makes it very easy for you to be in that. At some point afterwards, with any little bit where you’re referencing your self for any reason at all, that puts you back into your usual self. That covers up all of the streaming. In the streaming that you were experiencing, those are streams of being that were moving. That was your being moving in your body and in your self.
You, a being, can occupy your body and your self, but you being your self are also able to occupy your body and your self. In being your self, that will cover up you, a being. You, a being, are extremely delicate, but not at all fragile. You, a self, you being your self, are not delicate, but very fragile. Any little touch, positive or negative, immediately plays on your sense of self. In being your self, in every little thing that’s taking place in your environment, all of it affects your self. In being your self, you’ll reference your sense of self speedily and automatically, which makes your self and your sense of self the centre of everything that’s taking place.
That referencing quickly turns into multi-layered addiction. Your whole nervous system becomes patterned by that. The more you try to free from it, the worse that it gets. Awakening to and experiencing your being moving, in your body and in your self, doesn’t free you of your self. It just awakens you, in your experience, to what’s deeper than your self. It awakens you to what you really are.
What really matters is not so much the experience itself. The experience is going to be referenced to your self. You’ll be making the comparison between that experience and your usual experience. As soon as you make the comparison, you’ll be yearning for the deeper, longing for the deeper. The value in the experience, in the yearning, in the longing, is that you know the truth. You’ve awakened to the truth within. The experience isn’t the truth. The experience is full of the truth.
As you are quieted within, just in the knowledge of the truth, it’s like lying down in what you now know. That makes you still. It puts you into stillness concerning your self activity—your mind, emotional, feeling, will activity. Just by virtue of you being gentled within, you are being the same as your being, which gives space for the rest of your being to move. As soon as it moves, if you reference your self in that, you’ll want to have more of the experience. The wanting the yearning, the longing, puts you back into your self. Any reference to your self of what moves of your being puts you back into your self. The wanting and the needing puts you back into the usual, the familiar to you: your self.
What matters is the littlest of what you directly know. It’s not informational. It’s vibrational. When your being started streaming, you became quieted within. You became still. From the perspective of your self, wonderfulness was being experienced. But that wasn’t what was essential. The essential part is that you were quieted. You were nurturingly gentled within. The strength of your being moving isn’t the part that’s essential. It’s all real, but the essential part is you, quieted in that. Quieted means that you’re not about your self in the experience of your being moving.
The habit of your self is to reference your self in every experience, and all of it. It matters for you to unconditionally be gentled and quieted in your heart, whether it’s your self that moves or your being that moves. When it no longer makes any difference to you what moves, and that you are, at any personal expense, gentled and quieted in your heart, then the space of your self, because you’re quieted in your heart, is available for your being. Your being will move. The movement in your being, of your being up into your self isn’t for your self. It’s all for you, a being. As soon as you favour the experience, you’re referencing your self in the experience, which makes the experience, on your part, all for your self. As soon as it’s for your self, you’re being your self instead of being what you are as a being, which stops the movement.
For you to unconditionally be gentled and quieted in your heart at any personal expense, whether it’s your being that is activated and awakened or your self that is activated and awakened, it will cost you, in all of your living, every little bit of your sense of self. It will cost you, piece by piece, your entire identity. The part that’s real in that, as you remain gentled and quieted within, is that your self is being cleaned of how you’ve used it, how you’ve been relating to it, how you have been wanting it and needing it, positively and negatively. Quieted in the cost, your self becomes cleaned of you and you become cleaned of your whole old relationship with your self.
The coming apart of you and your self is a dying, a cleansing, and a healing. The two come back together again. But because you are different and your self is different, what comes back together again is the same. Your self becomes as you really are, the way you are in your being. The two do really become one. But that oneness is all by virtue of you being one with what your being is like, which is you being what you really are.
Just by virtue of you being what you really are, in the midst of anything that affects your self—all of your life, every relationship, every circumstance—your whole sense of self is free to come apart because you’re no longer using it and engaging it, and your whole sense of self will come back together differently, in the same way that you really are. That frees you to move as a being in your self that is similar to what you were in when you were still in your innocence when you were really little. It’s you being what you really are without a thought, where you are not governed by thought or feeling, will or emotion. You’re governed by and moved by what you really are, and all of that came out into expression through your thinking, your feeling, your will, your emotions, your body. All of that movement was the movement of innocence.
You’re free to return to that, but it will cost you everything that you’ve accumulated inside from the time that you started leaving your innocence. It will cost you all of your personally developed ways. You’ll lose all that you will lose when you die. This is your entire multi-layered, multi-levelled life of personal stories. All of the story ends while you’re still living, because of your return to being what you really are, all aflow.
Your being does not relate, at all, to your self, your life, your relationships, the world, all of your space, and all of your time. Your being relates to none of it. It doesn’t comprehend any of it, but it will freely move in all of it. It will move in anything that’s available. Your self doesn’t relate to your being. Your self doesn’t relate to anything of your being. Your self cannot comprehend your being. Your self can only relate to and comprehend what affects your self of self, which continually makes your self the centre of absolutely everything.
You are able to be what your being is, and you are also able to be your self. You’re not able to be both at the same time. If you’re being what your being is, that will separate you from your sense of self, from your whole sense and value of being individual. If you be your self, that will separate you from what you are as a being, which freely moves as one with everything that’s real. When you are still in your innocence, and you shift away from being the same as your being, you turn into your genetics and you separate from what you really are. As you habituate being your self, you develop over the decades an entire self structuring, self meaning, self life. Everything is self.
You can return back to being what you really are, but it’ll cost everything that’s been habituated. It will cost you all of the structuring in what’s artificial. But as you return to that, you are being what you are after you’ve died, while you live, which is more than what you were when you were really little, in your innocence. It’s more because in you returning to what you really are, like you were in your innocence, but through such cost to your sense of self, great depths of being are drawn from in you being gentled and quieted in the midst of all of that cost, which raises up the depth of what you really are, the depth of your being, up into all of the space of your self, replacing it: the maturation of you, of what you really are, the maturation of you, a being, in a short period of time. A very real dying of everything that’s false, and an eternal quality of life filling and having all of you.
If you are in the fast lane of this, which means you living gentled and quieted in your heart, unconditionally, at any personal expense, a short period of time is about a year. That’s a lot of dying, and the beginnings of a real and an eternal quality of life inside, and of living.
See you. See you in the great, most quiet change of everything.
Q: Thank you.