Q: I have a job right now that I really like a lot where I have a lot of contact with a lot of people every day. I truly love my job and what I do and at times I become involved with people that seem to create truth around them as they go forward. And in my heart I know it’s not true and the truth. I feel very fortunate as I’ve been able to reject that and really put very little focus on those types of people. But my question for you is how do you do that when it’s a family member or somebody that you really care about?

John: By letting go of your personal investment in the one that you care for. So then you’re no longer continuing to care for someone because your personal happiness and pain relief is connected to that. Then the only reason you could possibly truly care for someone is because underneath of all their ideals and their beliefs and their hopes and their dreams and their life and themselves, all you see is this tiny little bit within that is exactly the same as the tiny little bit within you, and that that is your supreme love regardless of what they act like, what they’re being like, whether it feels nice to you or whether it feels horrible to you; that it makes no difference because all that your heart is truly connected with is that little bit which is tucked underneath everything within the other. So then you’re caring for something that’s real, instead of caring for your self and using that care to umbrella this other person so that they will be the way that you would like them to be, so that you get what it is that you’re caring for which is just personal happiness, personal pain relief, which has nothing to do with the tiniest little bit that is real within you.

Q: I guess what I’m saying is I’ve found that by not being even involved or associated or having negative discussions, which have seemed to always be the case, I do truly find a lot more happiness inside my self than with my family. Is that wrong?

John: Well there might be less pressure, but if you dissociate from that person that doesn’t feel good to be around then you’re also not seeing that little bit of real living gold that is there. If you dissociate from that person you’re dissociating from that living gold that is within that one. So if you’re dissociating from that then you also dissociate from it within your self. If you separate from that one, then now you’re separate from what is real within here. So then there’s no longer an unconditional love but now there is a conditional love: “If you’re being the way that seems right to me, then I’d love to be with you, but if you’re not being that way, I won’t be with you.” So then now that is what you’ve done within your self: you’ve separated your self. Now you’re existing within conditionally and that’s why you manifest it without.

Q: I hold out for that and in fact I do believe that very strongly and I hold out very strongly for that one bit of hope you know and..

John: Not the hope. If it’s a belief, then it’s a hope. If it’s the real, you don’t have to believe in it, you don’t even have to hope for it because that’s all you can see. Your eyes are open and you can see it within the other. You don’t have to hope to see it. You don’t have to believe in it, you cannot help but see it and when you see it you cannot help but be as much in love with that in them as you are with it in you, regardless of how they treat you. It has nothing to do with it, unless your seeing of them is dependent on how they treat you.

Q: I guess I’m a little bit of an optimist about relationships and wanting them to be maybe more than I should expect, and I shouldn’t expect anything. But it does hurt.

John: It does, and will you remain in the tiny little bit within you that is also the same tiny little bit within everyone? Will you be in that, uncompromisingly so, even if it hurts, even if it means that you’re pierced, even if it means discomfort? So that you’re remaining and abiding in this little bit within, and abiding in the same little bit without that you see in others, so you’re abiding in what is real, regardless of pain, regardless of pleasure?

When you are supremely loving what is real within and real without, when you’re supremely living for what is real, supremely loving only that, it is only then that you are being loving. Anything else is just trying to, or it’s feeling loving because you’re feeling loved. And as soon as you don’t feel loved then you won’t feel very loving.

You cannot escape pain. You can temporarily, even for a lifetime, escape what is real in hope of relieving your pain, but then it doesn’t matter how much pain relief you seem to find, it will not relieve the pain of not being real. As soon as you dissociate from someone, then you’re not being completely real with something that is really there. And when you cut that off, then the same cutting happens within your self. Now there is something within you that you will not be real with, and what it is that you will not be real with is reflected in this other that you don’t want to be with.

So everyone that you dissociate from, that is a reflection of how dissociated you are, within.

Q: Thank you John.